Not Destined to Die

 

 

by  Juozas Kuliukas

 

Note From his son

This is a translation of my father’s autobiography, “Ne buvo Lemta Zuti”. Many thanks to Henrikas and Vida Gasperas for patiently translating it, as my Lithuanian is very poor. I must apologise for some problems with the Lithuanian characters. I will endeavour to fix them in time.

The book was published in Lithuania by Kardas in 1996. ISBN 9986-636-07-8.

 

WORD TO THE READERS

The memoirs of Juozas Kuliukas is a book about a Lithuanian soldier, tossed about but not broken in the bloody whirlpool of World War II. His book, therefore, is called “Not destined to die.”

The author was destined to live through numerous torments of war. He was put to tests but withstood them all as can be seen from his memoirs. He loved life, fought for it and even in the hardest moments stood up straight and remained a man as his parents wanted him to be.

The memoirs of Juozas Kuliukas, the Grand Duke of Lithuania Ist Infantry regiment soldier, later participant of the training company, supplement the tragic history of the Lithuanian army during the Soviet rule.

Antanas Martinionis

Clock with two “gherkins” from the two years old “height.”

I was two years old when our family moved from Strošiūnai village to Pilviškiai. We moved into a large house, as I remember later, into a smaller room as the bigger room was occupied by another family.

In our room, by the wall were two beds: in one slept my two sisters, in the other - the parents. There was a cradle by their bed in which slept my little brother Antaniukas /little Anthony/.

As in a dream I still see in the corner of our room a big hanging thing, like a picture, at the bottom of which swung a pendulum and hung two big black chain-held “gherkins”, producing a sound tick, tock, tick, tock! Only much later I found out it was a wall clock.

At the end of the dwelling-room was a large brick stove where the meals were prepared and the bread was baked. The oven was fired from the kitchen side so it was always warm. On the top of it slept my sister and myself. In the kitchen was another little stove on which mother cooked our meals. The kitchen was used by both families.

Antaniukas was very young. When nobody was looking I would take his dummy to suck . Little brother would start to cry and mother would shout at me telling me not to touch his dummy. It was made from sweetened bread wrapped in a piece of linen.

One early morning mother told my father that her youngest brother Jonukas had died also that his wife Elzbieta looked  poorly. Later on we found out that both had tuberculosis. They both died almost at the same time. Mother told us that the relations did not want to go to the funeral for fear of  catching the disease. My mother’s brother had a daughter Ladziūnė and son Napaliukas. Ladziūne was older than me, Napaliukas - younger. My mother’s eldest sister took both  orphans. They lived with her for some time to ward off the decease. My mother’s mother, my grandma was 80 years old (she was born in 1840 and died in 1946, having reached 106 years old).

A little later I understood that half of our farm was rented to another family and that’s why they lived in the next room to us.

Mother would say that in another year we would work the farm ourselves, without strangers - without lodgers.

All sorts of people visited our neighbours.  My father was not pleased about this, because they drank and were noisy.   I liked to go into that room to listen to what was being said.  Once our neighbours said that in Kupiškis two men had been hung.  They were very angry about this.  After a few years I found that the hung men were some sort of bolshevics.

After a year our neighbours left, but they rented out their part of the land to others.  Mother was very unhappy, that she would still have to live with another family.  She was aware that it would be difficult to manage the farm by themselves, because the children were small:  the oldest daughter (my sister) Afemija was 12 years old, Pauliusė - 10 years, and Pranusė about 6 years.  I had just reached 4 years, Antaniukas was just 2 years.  My parents had enough problems just raising a family.

Mother’s and father’s stories on a warm stove

In the winter evenings our family would climb upon the warm stove.  We, the children, loved to hear our parents’ stories about their life.  I retain the story of the start of their friendship.

My father was a very strong, tall man.  One autumn he was cutting  the rye at my mother’s parents.  Following her father, my mother tied the shiefs, and through this they became friends and came to like each other.  My mother’s parents, however, did not allow this friendship, because he was a poor smallholder.  What to do?  My mother ran away, and secretly wed him.  Her angry parents gave no dowry, and did not wish to see her.

My mother said that her parents’ farm was large, they lived well.  Her parents were respected in the region.  They had beautiful horses and  with pride would drive to Akizava to the church.  My grandfather - Jonas Glemža, my grandmother - Elizabeta Glemžienė (Užubalaitė maiden name).  They had four daughters and son:  the oldest - Ona, my mother, together with Valiuse were twins, the youngest sister - Pauliusė and the youngest was their brother Jonas.  My mother’s father was very strict, and stingy.  In the farm the daughters would have to do men’s jobs:  till the land, cut the hay.  Mother remembered Pyvesos stream.  The hay would be cut almost in the water, then it would be carried to a dry place.  In places it was quite deep, so the horses would pull  the hay with the aid of ropes.  Sometimes people would drown.  Father would not allow his son to work hard, because he studied in the school in the town.  He was unwell when he returned from the school.

My mother said, that her mother “our old woman” was unwell.  As far as she remembers, her mother mostly lay in bed.  The daughters worked everything:  looked after livestock, worked the land.

Because her parents were wealthy, the oldest daughter Ona (my mohter) would have many suitors.  The parents chose the menfolk for the daughters.  My grandfather because of his meanness did not want to give them a large dowry.  Ona, being the oldest, was the housewife, and dealt with everything.  The father did not want her to marry, because there would be no one to look after the house.  Ona was no longer young when she married Vaitkevičius from Pariskių village.  He had a large farm.  After that Valiusė became the housewife, so that mother and Pauliuse had to work much harder.  As mother used to say, the father did not love his daughters very much, because he wanted sons.  After a few years Valiusė wed Vanagis from Virbališkis village.  He also had a large farm, but he liked to drink, so they did not live in harmony.

Mother said that Pauliusė was a very pretty girl, and had many boyfriends.  She was friendly with the son of the neighbouring wealthy farmer.  There were two brothers.  Their father did not like Pauliusė.  They knew that they would not be allowed to wed, so they ran away from home and travelled to America.  My grandfather, mother’s dad, did not like this at all.  Mother said that she felt ashamed as the yougest sister had wed before her.  At the time she was friendly with Antanas, my father.  She was 29 years old and Antanas was 39.  They decided to wed secretly.  Mother had fallen from one misfortune into another:  his parents were good, particularly her mother-in-law.  However, they were annoyed that their son had not received a dowry.  My father Antanas’ farm was small, so mother had to go to other people to work.  Mother-in-law would lock the cottage during the day.  My mother would often go hungry, so she would go into the forest to pick berries and mushrooms, and in the autumn would eat the unpleasant black alder berries.  That is why she lost her teeth.  Antanas her husband tried to make money by seeking trade so was away from home a great deal.  When he was at home, then the parents-in-law were kinder to her.  When mother complained to her husband, he did not want to believe that his parents were so unkind to their son’s wife.

My parents wed in 1905.  After three years a son was born.  Mother said she would be satisfied not to have such a large family as her parents.  Her father had always wanted a son, but only daughters were born.

Mother’s sad recollections

Mother was well into her 32nd year when Aleksiukas was born.  Things got worse:  mother-in-law stated that she (my mother) had not brought one kopec so did not have anything with which to buy the baby some clothes.  My mother then thought she must somehow get hold of some cash.  She knew that her father had money and knew where it was kept.

- I decided to go and get a little money - my mother went on.  - I worked so hard there all the time, so a share of the money should be mine.  It would not be theft.-

One Sunday my mother went to Alizava to church.  Her father had a special place  ‘lonka’ where he sat.  She made sure that he would see her in the church.  She then changed her headscarf and was sure he would not notice her leaving the church.  She ran to Abejutus.  No one noticed her.  The money was kept somewhere under the floorboards in her mother’s room.  Having found the savings mother took a small bag of gold, silver and other currencies, but it was too heavy to carry so she hid the bag on her way back to church. After church she met her mother and spoke with her, until her father came.  They often spoke together when father was not about, but this time she waited specially so that he could see her.  Returning home, she picked up the hidden cash;  at first she told no one not even her husband that she had taken the money from her parents.  She did not even buy anything so as not to attract attention that she had money.  Her mother came one day and said “We know that that you took the money.  Father wanted to tell the police, but it would be shame on us that a true daughter had taken money.  If you confess, they no one will ever know”.

I told mother that I had taken only was due due to me as a dowry.  At first father was very angry, and vowed never to forgive me.  But mother said - you did well to take the money- .

From then on mother and daughter often met, but father for a time did not speak with her.  Then mother went to confession and told the priest she had taken the money.  He was not unduly annoyed and gave her a penance to atone for her sins.

From then on everything was much improved, even the in-laws became friendlier.

Father’s dreams and plans

Father knew a few handicrafts.  He would say:  nine crafts, tenth famine.  He worked at all sorts of jobs and was conscientious.  The farm was not large so father had a lot of spare time.  He said he travelled to Riga and sometimes brought salted herrings and other goods.  That is how he lived.

Mother said that once at Christmas Eve feast five members of the family sat at table, and at another time only two.  It was a very sad Christmas Eve, and looked as though the cottage was empty, everything unpleasant.  During that year the in-laws died, and not long after Aleksiukas.  One morning they awoke but the boy still slept.  When they touched him they saw that he did not move.  They could not believe he was dead.  Even  during the funeral mother could not take the small hearse out of her arms.  Even when he was burried she could not believe that her son was dead.  Whenever she visited Alizava she visited the grave.  Often father would find her there.

It was in the year 1910.  From then on, it can be said, that my parents started a new chapter in their life.  Within a year a daughter Afemija was born.  They were happy with her, but still wanted a son.  Within 18 months another daughter, Pauliusė, was born.

The First World War started.  In 1915 another daughter Pranutė was born, and still no son.  Father said that he was often away on business  which took him far from home, from which he made a good wage.  As he was too old it was not required for him to enlist into the army.

At the end of the war my father’s brother Juozas returned from America.  He did not live there long as he did not like the life:  he worked for a Jewish tailor but did not earn a great deal.  The same as his parents he was thrifty so had saved some dollars.  Returning home he bought some land beside a wood, married an only farmer’s daughter from the village of Graiužiai.

Mother said that they had also save some money and wanted to buy a larger farmstead.  When in 1918 a son was born (the author) they called him Juozas.  The godfather was my father brother just returned from America.

Father look around a number of farmsteads, but could not find anything that he liked.  He did not want to go far from Strošiūnų.  Later the value of the rouble dropped, and my parents were left without a piece of land.

Mother spoke of father was very conscientious particularly in church and parish affairs.  Alizava had what is calaled a klėštorius.  In the large hourse there lived an elderly woman, whi had a large farmstead in Pilkaviškis.  She offtered the farmstead to my father with the condition that he would look after the klėštorius and would undertake certain tasks for the church.  Father refused stating -  The neighbours will think that we are living off the fortunes of old folk.

Once the old lady called on mother stating - get a stick and hit that man on the head so that his brain returns.  He always looked after me well, so now I would like to recompense him in some way.  Apart from that, I do not have anyone to leave my farmstead to.  I want no conditions - just take the farmstead.

Eventually my parents visited a notary and drew up the necessary documents for transfer of the farmstead.  It was in the year 1920.  They sold their farm in Strošiūnai.  At the time the rouble was worthless.  The farm was bought by the neighbours:  half Vilkas, and the other half Marcinkevičius.  It is said that one sold a cock and the other a calf, and so paid for the farm.

My parents dreams came true, another son was born and he was christened Antaniukas.  In 1920 they moved to Pilviškiai.

We are left alone on the farm:  Well deserved bread and sweat.

My parents decided they would not rent out half the farm and from 1922 they would work the farm themselves.  Mother was very pleased to have the whole house and kitchen and no one will get under her feet.  We, the children, were very happy: we would have more room to play, and not be afraid of others.  Father hired a girl and a lad as we were too small to assist with farm work.  Our farm was in two units.  About a year later the owner halved the farmstead - as she had to take care of  a relative called Einoris.  He rented out the farmstead telling his guardian  he was studying somewhere.  He lied to her:  all the money received in rent he spent.  In the end he mortgaged the farm as he was well overspent.  He eventually died.  As he had no family, so the farmstead was for a time unmanaged. 

We were left alone in the farmstead. 

My father said that in the two years when the farm was divided into two, he tried his best to manage.  He worked the land particularly well.  My sisters were able to help by then.  In the summer my sister Pauliusė looked after the animals in the fields, and Afemija helped mother in her tasks.  In the autumn they both went to school in Aliozava.  In those days there was only one school in the area with one teacher and children were many.  Often the teacher was asisted by Navikienė from Kalnagliai.  Her husband was an officer in the tsarist arm and held the rank of colonel.  At the time he was serving in the Lithuanian army although he was Russian.

 My father hired another lad - by the name of Petras Misiūnas, from Abejutų. just returned from the army.  Everyone liked him very much as he was a good worker.  He worked there for a couple of years and was like a member of our family.

We had a small black kitten-like dog, named, Trigriukas.  Everyone loved him very much and played with him.  He often ran into the road.  If anyone walked or drove by he often barked.  People laughed saying that he wanted to show that he was big and fierce.  Once Tigriukas ran into the road and was run over.  All the children cried very much;  we organised a funeral and in the orchard on the hill we buried him.  We made a grave of stones and for a long time put flowers there.  Father promised to get another similar dog, but could not find such a small and pretty one.  He got a young brown dog, but we quickly saw that he would not be so small as Trigriukas.

One Sunday my parents went to Alizava to church.  My sisters said that father had that morning brought home some home-made spirits and he put this in the loft where the hung salamis,flitch, meat loaves were kept.  The loft doors were usually kept locked.  My sisters decided to taste the home brew but could not find the key.  The loft was covered with shives in order to insulate the rooms below.  Little Antaniukas crawled through a hole in the ceiling and  poured some home brew into a jar.  We took it below.  Perhaps we tasted too much, because we became drunk and went off to sleep.  When my parents returned from church they were frightened to see us all asleep.  Before long they knew that we had become drunk even little Antaniukas.  Everyone was sent to bed.  The next day Afemija and Pauliusė got a hiding with a birch and had to say a few rosaries.  As I remember my father was strict but never shouted and very rarely used a birch.  Although we were afraid of him but we respected and loved him.

As my mother would say, father was always more concerned for others than his own.  If anyone died in the region, he was always the first the arrange the funeral, made the hearse.  Like a veterinary he helped to look after the farm animals, because in those days vetenery doctors were few and farm between.  Apart from that few people had money to spare to pay them, that is why farmers often helped each other.  Father was known in the area as a good man and never refused a call for help.

Pilviškis village in my time

In the village of Pilviškis there lived six big farmers, and on the edge - a small holding.  There always was a smallholding in any village.  On the smallholding there lived an old woman whom my father kept an eye on.  When she fell ill, he brought her home where she died.  My father looked after the smallholding (about an hectare of land) and house for several years until relatives could be found.  The elderley lady wanted to leave everything to us, but my father did not agree.  Much later a widow called Gintautienė was found who had a deaf sun called Arnusius.

The first of the big farmers was called Juozas Strutinskas, who had a daughter called Kaziūnę ir son Jasius.  At the time at the farm there lived also his brother and wife and son Petras.  In the send farm - the Vaitkevičius family lived - with four sons and a daughter.  The Vaitkevičius family had about 104 acres of land.  The older son lived in Amerika, the other son Juozas, during the First World War servied in the Russian tsarist army, and had been a prisoner of war in Austria.  Pranas also served in the tsars army, but was wounded at the beginning of the war and was demobilised.  The daughter later married.  The youngest son Kazys servied in the Lithuanian army.  When he returned home, after a few years he died from tuberculosis.

The third farm was ours.  The fourth - the family Pakštis.  When they arrived in Pilviškis, they did not have any house.  As they were very industrious they soon built a house, although without a chimney (a cottage) at the start.  All the rooms were smoked filled.  In those days it was rare to find a cottage or dwelling house without a chimney.  On the fifth farm the Misiūnas family had their dwelling.  The farmer Misiūnas had married a widow called Stukienė who had twins - son Pranas and daughter Bronė.  Misiūnas got on well in my father and often came to call and talked about his life.  During the first world war he had spent somewhere in the depths of Russia.  He said that people there would eat a lot of  sunflower seeds.  Whenever he met, the floors would be full of sunflower seed remains.  They had a daughter Emilija, almost the same age as our Antaniukas.  Misiūnas did not get on with this step-son Pranas and often shouted at him.  May be the son died so early - from tuberculosis having just reached the age of 26.

On the sixth farm the family Ginočius lived.  The parents were not young.  Ginotis was miserly, his wife deaf.  Their daughters married.  The son Ramusis srved in the Lithuanian army, and was a good man.  When he returned from the army he married a rich farmer’s daughter Pučėlaitė from Pagirių village.  The wedding was a grand affair.  Nevertheless, his father did not allow him to manage the farm - stated he could not do the job properly.

Those were the inhabitans of the villagae of Pilviškis.

My mother’s sister Pauliusė and her family returned from America in 1925 and temporarily stayed in Abejutai with mother.  Everyone hoped that the ‘Americans’ would give presents, but there were lots of relatives, and they could not give many gifts.  Mother got a breadknife, and we children ‘Corn flakes’ and a few sweets.  We were rather disappointed.  They did not live long in Abejutai, as they purchased a large farm in the district of Papilis, near Pariškiai.  The family Kalainė lived quite well in America - they had their own bakery.

Our farmstead was very well kept.  We have good quality cows, which gave a lot of milk.  The offspring was good and other farmers ordered calves for their stock early in the season.  We had a good breed of bullock, and farms in the region would bring their cows to us for mating.  We had a good breed of pig.  In the market, the piglets were not cheap.  At the time we did not breed bacon pigs.  The weight of the pigs at the time was in the region of several hundred kilos.  When a pig a was slaughtered there was always assistance.  It would be singed in the orchard, but it was not easy to push it on a sledge into the house.  Hams wer made, smoked fat, sausage from the belly as well as many other types of sausages.  Everything would be smoked at the end of the orchard in the bathouse.

Every farmer had a boy to look after the livestock in the fields..  Our livestock was usuaully looked after by Pranutė, but sometimes I was required to do this.

We Brothers and Sisters!

Once in Alizave there was a big church festival.  Pranulė wanted to go, so I and Antaniukas had to look after the livestock.  There were three piemenys (carers of livestock).  At the time Jasius looked after Strutinskio livestock, and Pranas Stukas looked after Misiūno livestock.  They were perhaps four years or so older than me.  The parents sai, it will be alright, we would do the job.  We were in a pine meadow.  They began to scare and threaten us, and we were afraid because we could see animal bones on the ground.  Seeing the bones Antaniukas ran away.  Left alone I became even more afraid.  I looked everywhere for my brother but could not find him.  Crying, I ran home.  My parents had returned home from church.

- Don’t be afraid, he will not get lost!- said my father.

My mother became worried, so father went out to look for Antaniukas.  He had ran out of the wood and hid in a ditch beside a road.  Returning home from church, people had seen him and took him home.

Antaniukas was two years jounger than me, but he was taller.  I was small for my age.  I was called smalljonas (žemjonu).  They said that at the age of one when my sisters played with me once they dropped me out of their arms and I fell on my head.   They said that my neck had got a jolt and that is why it was so short.  How much truth there was in this I never found out.  So I remained - short-necked with upright shoulders.  Antaniukas was very good looking and pleasant boy, and everyone loved him.  He would said that he had two girls - one for a Sunday, and the other for the rest of the week.  The children from the Pakštų family were often with us, so their Paulina was the week girl and Emilija from the Misiūnas family was the Sunday girl.

We had a big beautiful orchard, with delicious apple trees, plums, currants and gooseberries.  The orchard was overflowing with a variety of trees.  From one sife were two ponds with overgrown willow trees.  One pond had a plank across to serve as a bridge.  In the evenings we would sit on the bridge and wash our feet, because during the summer we children did wear any shoes.  From the early spring dew the skin on the feet would crack, and we would rub fat into them to ease the pain.

Abejutai was perhaps a good kilometre away.  Our grandmother would visit with Napaliukas.  She told lots of interesting things about herself, about her life when she was young.  She was 86 years of age at the time.  Grandmother was still very young when serfdom was abolished, although the estate owners did not for a long time comply with the law.  Villagers did not want serfdom

but the Polish gentry would send the cossacks who would, with whips, drive the villages to serve on the gentry’s estates.  My grandmother saw many times how the villagers were beaten.  Although she was very young, nevertheless she also had to go to the  Zasinytis estate and work there.

Once grandmother came alone bringing some silver coins.

- Napolis took these from your home.

Then she explained that we were playing in the orchard with these coins.  I know I would get a good hiding because I was the oldest.  We were told to go into the house. We ran inside, knelt down by the bench with the clock on the wall, and began to pray.  In truth, we didn’t pray all that well.  Seeing us kneeling father went outside.

- If they are praying, then they know that they have donw wrong and will behave - he stated.

Later father warned us that we should not do anything like that again (play with money).

Afemija did not finish primary school because in those days very few finished their primary education, but Pauliuse managed to finish.  Father asked her what she would like to do.

- You are clever, so do you want to go on to higher school, or become a seamstress? - my parents asked.

- I want to be a seamstress - requested Pauliusė.

Father knew a few good dress-makers in Valbalninke who were capable of teaching, but did not want to have complete beginners.  A few years’ experience was needed.  So my sister started elsewhere and then returned to Valbalninkas to the dress-makers there to continue her trade.  The dress-makers were gettin on in age.  They took her on temporarily, saying, if she was clever, she can continue to learn the trade with them.  After a while they promised to make a dress-maker out of her.  The dress-makers usually made suits for officers, and before the war they made suaits for the estates gentry.

When Pranulė was of school age, there were more schools in the region.  There were two schools in Alizave.  I started school at about eight years of age.  School was two kilometres away.  In the autumn with the change in the weather I did not want to go to school, and my father did not force me.  He said the farm would be mine and I would be the farmer.  In 1927 during the autumn I started to go to school with Antaniukas.

In the autumn the dress-maker made clothes for all the family.  I then fell illl but not seriously.  Then Antaniukas fell ill with the same ailment - whooping cough.  His throat swelled and he found difficulty in breathing.  I will never forget how ill he was.  The dress-maker measured his coat, but I thought he would never come to wear it, because he would die.  So it happened, after a few days he did die.  Two doctors were called, but nothing helped.  The old people said that that a live  chicken needs to be torn in half and its entrails wound round the sick child’s neck.  But this did not help.  My poor brother could not catch his breath.  In 1927 at the end of November he took his last breath.  The funeral was huge.  My parents said they did not have a funeral for Aleksiukas so now it was for both of them.  Every year they held memoral services for both of them.

That is how I lost my beloved brother.

I was then in second class at school.  I often did not go to school because my parents were afraid they would also loose me.  When I was just one year I was very ill with bronchial pneumonia.  It looked as if I would not live.  Mu parents often wailed that nothing should happen to me, because they would then have no son to whom they could live the farmstead.

I begin to mature ….

One spring during the night the dogs entered Strutinskis cattle shed and killed all the sheep.  After that every in the village were afraid of the dogs, and dfew villagers ventered put in the night.

Father usually went to market alone or elsewhere with various matters.  Later on I came with him.  He would say that to be a good farmer I should learn how to trade.

Once in Kupiškis market there was a show of some tricks.  I enjoyed these very much.  I thought I held father’s hand and did not see how he moved away, it would seem that I had held a stranger’s hand.  I was shocked when I realised that it was not father.  There were several hundred carts at market and I could not recognise our cart’s wheels.  I ran from one end of the market to the other.  Father also looked for me, until eventually we met.

Another time we went to market to sell apples and plums.  Father left me on my own.  An elderly woman came up to me saying: - I have a few cents.  Give everything in exchange for my cents.

She picked up a large apple and asked, how much it would cost.  I was selling in quarts so I did not know what to say.  I wanted to give her the apple, but another woman came forward saying:  Child don’t be silly, don’t give anything away for free.  She said: - five cents!

The old woman admitted she did not have five cents.  My neighbour retorted: - I cannot help you.

The old woman was upset and went away.  When I told father about the incident he said I should have given the old woman the apple for free, and should not have listened to the other woman.

My parents were very religious, especially my father.  In the church he had a senior position, and during church festivals he organised everything.  In the region he also belonged to the parents’ committee as well as the parish committee, and assisted in the establishment of a milk collection point at Alizava.

My sisters were young and attractive girls.  One Sunday my father came home first from church.  When the sisters came into the house he asked to see them.  He first looked at Afemijos face and then the others, and wiped the face with a white handherchief.  At first he did not say anything, then he swore, something which he very rarely did.  Mother asked what was wrong.

- In Alizava they told me that my daughters were very pretty, particularly when they put rouge on their cheeks - he laughed.  - It appears they do not rouge their cheeks.  Others say they are the prettiest in the parish.

It appeared that he was very happy to know that his daughters were the prettiest in the whole parish.

That summer I had to look after the farm animals.  Every farmer had a lad for this task.  There were six of us.  We tended the animals for five days, and one day was free.  Misiūnienė sorted things out in such a way that her children did not have to tend the herds during church festivals or parish wakes.  In my youth I had received an electric shock from a storm, afterwhich I was not afraid of storms.  Many were afraid of storms, particularly youngsters.  One day during harvest time when the rye was being taken home, everyone felt there would be a storm and hurried to take in as much as possible.  After midday the sky darkened, dark storm clouded began to gather, and in the distance a sound like  thunderous gun-fire could be heard.  Even the animals were wary.  The herdboys began to cry and pray, but I liked the sound very much.  My parents sent Pranutė to take my place.  But I refused to go home.  She left me a sack to put on my head as protection from the rain.  Shortly it began to rain as though from a bucket.  In a short while all the pasture was flooded.  When the rain stopped the farmers ran to see if the herdboys and animals were still well.  We had herded all the animals to a higher pasture before the rain came.  We had to bring them home as  everywhere was awash.

Mother was a very quiet calm person.  She did not interfere, not even in matters relating to the farm.  My parents lived well together, were amicable.  I never heard them arguing or shouting at each other.  But there were times when mother and father did not speak with each other.  We children felt the atmosphere which was unpleasant.  Father would ask that she should not be annoyed and not believe what other people said.

Father got on well with Misiūnas.  Farmer always got up very early to feed the animals.  After that they would meet either at Misiūnas house or ours, but usually they would chat at one of the cattle sheds.  Misiūnas house had burnt down so they lived close to the corn-kiln.  Someone told mother that father was friendly with Misiūnienė.  It was, of course, not true.  Afther a while everything was well again.

Father bought a horse-driven machine to thresh the corn.  Earlier the corn was threshed by hand, as in those times few farmers had corn threshing machinery.  The farmer Vaitkevičius had his machinery near the threshing floor.  This separated the grain from the hay but other machinery was needed to separate the chaff from the grain.  He would thresh the grain for others also.  In those days only estates had steam machines for threshing, as few farmers had access to this type of machinery.

When threshing was going on, I loved to drive the horses.  I would stand on a type of platform, shout and drive the horses in a circle with the aid of a long whip.  Once father asked me to change with Print who was herding the animals.  I protested and told father I wanted to drive the horses, so I got to whacks with the belt on the behind.  This, however, was a rare occasion.

Farmers made their living from livestock, but also from various types of corn, as well as lots of flax.  There was a lot of work need to produce a good batch of flax.  Large farmers had their own sheds for flax preparation.  We did not have our own shed for this purpose, so to prepare the flax we would take this to  Abejutas to my grandmother.

In the autumn Pranute and I attended the primary school at Alizava.  My sister was in the fourth class whilst I was in the third.  Up until then there was no payment for school from the autumn to the spring, but in the third class I had to start to study.  My father wanted  for me to learn to serve at holy mass.  I was taught my the organist.  Later in the autumn it was Antaniukas’ anniversary, after which a feast was arranged.  About the same time Vaitkevičienė was married, and a huge wedding feast was arranged.  Kalaines was also invited.  Stasys Kalainė was 21 years, he had to join the Lithuanian army and lose his American citizenship.  If he did not join, he would pay a fine.  He decided to return to America, to Chicago.  In that year during Christmas Eve feast, we were less in family numbers.  My parents tried hard not to show their hurt.

A dark shadow engulfs our family

Father wasn’t well: he complained of  stomach pains, sometimes vomited. He rode to see the doctor Zaborski who told him that everything will be alright, gave him some medicine but it didn’t help much. Though not very well, after Christmas he decided to go to his cousin Jonas Kuliukas and finish threshing the corn. It seems in those days everybody was very stingy and economical. As the people were saying, Jonas mother had some 10 year old sausages and bacon. She told our dad that he must eat well and all his illnesses will go away. She fed our father well with these sausages and bacon. When he went to bed that night he never got up again. Doctor Zaborski was called for, who said:

- I will mend you.

However things didn’t improve. They brought another doctor from Pandelys but he coud not help either.

On 14th January1929 father died, and then we felt what it was to loose a  father. Especially mother. She became very detached and for a long time could not accept this loss.

We had a big funeral. The priest led the mourners  from our home to the church. The procession of neighbours and acquaintances stretched from Pilviškes to Alizava, as it wasn’t easy walking beside each  other on a hard winter road. Some were driving in  carriages. The church was packed as all relations from far and near wanted to show  their  last respects to our father. The priest mentioned in the sermon that he never seen so many people in his church during a simple farmer’s funeral.

It was not easy after father died, especially for  mother.  Father’s brother helped us for some time (as I mentioned before mother didn’t interfere in farming and, she said, I am not going to start now). So the running of the farm was taken over by Afemija with help from neighbours. Afemija was 19 years old. Although young she managed to farm well. Later Pauliuse, when she completed her tailoring course, returned home where she started sewing and also helped on the farm.

When Pranute and I went to school, father’s well looked after farmstead gave a profit, so there was money available. Father didn’t trust banks and lent some money to the local neighbours using some guarantee bonds called “vekseliai”. He said these are better than the banks.

To the school march, march…

Earlier, in winter, when the weather was bad we were taken to school by carriage but now we had to walk, therefore I didn’t much bother to learn to be an altar boy.

Pranute was in the fourth form and received a big book. In those days the schools received very few good books because they were very expensive. Most of the parents could not afford them. Father bought our books and those who could afford bought them themselves. The form teacher wasn’t very good to Pranute but she was successful in her studies and passed her fourth form examinations.

In this year we had a good farm labourer so everything went well. The only problem was sowing seed. Normally the farmer sows himself. Afemija said that now she is the head and she would like to sow. From the beginning she had problems but later learnt to sow well.

Pauliuse was doing well with sewing, and she had enough work. 

During the year we all did our share in the fields.  During the summer I tended the livestock.

I started the fourth class in the autumn.  I did well, especially in arithmetic.  But the teacher always found someone to pick on, she gave much homework and accused me of copying from my sister’s workbook of the previous year.  Several of us stayed behind after class to do extra arithmetic.  Eventually the teacher said I should go down a class, go to the third class.  I was there for about a week, and repeated the course of the previous year.

Mother knew the teacher’s housekeeper, who advised that she take a gift to the teacher.  Early in the morning we filled a basket full of sausage, other smoked meats, a chicken.  The housekeeper awaited our arrival. And so that is how I returned to the four class.

The school head was  very strict.  She would have pupils remain after school, would make them kneel in a corner on dried peas, sometimes hit our hands with a ruler.  But everyone respected her, and we taught the children well.

It was not good at home without father, but we had to get used to this.

Pilviskis had quite a number of very pretty girls.  Our house was always full of them:  my three sisters, Pakšto two daughters, Strutinsko Kaziūnėk, Misiūno Bronė and others, so Saturdays and Sundays there were plenty of young men around who lived in our area.  Mother did not allow any dancing or joviality.  She said we must be in mourning for our father for one year.

Pauliuse and I loved to read books.  The government of the day had closed the Ateitininkai movement  (The Futurist movement).  The movement had  a large library.  We dispersed the books so that they would not be taken by the government.

We received a lot of homework from our teacher during the Christmas holidays

- You must fill two school books of how you spent your Christmas holidays, what your did and so on.

I told everyone at home about this and had no peace, so I had to write.  I managed to complete one school book only.

After the holiday, teacher collected our school books.  During one lesson she brought them in, put them on the table and asked each of us to read what we had written.  She asked me to read my work.  I did so and she congratulated me on my good work.  Teacher was not pleased with other pupils work so they stayed behind after school, but she allowed me and Jokūbkaite to go home.

 The year’s anniversary of my father’s death soon arrived and the commemorative mass was attended by all his relatives, friends and neighbours.  They all attended the commemorative party afterwards.  The next day the young people came together which meant that the mourning had finished and they could enjoy themselves  even with a glass of ale.  This happened at every homestead:  when the year of mourning was completed, it was then possible to dance and to sing.

Our room was used for parties because it was big enough for dancing.

The teacher used to bring some work for my sister and  mother promised to let me attend secondary school but that depended a lot on Pauliuse. She was friendly with Jonas Baronas. He was a good man and wanted to marry Pauliuse. If he married her I would be allowed to continue my education..I was then 12 years old and coud not start in the first form. Starting age was 11 years. I had to be prepared privately for exams to start in the second form. In Martinoniai there was a very good teacher who promised to prepare me for the necessary examination. He taught my cousin Petras Kuliukas and my friend Alfonsas Šidlauskas. They both passed the exams. For me also everything was prepared - school uniform and lodgings in Kupiškis. I don’t know even now what happened but either Pauliuse or Baronas started to mistrust me. They said that when I finish my education I will still demand my share of the father’s estate. I didn’t know what to do. I went to see my uncle but he also didn’t want or didn’t know how to help me. I started thinking that my life is at an end and decided to hang myself. It didn’t come off - the string was to weak and broke. I accused Pauliuse but later got to know that it wasn’t her fault. Baronas married her friend Marcinkevičiūte from Strošiūnai. After a couple of years  when I was a bit older I met him at the flour mill. He told me: -You don’t know what mistake I made by not marrying Pauliuse. He asked me to tell my sister nothing and he told me what sort of live he was leading: -I am like a slave. My wife and her mother always shout at me treating me like a hired labourer.

I wanted to tell him that it was a very good lesson for him.

Routine business and worries

In 1930 would have been 10years since we moved from Strošiūnai to Pilviškiai. The tenants Vilkas and Markincevičius refused to the rent for the rented farm. Juozas Vaitkevičius helped us to find a solicitor who advised us to take them to court before the 10 year period is up. We went to the court in Kupiškis but before the hearing the solicitor advised us to settle out of court. We did as advised and received 1500 litai settlement.

That summer I was tending to the grazing animals. It was my last shepherding year. We did all sorts of things. Even tried to smoke. Sometimes we managed to get some cigarettes and one used to go further away to see if the smoke can be seen. We were frightened that parents would get to know. I sometimes took some eggs from home and we took them to be exchanged for cigarettes.

About the same time Pukštienės brother Einoris returned from America. Their house had no chimney (smoke used to go up the hole in the roof) so for some time he lived with us. He was not young but a pleasant man. He used to tell us stories how he worked in a car factory, polishing car components. From this work his hand shook and he had a special heavy spoon so he could control it better. When he had a drink his hands did not shake so badly.  He  complained that for some time he didn’t earn much and therefore he did not bring a lot of money back with him. He was not married and it seemed that he had a hard life in America.

At that time everybody admired young Strukinskas lads, saying that they were the best in the area. Jasius was tall and good looking, Petras - shorter but quiet man. Some said that they were “šlėktos” (Polish gentlemen). The girls took to Jasius like bees to honey but he, like most of them, liked a drink.  Sometimes he  got involved in  fights. There were fights in every village. Some groups of men fought the others.

Petroškis was a good blacksmith. He could drink a lot. He had a group of strong men who could beat anybody. For the fights they would be prosecuted, not jailed but deported for a few months to the different parts of the country.

The surrounding area was being ameliorated. The river Pyvesa was being dredged. Men working there were up to their waist in water. They earned a lot of money and there were continuous fights.

The old villages were being divided into farms, so it was difficult to get farm labourers. In 1932 Pilviškiai village was divided into farms. New farm buildings had to be built. The farmers had to demolish the old village farm buildings, cut down all the old trees. Only the fruit trees were allowed to be uprooted and taken to the new farmsteads. The old apple trees did not survive the uprooting and replanting. The government was supposed to pay for the old fruit trees that didn’t survive but very few received compensation. The farmers weren’t very happy.

When our village was divided into farms the land surveyor stayed at Vaitkevičius and there were rumours that he helped them to the best pick. When the village land was divided the farmers competed  for the best land, better place. The first farm was the smallest. Pranas Vaitkevičius took it. Juozas Vaitkevičius wanted the plot by the pine wood where there was less arable land but the others also wanted this plot. Strutinskas took 31 hectare plot. The largest plot was 35 hectares.

Mother wanted us to take the plot nearest to her mother’s land. We took the Paplintaukis.

From village to farms

When the Pilviškiai village was divided into farms, everyone started building new farmsteads. First we dug a well because our farm was right in the middle of growing crops and that summer we could not do much. We could not prepare the land properly for the winter crop and the autumn was very wet.

We planned what and where we should build. The advisors were plentiful. We decided next spring first to build a barn, later the stables and a shed. In the village we still had a lot of buildings to demolish and in Strošiūnai we still had a barn and a corn storehouse which were nearly new and only needed to be brought over. The corn store had good timbers. We cut a lot of timbers into boards for which later I was very sorry. When we built our house we were short of these timbers. Later we had a lot of trouble to get some more timbers to finish the house.

In the spring we demolished the barns and other buildings and brought everything over to the new farm. Though the village building material was old we managed to build barns and stables. The 1933-1934 winter we spent living in the village while the animals were at the new farm. Jonas and Steponas Misiūnai from Vainiukiškis built a very nice corn storehouse. We lived in it until our house was built. We did the cooking  outside where we had our temporary kitchen. Bread was baked at the village where we still had an oven. You may say that we spent that summer like gypsies. This year we managed to complete only one end of the house but it was quite large so there was enough room for all. Sometimes Pauliuse had three girls to learn sewing.

As usual during the winter months the young farmers used go round proposing to the girls, were looking for wives. Obviously the girls with biggest dowries had most proposals. Our Afemija had some proposals for the last couple years. At the end she also found herself a husband. He was Ramusis Gabrėnas from Patroškis village. He was 18 years older than Afemija but he had a nice farm and was a orderly man.

The people talked that she kept on choosing and in the end chose an old man. The others were saying that she liked his farm better than the man. So in January 1935 we had a big wedding. She had seven or eight bridesmaids. But, because only one end of the house was lived in, we we a bit short of space. We invited all the nearest relatives, neighbours and friends.

I was very upset because I was not allowed to be the best man because there wasn’t a bridesmaid for me. My bridesmaid had to be Valiusė Kalainaitė but their family did not attend the wedding. They didn’t like that Afemija was willing to help Ladziune Glemžaite  perform abortion. People were saying that Juozas Murolius had raped Ladziune and she became pregnant. He wanted to marry her but her grandmother was against it as he wasn’t much of a man. Ladziune asked Afemija to find a woman who could perform an abortion.

We made plenty of beer and food for the wedding. The house was full of people. To dance we went to the neighbour. The wedding took place at the Alizava church. After that we partied until midnight. On Monday we all went to Petrošiškiai, to the bridegroom’s place and continued partying. There were still more people. We slept in the barn. On Tuesday evening we returned home. So this was Afemija’s wedding.

In 1935, after Afemija’s wedding, I took over the running of the farm, became a farmer. Earlier I wasn’t very keen and from beginning it  was very hard but Pauliuse helped me a lot and in the end I got used to it quite quickly.

Our plot didn’t have much arable land so we to labour to prepare some more. While we still lived at the old village we could not sort out our farm properly. Our fields where divided into three plots: resting land, winter crops and summer crops. Now we divided our fields into six plots, later I wanted eight. At present it was not possible to do so because the land further away from the old village was neglected, summer crops didn’t do very well. There was a lot of work until we managed to get the land into shape. We collected the big stones, chopped down old bushes, dug drainage ditches. The new laws required all the land to be properly drained. The surveyors told us where the ditches had to be dug and every farmer had to dig his own land - immaterial if it was helpful to him or not.           

Oh Youth how beautiful you are!

To tell the truth, the times were not happy for me, although I was 17 years’ old.  For my age I was not tall, and everyone thought of me as a shepherd boy.  I was not pleased, because my friends with whom I went to school, and others, younger ones, were fully grown men, and I still looked like a child.  The girls, particularly the younger ones, did not want to dance with me during the summer hops, or other dances.  It was so hard.

In those days when anyone died, the neighbors men would be asked to be gravediggers.  The grandmother of Misiūnas died and I was asked to dig her grave.  It was said that everyone had to dig a minimum of three graves, to be certain that he would not remain above ground.  When we were digging the grave one neighbour, several years younger than me, began sniping saying that a shepherd was a gravedigger.  Others egged me on saying am I not going to doing anything about these jibes.

- Give him one in the jaw - they egged me.

I ran closer - but he did not take notice of me.

- Come on, if you want a fight - he said.

And to this day I do not know whether I was afraid of him, or did not want to fight - I returned to my gravedigging.

Several more years slid by, and I grew up, and gradually accepted my life.

In 1937 Pauliusė completed her cutting and sewing course in Kaunas, and received a diploma.  This resulted in her having even more work, and always had a few girls learning the trade.  Pauliusė at the time was friendly with Alfonsas Šalkauskas.  He was in charge of the Juodinių mill and sawmill, he was a gifted man, good mechanic.  If anyone’s thresher broke down, he repaired it.  There were no automobiles or motorcycle in the village.  It was good for anyone to have a bike.  In those days very few could even ride a bike.

For several years there was a draught.  Nearly all the ponds dried up, and it was difficult to dip the flax.  We laid them out in the fields, but the fibres were not so good, and we got less money for the linen.  Even in winter we had to carry the water for the animals from the pits.

After the summer work I found a specialist well digger who also laid the sides of the well with stone.  He advised drilling so as not to be short of water.  We drilled about half a metre and found sand, and water gushed out, so we dug to sand level.  It was evening so we had no time to line the well with stones.  We prepared everying for an early start next day.  When we arrived the next morning we saw that the well was full of water.   For  two nights and two days we emptied the water. For a  day and a night we lined the well with stones but the water rose.  It was a good well, and there was never any shortage of water.  All the neighbours took the water from our well.

At the time the regions farmers had established themselves in farms and lived quite well, although sometimes it took a few days whilst queuing at “Maistas” (Food) reception points before the pigs could be sold.

But we also enjoyed ourselves, often organised dances, evenings with plays and dances, parties.  It was a pity we could not go to every party, because it was a custom to have entertainment at one’s house.  Every year we organised on or two parties at home.

My weakness was that I used to get drunk very quickly, so often made a feel of myself.  I tried to drink as little as possible, but to no avail.  Neighbour Pakštai organised for the first time a big party.  Not far from their farm, there was a dance organised and their relative taught me all sorts of dances.  Truth to tell, I was not that good a dancer, and used to practice in the barn with a pitchfork.  So the next day when their guests were leaving for home, I helped Ramusis to harness the horses for the leaving guests.  One guests hors was a little wild and I could not control it as it kicked high breaking the lightening cable near the house.  I came the next day and repaired the cable.  In this way I mended my wrong-doing.

In the region of Alizave there was established a self-help from fire society, and members were required to pay a fee.  There were few members at first.  If a house burnt down, the society would provide funds for rebuilding.  When the village was divided into farms, fires often occured mostly from lightening.  Lightening conductors were not cheap, so not many farmers had them, and those that did - this fire prevention device did not always work.  There was a big storm one night, with lightening criss-corssing the skies, and even the earth seemed to tremble from the thunder.  More than 20 fires could be seen in the area.  Not many helped to put the fires out as they were afraid to leave their own homes in case lightening struck.  After they everyone wanted to insure themselves and joined the Alizave fire prevention society.  The society and we had members from neighbouring counties.

Once Jasius Strunskis, Ramusis Pakštas and I decided to make some ‘moonshine’.  We brewed about a hundredweight of malt.  Everything went well.  I took the barrel to the woods, but the lid did not fit and Jasius had to bring his own.  The evening came and it was too late to start distilling the ‘moonshine’.  We hid everything as best we could.  Early in the morning I sowed the rye in the fields and went to the wood to see if all the appatus was safe.  Apparently somebody had followed us the night before and had taken everything as soon as we had left.  So my first attempt at making ‘moonshine’ in the woods failed.

Me and Pranuse were of the same mind. Sometimes I also went to see Afemiją. Ramusis was very good to me. From beginning I could not understand why. Later I found out that he didn’t like women very much. He prefered men. Once he tried to pick me. I told him: ‘You are a married man, Afemija is a fine woman’. He told me that he will not touch her as he wants to make sure the baby is his.

By 1937 summer all the boards have dried. So we finished the other end of the house, the carpenters made a very nice room. We had a very big house warming party, probably the biggest we ever had.

The days rolling by the mashland

During the threshing time all the farmers made some very good beer. In those days threshing was done by big machines so there was a need for a lot of helpers. We used to manage to thresh one farm during a day. The people of Biržai knew how to make good beer so we very rarely run out of beer. There even was a saying: ‘Merga padvilė, apačioj skylė, kas pakarštavos, tas padėkos’ (merga - beer glass, when you remove spigot - plug from the barrel there is a hole and who ever tastes always says thank you.)

Pauliuse and Alfonsas agreed to get married during Christmas. They wanted to have a big wedding. As I was saying Alfonsas worked as Juodiniai flour-mill and saw-mill manager. Jiežiauskai (the owners) promised to arrange a wedding because he worked for them for several years. Obviously, we weren’t going to be out done. They wanted the party to begin at their place on Monday. I did not agree. It would look as if they were marrying into their business. At the end they agreed that the first day we will be partying at our place and only the second day we will go to their place.

I found a good beer maker from Sabuliškes - Balzas. We also wanted a good musician but Christmas were not far away and it was difficult to get one. The only one left for us was Kuliukas from Garbučiai.

So during the 1937 Pauliuse got married. The wedding was beautiful: the church full of people. Many bridesmaids and their partners. My bridesmaid was Pranutė. Pauliusė used to sing in the church. She was a chairperson of a catholic youth organization so people liked her. Alfonsas was not a catholic but the priest didn’t say anything.

After the wedding they moved in with us. Pauliusė carried on with sewing and Alfonsas worked in the flour-mill. They were planning to buy their own mill. Jiežiauskas knew his plan and wanted him to finish work as soon as possible. They did everything to make Alsonsas resign, so he would not be dismissed as it would have cost them more money. Alfonsas said that he will last couple more months.

1938 summer was very nice. In Alizava during the St.Anthony day used to be big church festival. We had a big open air dance party. We were also invited to a few parties ourselves. One of them was especial. Vindzė from Ginočiai who used to live near Rokiškis got married to Žeižis. When Ginočiai farm was divided into separate plots she received her share of the land as a dowry. In 1938 this special party was to celebrate Ramutis Ginotis release from prison where he served 10 years for killing his father. He looked very nice and polite. He looked more like an office worker than a farmer. Nobody mentioned his past. Obviously he didn’t know us at all. After 10 years we all looked different - grown-up men and women. Later this year Bronė Pakštaitė got married to Petras Misiūnas from Vainuniškis. They had a big wedding too. Pranutė used to be friendly with Jasius Strutinskis. He just return from the army having done his military service and becoming lance-corporal. When he returned he liked a drink and many girl friends. Mother liked him very much and Pranutė, I believe, was in love with him.

One autumn day we saw people rushing past our house and some shouted: ‘Why don’t you go and help to put the fire out? The mill at Juodiniai is on fire.’ We lived not far from the wood so we could not see the smoke. When reach there the fire was out. The flour-mill and some outbuildings were gutted but the motors and the saw-mill still stood. Jiežiauskai accused Alfonsas of starting the fire. The police came down to our place but on that day when the fire started they were away to have a look at a flour-mill at Šimonis which later they bought. Later there were some rumours that the owners themselves started the fire as they receiver a lot of money from the government insurance.

We all went to see this mill at Šimonis. It was in a very poor condition. When the flour-mil worked all the building swayed. The only good thing was diesel motor “Ruson”. Sister’s husband Alfonsas said: ‘Don’t worry, I will repair it and will be different.” The saw-mill was in the similar condition. They decided to live there. I used to down often to help Alfonsas with repairs and to help in the saw-mill. Later we realized that the mill wasn’t in all that bad condition. Alfonsas was very good mechanic and done it up himself. People started bringing con to mill and timber and board to saw.

If I received call-up papers I am a man.

In spring of 1939 I received call-up papers to do my national service in Lithuanian army. Before, if there was only one man in the household, he was exempt from national service. Later the law was changed and men were allowed one month leave in every three months to do the farm work. I was hopping that I will not be suitable for army.

The work on the farm went very well that year. I had many worries until I paid my sisters’ dowries. Afenijas dowry - 3000 litas - was paid off and Pauliuses - 1.500 litas. When they bought the mill I had to borrow from the bank 500 litas. The debts now were paid off. I made an effort to ensure that next year, when I was in the army, everything would go as well. I was hopping to get a good farm labourer so I didn’t have to lease the farm on half-and-half bases.

In May 1939 I had to present myself to the recruiting commission in Vabalninkai.

The town was full of men, mostly drunk. The district office - recruiting point. The recruiting officer, distant relation Cloaks. I thought he was going to help me. He just asked me in what branch of the army I would like to serve.

  - Artillery or armoured detail, - I told him.

He put it all down. I was hopping to get what I asked for. After the medical I was told that I am fit for service.

I returned home. I had to enlist in the autumn. Since I was born in the first quarter of the year I only had to serve one summer. This summer flew like a dream. In the autumn - commotion, the army at an alert, Germany started war with Poland, all the horses and the carts mobilised, and all reservists call up. November was approaching. My call-up was suspended: I must wait. Later, at the end of December I was informed to report at Biržai commandantura.

I knew than that I will serve in the army for more than one summer and had to find a good farm labourer. At that time was very difficult to find farm labourer. We decided to lease our farm on half-and-half bases. That meant we had to sell two horses. A young mare we decided to keep. In the autumn I took our ten-year-old mare to the market to sell. It was pity to sell her. My father reared her. When I sold her I went to have a drink. It seems I had too much to drink because I could not remember how I got home. Mother asked me how much I got for the mare; I gave her my valet and went to bed. The next morning she told me that my valet was empty. It seemed that somebody robbed me. I had no mare and the money was gone.

In 1939 Lithuania regained Vilnius and the region.

In 1939 Germans and Russians beat the Poles. It was very unclear what was waiting in the morrow. All sorts of rumours were flying about but the press and the government said nothing. Later was announced that Russians were returning Vilnius and its region to Lithuania. There weren’t any clear indications of what the conditions were, but all the Lithuanians were overjoyed on getting back their capital. We read in the papers that people there were living very poorly and “Lietukis” and Pieno centras” started taking food to Vilnius and its region, while in Lithuania there were difficulties in getting diesel oil for thresh the corn. Alfonsas could not get enough fuel to run his mil and therefore decided to sell it. But there weren’t any buyers. He made an arrangement with the previous owner that he will take over the mill and Alfonsas will take the motor. It was decided to take the motor home. I organised a collective assistance as we wanted to bring everything home together. However, the winter in 1940 was very harsh and we the transportation had to be postpone. It is a pity that I had to join the army and don’t know what happened, but the motor was brought home.

Time flew by and I had to prepare the farewell party as the time approached to join the army. The same beer maker Balza brewed some beer. In our neighbourhood were a lot of new recruits so we decided to make the journey to the recruiting centre together. Afenijas husband Ramusis promised to take me. We were joined by Antanas Vaitekūnas and we promised to take also Švelniukas.

We had many guests, all the relations and neighbours arrived. I tried to get drunk so I could forget everything but wasn’t very successful. The beer maker Balza cut my hair short and mother said: - ‘This will some sort of remembrance’.

She also wanted to bless me but I managed to avoid for what I was sorry all my life. However she managed to cross me and I said good-bye to everybody. I felt as I was saying good-bye foe ever. During the handshakes everybody pressed some money into my hand only Pauliuse didn’t. Later she saw that I collected  quiet a lot of money so she took a bit of me. She said I was going to waste it anyway. I collected one hundred and fifty litai. I finally said my last farewells, outside I embraced my horse, kissed him and started crying. I felt that wasn’t going to see it anymore.

We all sat in the sleigh. Ramusis took me to Biržai, Jasius and Napalis accompanied me up to Vainiūkiškio where we pick-up Antanas Vaitiekūnas. He had a farewell party also. We stopped here for a bit and by the time we reached Švelniukas he had departed already. Half way down the road we met the other recruits from our area. They also stopped at some wine making place. We joined them. Seems I had too much to drink as on reaching the Biržai I noticed that my fur coat had one coat tail ripped. Ramutis somewhere found a tailor who stitched it on again. In the town all the restaurants and pub were closed as the new recruits weren’t allowed to drink.

At the recruiting centre they started calling out names and told who is to join which detail. I was detailed to join the lst Infantry Grand Duke of Lithuania Gediminas regiment. In Vilnius. I shouted that I wanted to join the artillery regiment. Policeman asked me if I wanted the police to find that regiment for me.

Later I said good-bye to Ramusis and the others as they were detailed to other regiments.

So on 28th of February I finished my civilian life for unknown period. What the future will bring nobody knew.

Vilnius, the Holy city!

Most of the resident of Biržai were sent to Vilnius. A large part of the new recruits were from Šiauliai, Radviliškis and Kaunas. We reached Vilnius late on 1st of March. The station and the city were in darkness but we managed to reach the barracks all right. Our room was large. We spent the night as best as we could.

Early morning as soon as it was light I went outside. Through the mist I could see Gediminas hill and on top the red castle tower. I rushed back inside.

  - Men, the castle of Gediminas is nearby, - I shouted in a coarse voice.

We all rushed out into the barrack square. We shouted from excitement, some started crying. All shouted and nobody listened. We behaved like small children.

After a while a sergeant told used to fall in line in the yard with our belongings. He started calling our names. Nearly all were divided into companies but I still stood and waited. Finally my turn came. A lance corporal, not very tall, looked like hare, presented himself as the lst regiment of Grand Duke Gediminas first company’s platoon commander. In our group were over 30 recruits. He told us to take our belongings, to fall in line and from Šnipiškes barracks marched us to Kosciuška street barracks not far away from Gediminas hill and the castle.

barracks marched us to Kosčiuška street barracks not far away from Gediminas Hill and the castle.

We climbed to the second floor. The barracks were large. One building housed an entire company. Downstairs - heavy machine-gun company. Our two platoons were housed in one room. There were four rows of bunk beds. Each one was allocated a bed, told to leave our belongings under the bed, take off winter clothes and go to the mess-room for a meal.

After lunch our hair was cut short and we were issued with uniforms. Now we became real soldiers. Dressed in uniforms we were taken to the public bath. When we returned it was already dark. After the evening roll call the sergeant major told us to sleep in the beds we were allocated earlier.

   - Tomorrow we divide you into platoons and sections, - he told us.

Whistle - time to bed. Soon  after the lights were put out and only stayed on in the corridor where the guards were.

The whistle woke us. Order to wash.  More sergeants and lance corporals appeared. All giving orders, rushing us to dress, to make the beds, to tidy up - that made us all sweat.

After the morning roll call we were led to the mess-room for breakfast. Later we were told to prepare for parade.

The sergeant major gave an  order: attention! Three officers entered one of them our company commander. He, with the other officers, inspected us, said something to one or two. Then the sergeant major ordered us to attention! All the officers left and the sergeant major took over. Sorted us in rows according to the height: tall ones to the right, small ones to the left. I was in the middle - number twenty-one, that meant I was in the second platoon, third section. My dream to be in the first regiment, first battalion, first company, first platoon was not fulfilled because I was only 1 m 68 cm.

The sergeant major introduced us to the platoon commanders. The first platoon commander was a tall sergeant. Our platoon commander was the sergeant, who as I mentioned before, resembled a hare but was a very good platoon commander. Our section leader was a lance corporal Popendikis and his assistant - private Šulcas. They were both from Klaipėda area from German extraction.

That’s how I started the life of a new recruit. It was not easy from the  beginning but later I got used to it. Very soon the three months of military training went by. On the May 15th we swore the allegiance to the State and not just somewhere else but on the Gediminas hill in the shadow of the castle. Later I stood here several times as the guard of honour.

There was good discipline in the company. The company commander was very stern. The older soldiers told us that to please him you had to be disciplined, not ask for pass out, do not request to go on holiday and be a good shot. He was a very good shot himself. I liked shooting. Once we had in the company shooting competition. I got the most points. The company commander told me: - You shoot well. I didn’t say anything. He repeated that again. I still didn’t say anything. A lance corporal standing nearby whispered to me: - Say ‘For the good of the country’, unless you want to be penalised.

So I shouted: ‘For the good of the country’.

After a while the Russian detail vacated Šnipiškes barracks. Then the first battalion was moved in there. They were new, recently built by the Poles, single storey with a modern kitchen. Only we could not use it because the Red Army took all the equipment and what they could not they smashed up.

Dark clouds over East… Occupation

We didn’t stay for long in Šnipiškes barracks. On 14th of June1940 we received an order to get ready for action and wait for further orders. We sat around till morning, some listening to the radio.

Our company commander gave an order to surrender all the ammunition and battle equipment: - The government of Lithuania surrendered to the Soviet ultimatum. Russians crossed the Lithuanian border and soon would be in Vilnius. Do not try to resist.

He could hardly hold back the tears.

All went quiet. Not a sound. The soldiers looked like stone figures. And only when the sergeant major ordered to surrender arms, people started moving. Most surrendered their arms with overflowing tears.

The 15th of June was very nice and warm day. Most of us climbed on the barrack roof so we could see further. After a while we could see Russian soldiers approaching our barracks. They looked very tired, hardly able to walk. They all sat down on the grass. Some were eating whatever they had, the others thirstily drunk water.  They stripped off even their undershirts.

We watched them all the while from the roof of our barracks. Later we came down and walked nearer to them. They smelt horrible. They were shaking their undershirts - seemed like they were killing lice. Others slept where they sat.

We were told not to approach any closer.

Second day we received an order to leave Šnipiškes and return to the barracks on Košciuška Street where we were earlier. On the other side of the street was a large Polish prison. Earlier on, after engineers removed the bars, the prison was used to house 2nd and 3rd battalions and the new recruits were trained in the prison yard.

From beginning it looked as if everything would carry on as normal. However, as soon as political leaders emerged, discipline went overboard. Rumours were rife that all the officers are exploiters (buožės), landowners, set against working people, they exploit soldiers, torture them. We were incited not to respect the officers. Officers understood what was happening because they were respected and, may be said they were loved. We were allowed to go into town without a pass. Just had to a get number tag, tell the guard and off we went. Now we had a better chance to know Vilnius and its historical sites. Many soldiers went on home leave without permits and later they suffered for that.

Members of my family wrote to the new minister for defence asking to release me home to see to some matters on the farm. The company commander gave me four days leave.

On the 27th of July I left by train and next day I was at home.

At home I was met in the back yard by my mother and sister. I did not realise how fast I had run to mother, kissed her hand and embraced her. I was so moved I could hardly speak. I don’t know how long we would have stood there if Pranutė have not invited me in.

The farm was leased on half-and-half basis (the lessee worked all the farm and gave half his harvest in lieu of rent) for, as without me there was nobody to work the farm.

I didn’t notice how fast those four days slipped by.

Monday morning I was back at the barracks and just in time. The guard told me that everything is changing: very stern discipline was introduced. It was forbidden to go freely into town and those late coming back were heavily penalised. Some older soldiers had been released home.

On Sunday we went out into town. We always would go to St. Johns (šv.Jono) church. There would be a lot of people, especially Lithuanians. The priest said beautiful sermons and after the Mass we sang National Anthem. The church rang with the sound as we all sang as one. There we could forget what was happening in the country. We still hoped that everything would turn out all right.

Even later the church used to be full of people and soldiers. At that time it was forbidden to sing the National Anthem. Probably that was the reason for even more people to come to the High Mass because there they still sang The National Anthem and patriotic songs.

The occupant’s fist hardens

The communist political leaders in the companies started organising communist meetings, demonstrations with placards. Established, as it was called, a red room.

Soon the food changed. Once they brought for dinner some very nice looking fried mincemeat balls. We all waited to be served but when we tasted them we found that they weren’t meat but fish balls and tasted awful. Not many ate them. The other time we were deceived by the gruel. We taught it was rice - so white and nice but it turned out is like sawdust tasting millet gruel.

Sometimes we used to get smoked fish. Once we took all the fish, stuck four matches in each as legs and put them in line like soldiers and sat at the tables not eating them. The political leader entered the mess-room, had a look and walk out. The clerk later told us that the political leader went into the office and told him to get out, as he couldn’t control his temper. Later interrogated to find out whose idea it was.

In September the first Company was sent to work in Vilnius airport. We billeted in  Kirtimai village with the farmers.

On Sundays we still used to go to St. John’s church. There were still a lot of people but not so many soldiers. The political leaders strictly forbade soldiers to go to church. So

After the mass we quickly dispersed but the political leaders kept watch on us.

There were few soldiers in the other companies from home. After one Mass Dauberis, Švelnis, Šėlis and I went to a pub for a drink. We had a few and became merrier and more chatty. A civilian sat at our table and started talking. He spoke not bad Lithuanian and said he was from Vilnius. He puled out a wad of money and asked who wanted what to drink. He kept buying us drinks and cursed Russians asking us to sing patriotic songs. Not far from the door stood a few Russian officers. I noticed that they were watching us. The waitress passing by nudged me indicating that I should follow her. I thought that there is my chance to meet a nice girl but it wasn’t like that.

   - See those Russian officers, - said the waitress. - Outside there are some Russian soldiers and they have asked for reinforcements. Go outside through the back door one by one, only watch that the officers don’t notice too quickly.

I went in and told the men what’s happening. Our civilian friend asked who told me. I said, let’s go outside and I will tell you.

So one by one we left the bar and through the fence managed to get to the next street.

We watched from further away as a Russian army wagon arrived and soldiers surrounded the bar. If caught we would have been heavily penalised as none of us had a permit to be in town. Fortunately everything finished all right. I had no more chance to visit that bar to thank the gallant waitress for helping to avoid prison sentence.

In November our company was sent to Panevėžys for work to build Pajuostis airfield. The Lithuanian barracks were occupied by the Russians. We were allocated one room where beds had just wooden boards. The airfield was not very big and large Russian planes used to turn over on landing.

We had to cut the trees and pull the stumps. We had to work with axes and spades without any mechanical help. The Russians were widening the airfield.

My home was not far away from Panevėžys. I received a letter that “my mother was sick”. With it I went to see the company commander who gave me two days leave. Again I had couple happy days at home.

On returning I was told that the political leader was angry why he wasn’t told about my leave.

In the airfield we worked until Christmas. On 24th of December we left by a train by way of Kupiškis, Rokiškis, Daugpilis to Vilnius. Christmas was spent in the train. We returned to the barracks to find nothing changed…

What the New - 1941 Year will bring

The New Year started with sterner discipline and still poorer food.

In the beginning of February we were told by the company commander that there would be divisional exercises.

   - The first company will represent our regiment. We will have to prepare two battle ready sections: one for attack and one for defence: - I want volunteers who think they will be good group leaders. Hands up. The first to vol