Not Destined to Die

 

 

by  Juozas Kuliukas

 

Note From his son

This is a translation of my father’s autobiography, “Ne buvo Lemta Zuti”. Many thanks to Henrikas and Vida Gasperas for patiently translating it, as my Lithuanian is very poor. I must apologise for some problems with the Lithuanian characters. I will endeavour to fix them in time.

The book was published in Lithuania by Kardas in 1996. ISBN 9986-636-07-8.

 

WORD TO THE READERS

The memoirs of Juozas Kuliukas is a book about a Lithuanian soldier, tossed about but not broken in the bloody whirlpool of World War II. His book, therefore, is called “Not destined to die.”

The author was destined to live through numerous torments of war. He was put to tests but withstood them all as can be seen from his memoirs. He loved life, fought for it and even in the hardest moments stood up straight and remained a man as his parents wanted him to be.

The memoirs of Juozas Kuliukas, the Grand Duke of Lithuania Ist Infantry regiment soldier, later participant of the training company, supplement the tragic history of the Lithuanian army during the Soviet rule.

Antanas Martinionis

Clock with two “gherkins” from the two years old “height.”

I was two years old when our family moved from Strođiűnai village to Pilviđkiai. We moved into a large house, as I remember later, into a smaller room as the bigger room was occupied by another family.

In our room, by the wall were two beds: in one slept my two sisters, in the other - the parents. There was a cradle by their bed in which slept my little brother Antaniukas /little Anthony/.

As in a dream I still see in the corner of our room a big hanging thing, like a picture, at the bottom of which swung a pendulum and hung two big black chain-held “gherkins”, producing a sound tick, tock, tick, tock! Only much later I found out it was a wall clock.

At the end of the dwelling-room was a large brick stove where the meals were prepared and the bread was baked. The oven was fired from the kitchen side so it was always warm. On the top of it slept my sister and myself. In the kitchen was another little stove on which mother cooked our meals. The kitchen was used by both families.

Antaniukas was very young. When nobody was looking I would take his dummy to suck . Little brother would start to cry and mother would shout at me telling me not to touch his dummy. It was made from sweetened bread wrapped in a piece of linen.

One early morning mother told my father that her youngest brother Jonukas had died also that his wife Elzbieta looked  poorly. Later on we found out that both had tuberculosis. They both died almost at the same time. Mother told us that the relations did not want to go to the funeral for fear of  catching the disease. My mother’s brother had a daughter Ladziűnë and son Napaliukas. Ladziűne was older than me, Napaliukas - younger. My mother’s eldest sister took both  orphans. They lived with her for some time to ward off the decease. My mother’s mother, my grandma was 80 years old (she was born in 1840 and died in 1946, having reached 106 years old).

A little later I understood that half of our farm was rented to another family and that’s why they lived in the next room to us.

Mother would say that in another year we would work the farm ourselves, without strangers - without lodgers.

All sorts of people visited our neighbours.  My father was not pleased about this, because they drank and were noisy.   I liked to go into that room to listen to what was being said.  Once our neighbours said that in Kupiđkis two men had been hung.  They were very angry about this.  After a few years I found that the hung men were some sort of bolshevics.

After a year our neighbours left, but they rented out their part of the land to others.  Mother was very unhappy, that she would still have to live with another family.  She was aware that it would be difficult to manage the farm by themselves, because the children were small:  the oldest daughter (my sister) Afemija was 12 years old, Pauliusë - 10 years, and Pranusë about 6 years.  I had just reached 4 years, Antaniukas was just 2 years.  My parents had enough problems just raising a family.

Mother’s and father’s stories on a warm stove

In the winter evenings our family would climb upon the warm stove.  We, the children, loved to hear our parents’ stories about their life.  I retain the story of the start of their friendship.

My father was a very strong, tall man.  One autumn he was cutting  the rye at my mother’s parents.  Following her father, my mother tied the shiefs, and through this they became friends and came to like each other.  My mother’s parents, however, did not allow this friendship, because he was a poor smallholder.  What to do?  My mother ran away, and secretly wed him.  Her angry parents gave no dowry, and did not wish to see her.

My mother said that her parents’ farm was large, they lived well.  Her parents were respected in the region.  They had beautiful horses and  with pride would drive to Akizava to the church.  My grandfather - Jonas Glemţa, my grandmother - Elizabeta Glemţienë (Uţubalaitë maiden name).  They had four daughters and son:  the oldest - Ona, my mother, together with Valiuse were twins, the youngest sister - Pauliusë and the youngest was their brother Jonas.  My mother’s father was very strict, and stingy.  In the farm the daughters would have to do men’s jobs:  till the land, cut the hay.  Mother remembered Pyvesos stream.  The hay would be cut almost in the water, then it would be carried to a dry place.  In places it was quite deep, so the horses would pull  the hay with the aid of ropes.  Sometimes people would drown.  Father would not allow his son to work hard, because he studied in the school in the town.  He was unwell when he returned from the school.

My mother said, that her mother “our old woman” was unwell.  As far as she remembers, her mother mostly lay in bed.  The daughters worked everything:  looked after livestock, worked the land.

Because her parents were wealthy, the oldest daughter Ona (my mohter) would have many suitors.  The parents chose the menfolk for the daughters.  My grandfather because of his meanness did not want to give them a large dowry.  Ona, being the oldest, was the housewife, and dealt with everything.  The father did not want her to marry, because there would be no one to look after the house.  Ona was no longer young when she married Vaitkevičius from Pariskiř village.  He had a large farm.  After that Valiusë became the housewife, so that mother and Pauliuse had to work much harder.  As mother used to say, the father did not love his daughters very much, because he wanted sons.  After a few years Valiusë wed Vanagis from Virbaliđkis village.  He also had a large farm, but he liked to drink, so they did not live in harmony.

Mother said that Pauliusë was a very pretty girl, and had many boyfriends.  She was friendly with the son of the neighbouring wealthy farmer.  There were two brothers.  Their father did not like Pauliusë.  They knew that they would not be allowed to wed, so they ran away from home and travelled to America.  My grandfather, mother’s dad, did not like this at all.  Mother said that she felt ashamed as the yougest sister had wed before her.  At the time she was friendly with Antanas, my father.  She was 29 years old and Antanas was 39.  They decided to wed secretly.  Mother had fallen from one misfortune into another:  his parents were good, particularly her mother-in-law.  However, they were annoyed that their son had not received a dowry.  My father Antanas’ farm was small, so mother had to go to other people to work.  Mother-in-law would lock the cottage during the day.  My mother would often go hungry, so she would go into the forest to pick berries and mushrooms, and in the autumn would eat the unpleasant black alder berries.  That is why she lost her teeth.  Antanas her husband tried to make money by seeking trade so was away from home a great deal.  When he was at home, then the parents-in-law were kinder to her.  When mother complained to her husband, he did not want to believe that his parents were so unkind to their son’s wife.

My parents wed in 1905.  After three years a son was born.  Mother said she would be satisfied not to have such a large family as her parents.  Her father had always wanted a son, but only daughters were born.

Mother’s sad recollections

Mother was well into her 32nd year when Aleksiukas was born.  Things got worse:  mother-in-law stated that she (my mother) had not brought one kopec so did not have anything with which to buy the baby some clothes.  My mother then thought she must somehow get hold of some cash.  She knew that her father had money and knew where it was kept.

- I decided to go and get a little money - my mother went on.  - I worked so hard there all the time, so a share of the money should be mine.  It would not be theft.-

One Sunday my mother went to Alizava to church.  Her father had a special place  ‘lonka’ where he sat.  She made sure that he would see her in the church.  She then changed her headscarf and was sure he would not notice her leaving the church.  She ran to Abejutus.  No one noticed her.  The money was kept somewhere under the floorboards in her mother’s room.  Having found the savings mother took a small bag of gold, silver and other currencies, but it was too heavy to carry so she hid the bag on her way back to church. After church she met her mother and spoke with her, until her father came.  They often spoke together when father was not about, but this time she waited specially so that he could see her.  Returning home, she picked up the hidden cash;  at first she told no one not even her husband that she had taken the money from her parents.  She did not even buy anything so as not to attract attention that she had money.  Her mother came one day and said “We know that that you took the money.  Father wanted to tell the police, but it would be shame on us that a true daughter had taken money.  If you confess, they no one will ever know”.

I told mother that I had taken only was due due to me as a dowry.  At first father was very angry, and vowed never to forgive me.  But mother said - you did well to take the money- .

From then on mother and daughter often met, but father for a time did not speak with her.  Then mother went to confession and told the priest she had taken the money.  He was not unduly annoyed and gave her a penance to atone for her sins.

From then on everything was much improved, even the in-laws became friendlier.

Father’s dreams and plans

Father knew a few handicrafts.  He would say:  nine crafts, tenth famine.  He worked at all sorts of jobs and was conscientious.  The farm was not large so father had a lot of spare time.  He said he travelled to Riga and sometimes brought salted herrings and other goods.  That is how he lived.

Mother said that once at Christmas Eve feast five members of the family sat at table, and at another time only two.  It was a very sad Christmas Eve, and looked as though the cottage was empty, everything unpleasant.  During that year the in-laws died, and not long after Aleksiukas.  One morning they awoke but the boy still slept.  When they touched him they saw that he did not move.  They could not believe he was dead.  Even  during the funeral mother could not take the small hearse out of her arms.  Even when he was burried she could not believe that her son was dead.  Whenever she visited Alizava she visited the grave.  Often father would find her there.

It was in the year 1910.  From then on, it can be said, that my parents started a new chapter in their life.  Within a year a daughter Afemija was born.  They were happy with her, but still wanted a son.  Within 18 months another daughter, Pauliusë, was born.

The First World War started.  In 1915 another daughter Pranutë was born, and still no son.  Father said that he was often away on business  which took him far from home, from which he made a good wage.  As he was too old it was not required for him to enlist into the army.

At the end of the war my father’s brother Juozas returned from America.  He did not live there long as he did not like the life:  he worked for a Jewish tailor but did not earn a great deal.  The same as his parents he was thrifty so had saved some dollars.  Returning home he bought some land beside a wood, married an only farmer’s daughter from the village of Graiuţiai.

Mother said that they had also save some money and wanted to buy a larger farmstead.  When in 1918 a son was born (the author) they called him Juozas.  The godfather was my father brother just returned from America.

Father look around a number of farmsteads, but could not find anything that he liked.  He did not want to go far from Strođiűnř.  Later the value of the rouble dropped, and my parents were left without a piece of land.

Mother spoke of father was very conscientious particularly in church and parish affairs.  Alizava had what is calaled a klëđtorius.  In the large hourse there lived an elderly woman, whi had a large farmstead in Pilkaviđkis.  She offtered the farmstead to my father with the condition that he would look after the klëđtorius and would undertake certain tasks for the church.  Father refused stating -  The neighbours will think that we are living off the fortunes of old folk.

Once the old lady called on mother stating - get a stick and hit that man on the head so that his brain returns.  He always looked after me well, so now I would like to recompense him in some way.  Apart from that, I do not have anyone to leave my farmstead to.  I want no conditions - just take the farmstead.

Eventually my parents visited a notary and drew up the necessary documents for transfer of the farmstead.  It was in the year 1920.  They sold their farm in Strođiűnai.  At the time the rouble was worthless.  The farm was bought by the neighbours:  half Vilkas, and the other half Marcinkevičius.  It is said that one sold a cock and the other a calf, and so paid for the farm.

My parents dreams came true, another son was born and he was christened Antaniukas.  In 1920 they moved to Pilviđkiai.

We are left alone on the farm:  Well deserved bread and sweat.

My parents decided they would not rent out half the farm and from 1922 they would work the farm themselves.  Mother was very pleased to have the whole house and kitchen and no one will get under her feet.  We, the children, were very happy: we would have more room to play, and not be afraid of others.  Father hired a girl and a lad as we were too small to assist with farm work.  Our farm was in two units.  About a year later the owner halved the farmstead - as she had to take care of  a relative called Einoris.  He rented out the farmstead telling his guardian  he was studying somewhere.  He lied to her:  all the money received in rent he spent.  In the end he mortgaged the farm as he was well overspent.  He eventually died.  As he had no family, so the farmstead was for a time unmanaged. 

We were left alone in the farmstead. 

My father said that in the two years when the farm was divided into two, he tried his best to manage.  He worked the land particularly well.  My sisters were able to help by then.  In the summer my sister Pauliusë looked after the animals in the fields, and Afemija helped mother in her tasks.  In the autumn they both went to school in Aliozava.  In those days there was only one school in the area with one teacher and children were many.  Often the teacher was asisted by Navikienë from Kalnagliai.  Her husband was an officer in the tsarist arm and held the rank of colonel.  At the time he was serving in the Lithuanian army although he was Russian.

 My father hired another lad - by the name of Petras Misiűnas, from Abejutř. just returned from the army.  Everyone liked him very much as he was a good worker.  He worked there for a couple of years and was like a member of our family.

We had a small black kitten-like dog, named, Trigriukas.  Everyone loved him very much and played with him.  He often ran into the road.  If anyone walked or drove by he often barked.  People laughed saying that he wanted to show that he was big and fierce.  Once Tigriukas ran into the road and was run over.  All the children cried very much;  we organised a funeral and in the orchard on the hill we buried him.  We made a grave of stones and for a long time put flowers there.  Father promised to get another similar dog, but could not find such a small and pretty one.  He got a young brown dog, but we quickly saw that he would not be so small as Trigriukas.

One Sunday my parents went to Alizava to church.  My sisters said that father had that morning brought home some home-made spirits and he put this in the loft where the hung salamis,flitch, meat loaves were kept.  The loft doors were usually kept locked.  My sisters decided to taste the home brew but could not find the key.  The loft was covered with shives in order to insulate the rooms below.  Little Antaniukas crawled through a hole in the ceiling and  poured some home brew into a jar.  We took it below.  Perhaps we tasted too much, because we became drunk and went off to sleep.  When my parents returned from church they were frightened to see us all asleep.  Before long they knew that we had become drunk even little Antaniukas.  Everyone was sent to bed.  The next day Afemija and Pauliusë got a hiding with a birch and had to say a few rosaries.  As I remember my father was strict but never shouted and very rarely used a birch.  Although we were afraid of him but we respected and loved him.

As my mother would say, father was always more concerned for others than his own.  If anyone died in the region, he was always the first the arrange the funeral, made the hearse.  Like a veterinary he helped to look after the farm animals, because in those days vetenery doctors were few and farm between.  Apart from that few people had money to spare to pay them, that is why farmers often helped each other.  Father was known in the area as a good man and never refused a call for help.

Pilviđkis village in my time

In the village of Pilviđkis there lived six big farmers, and on the edge - a small holding.  There always was a smallholding in any village.  On the smallholding there lived an old woman whom my father kept an eye on.  When she fell ill, he brought her home where she died.  My father looked after the smallholding (about an hectare of land) and house for several years until relatives could be found.  The elderley lady wanted to leave everything to us, but my father did not agree.  Much later a widow called Gintautienë was found who had a deaf sun called Arnusius.

The first of the big farmers was called Juozas Strutinskas, who had a daughter called Kaziűnć ir son Jasius.  At the time at the farm there lived also his brother and wife and son Petras.  In the send farm - the Vaitkevičius family lived - with four sons and a daughter.  The Vaitkevičius family had about 104 acres of land.  The older son lived in Amerika, the other son Juozas, during the First World War servied in the Russian tsarist army, and had been a prisoner of war in Austria.  Pranas also served in the tsars army, but was wounded at the beginning of the war and was demobilised.  The daughter later married.  The youngest son Kazys servied in the Lithuanian army.  When he returned home, after a few years he died from tuberculosis.

The third farm was ours.  The fourth - the family Pakđtis.  When they arrived in Pilviđkis, they did not have any house.  As they were very industrious they soon built a house, although without a chimney (a cottage) at the start.  All the rooms were smoked filled.  In those days it was rare to find a cottage or dwelling house without a chimney.  On the fifth farm the Misiűnas family had their dwelling.  The farmer Misiűnas had married a widow called Stukienë who had twins - son Pranas and daughter Bronë.  Misiűnas got on well in my father and often came to call and talked about his life.  During the first world war he had spent somewhere in the depths of Russia.  He said that people there would eat a lot of  sunflower seeds.  Whenever he met, the floors would be full of sunflower seed remains.  They had a daughter Emilija, almost the same age as our Antaniukas.  Misiűnas did not get on with this step-son Pranas and often shouted at him.  May be the son died so early - from tuberculosis having just reached the age of 26.

On the sixth farm the family Ginočius lived.  The parents were not young.  Ginotis was miserly, his wife deaf.  Their daughters married.  The son Ramusis srved in the Lithuanian army, and was a good man.  When he returned from the army he married a rich farmer’s daughter Pučëlaitë from Pagiriř village.  The wedding was a grand affair.  Nevertheless, his father did not allow him to manage the farm - stated he could not do the job properly.

Those were the inhabitans of the villagae of Pilviđkis.

My mother’s sister Pauliusë and her family returned from America in 1925 and temporarily stayed in Abejutai with mother.  Everyone hoped that the ‘Americans’ would give presents, but there were lots of relatives, and they could not give many gifts.  Mother got a breadknife, and we children ‘Corn flakes’ and a few sweets.  We were rather disappointed.  They did not live long in Abejutai, as they purchased a large farm in the district of Papilis, near Pariđkiai.  The family Kalainë lived quite well in America - they had their own bakery.

Our farmstead was very well kept.  We have good quality cows, which gave a lot of milk.  The offspring was good and other farmers ordered calves for their stock early in the season.  We had a good breed of bullock, and farms in the region would bring their cows to us for mating.  We had a good breed of pig.  In the market, the piglets were not cheap.  At the time we did not breed bacon pigs.  The weight of the pigs at the time was in the region of several hundred kilos.  When a pig a was slaughtered there was always assistance.  It would be singed in the orchard, but it was not easy to push it on a sledge into the house.  Hams wer made, smoked fat, sausage from the belly as well as many other types of sausages.  Everything would be smoked at the end of the orchard in the bathouse.

Every farmer had a boy to look after the livestock in the fields..  Our livestock was usuaully looked after by Pranutë, but sometimes I was required to do this.

We Brothers and Sisters!

Once in Alizave there was a big church festival.  Pranulë wanted to go, so I and Antaniukas had to look after the livestock.  There were three piemenys (carers of livestock).  At the time Jasius looked after Strutinskio livestock, and Pranas Stukas looked after Misiűno livestock.  They were perhaps four years or so older than me.  The parents sai, it will be alright, we would do the job.  We were in a pine meadow.  They began to scare and threaten us, and we were afraid because we could see animal bones on the ground.  Seeing the bones Antaniukas ran away.  Left alone I became even more afraid.  I looked everywhere for my brother but could not find him.  Crying, I ran home.  My parents had returned home from church.

- Don’t be afraid, he will not get lost!- said my father.

My mother became worried, so father went out to look for Antaniukas.  He had ran out of the wood and hid in a ditch beside a road.  Returning home from church, people had seen him and took him home.

Antaniukas was two years jounger than me, but he was taller.  I was small for my age.  I was called smalljonas (ţemjonu).  They said that at the age of one when my sisters played with me once they dropped me out of their arms and I fell on my head.   They said that my neck had got a jolt and that is why it was so short.  How much truth there was in this I never found out.  So I remained - short-necked with upright shoulders.  Antaniukas was very good looking and pleasant boy, and everyone loved him.  He would said that he had two girls - one for a Sunday, and the other for the rest of the week.  The children from the Pakđtř family were often with us, so their Paulina was the week girl and Emilija from the Misiűnas family was the Sunday girl.

We had a big beautiful orchard, with delicious apple trees, plums, currants and gooseberries.  The orchard was overflowing with a variety of trees.  From one sife were two ponds with overgrown willow trees.  One pond had a plank across to serve as a bridge.  In the evenings we would sit on the bridge and wash our feet, because during the summer we children did wear any shoes.  From the early spring dew the skin on the feet would crack, and we would rub fat into them to ease the pain.

Abejutai was perhaps a good kilometre away.  Our grandmother would visit with Napaliukas.  She told lots of interesting things about herself, about her life when she was young.  She was 86 years of age at the time.  Grandmother was still very young when serfdom was abolished, although the estate owners did not for a long time comply with the law.  Villagers did not want serfdom

but the Polish gentry would send the cossacks who would, with whips, drive the villages to serve on the gentry’s estates.  My grandmother saw many times how the villagers were beaten.  Although she was very young, nevertheless she also had to go to the  Zasinytis estate and work there.

Once grandmother came alone bringing some silver coins.

- Napolis took these from your home.

Then she explained that we were playing in the orchard with these coins.  I know I would get a good hiding because I was the oldest.  We were told to go into the house. We ran inside, knelt down by the bench with the clock on the wall, and began to pray.  In truth, we didn’t pray all that well.  Seeing us kneeling father went outside.

- If they are praying, then they know that they have donw wrong and will behave - he stated.

Later father warned us that we should not do anything like that again (play with money).

Afemija did not finish primary school because in those days very few finished their primary education, but Pauliuse managed to finish.  Father asked her what she would like to do.

- You are clever, so do you want to go on to higher school, or become a seamstress? - my parents asked.

- I want to be a seamstress - requested Pauliusë.

Father knew a few good dress-makers in Valbalninke who were capable of teaching, but did not want to have complete beginners.  A few years’ experience was needed.  So my sister started elsewhere and then returned to Valbalninkas to the dress-makers there to continue her trade.  The dress-makers were gettin on in age.  They took her on temporarily, saying, if she was clever, she can continue to learn the trade with them.  After a while they promised to make a dress-maker out of her.  The dress-makers usually made suits for officers, and before the war they made suaits for the estates gentry.

When Pranulë was of school age, there were more schools in the region.  There were two schools in Alizave.  I started school at about eight years of age.  School was two kilometres away.  In the autumn with the change in the weather I did not want to go to school, and my father did not force me.  He said the farm would be mine and I would be the farmer.  In 1927 during the autumn I started to go to school with Antaniukas.

In the autumn the dress-maker made clothes for all the family.  I then fell illl but not seriously.  Then Antaniukas fell ill with the same ailment - whooping cough.  His throat swelled and he found difficulty in breathing.  I will never forget how ill he was.  The dress-maker measured his coat, but I thought he would never come to wear it, because he would die.  So it happened, after a few days he did die.  Two doctors were called, but nothing helped.  The old people said that that a live  chicken needs to be torn in half and its entrails wound round the sick child’s neck.  But this did not help.  My poor brother could not catch his breath.  In 1927 at the end of November he took his last breath.  The funeral was huge.  My parents said they did not have a funeral for Aleksiukas so now it was for both of them.  Every year they held memoral services for both of them.

That is how I lost my beloved brother.

I was then in second class at school.  I often did not go to school because my parents were afraid they would also loose me.  When I was just one year I was very ill with bronchial pneumonia.  It looked as if I would not live.  Mu parents often wailed that nothing should happen to me, because they would then have no son to whom they could live the farmstead.

I begin to mature ….

One spring during the night the dogs entered Strutinskis cattle shed and killed all the sheep.  After that every in the village were afraid of the dogs, and dfew villagers ventered put in the night.

Father usually went to market alone or elsewhere with various matters.  Later on I came with him.  He would say that to be a good farmer I should learn how to trade.

Once in Kupiđkis market there was a show of some tricks.  I enjoyed these very much.  I thought I held father’s hand and did not see how he moved away, it would seem that I had held a stranger’s hand.  I was shocked when I realised that it was not father.  There were several hundred carts at market and I could not recognise our cart’s wheels.  I ran from one end of the market to the other.  Father also looked for me, until eventually we met.

Another time we went to market to sell apples and plums.  Father left me on my own.  An elderly woman came up to me saying: - I have a few cents.  Give everything in exchange for my cents.

She picked up a large apple and asked, how much it would cost.  I was selling in quarts so I did not know what to say.  I wanted to give her the apple, but another woman came forward saying:  Child don’t be silly, don’t give anything away for free.  She said: - five cents!

The old woman admitted she did not have five cents.  My neighbour retorted: - I cannot help you.

The old woman was upset and went away.  When I told father about the incident he said I should have given the old woman the apple for free, and should not have listened to the other woman.

My parents were very religious, especially my father.  In the church he had a senior position, and during church festivals he organised everything.  In the region he also belonged to the parents’ committee as well as the parish committee, and assisted in the establishment of a milk collection point at Alizava.

My sisters were young and attractive girls.  One Sunday my father came home first from church.  When the sisters came into the house he asked to see them.  He first looked at Afemijos face and then the others, and wiped the face with a white handherchief.  At first he did not say anything, then he swore, something which he very rarely did.  Mother asked what was wrong.

- In Alizava they told me that my daughters were very pretty, particularly when they put rouge on their cheeks - he laughed.  - It appears they do not rouge their cheeks.  Others say they are the prettiest in the parish.

It appeared that he was very happy to know that his daughters were the prettiest in the whole parish.

That summer I had to look after the farm animals.  Every farmer had a lad for this task.  There were six of us.  We tended the animals for five days, and one day was free.  Misiűnienë sorted things out in such a way that her children did not have to tend the herds during church festivals or parish wakes.  In my youth I had received an electric shock from a storm, afterwhich I was not afraid of storms.  Many were afraid of storms, particularly youngsters.  One day during harvest time when the rye was being taken home, everyone felt there would be a storm and hurried to take in as much as possible.  After midday the sky darkened, dark storm clouded began to gather, and in the distance a sound like  thunderous gun-fire could be heard.  Even the animals were wary.  The herdboys began to cry and pray, but I liked the sound very much.  My parents sent Pranutë to take my place.  But I refused to go home.  She left me a sack to put on my head as protection from the rain.  Shortly it began to rain as though from a bucket.  In a short while all the pasture was flooded.  When the rain stopped the farmers ran to see if the herdboys and animals were still well.  We had herded all the animals to a higher pasture before the rain came.  We had to bring them home as  everywhere was awash.

Mother was a very quiet calm person.  She did not interfere, not even in matters relating to the farm.  My parents lived well together, were amicable.  I never heard them arguing or shouting at each other.  But there were times when mother and father did not speak with each other.  We children felt the atmosphere which was unpleasant.  Father would ask that she should not be annoyed and not believe what other people said.

Father got on well with Misiűnas.  Farmer always got up very early to feed the animals.  After that they would meet either at Misiűnas house or ours, but usually they would chat at one of the cattle sheds.  Misiűnas house had burnt down so they lived close to the corn-kiln.  Someone told mother that father was friendly with Misiűnienë.  It was, of course, not true.  Afther a while everything was well again.

Father bought a horse-driven machine to thresh the corn.  Earlier the corn was threshed by hand, as in those times few farmers had corn threshing machinery.  The farmer Vaitkevičius had his machinery near the threshing floor.  This separated the grain from the hay but other machinery was needed to separate the chaff from the grain.  He would thresh the grain for others also.  In those days only estates had steam machines for threshing, as few farmers had access to this type of machinery.

When threshing was going on, I loved to drive the horses.  I would stand on a type of platform, shout and drive the horses in a circle with the aid of a long whip.  Once father asked me to change with Print who was herding the animals.  I protested and told father I wanted to drive the horses, so I got to whacks with the belt on the behind.  This, however, was a rare occasion.

Farmers made their living from livestock, but also from various types of corn, as well as lots of flax.  There was a lot of work need to produce a good batch of flax.  Large farmers had their own sheds for flax preparation.  We did not have our own shed for this purpose, so to prepare the flax we would take this to  Abejutas to my grandmother.

In the autumn Pranute and I attended the primary school at Alizava.  My sister was in the fourth class whilst I was in the third.  Up until then there was no payment for school from the autumn to the spring, but in the third class I had to start to study.  My father wanted  for me to learn to serve at holy mass.  I was taught my the organist.  Later in the autumn it was Antaniukas’ anniversary, after which a feast was arranged.  About the same time Vaitkevičienë was married, and a huge wedding feast was arranged.  Kalaines was also invited.  Stasys Kalainë was 21 years, he had to join the Lithuanian army and lose his American citizenship.  If he did not join, he would pay a fine.  He decided to return to America, to Chicago.  In that year during Christmas Eve feast, we were less in family numbers.  My parents tried hard not to show their hurt.

A dark shadow engulfs our family

Father wasn’t well: he complained of  stomach pains, sometimes vomited. He rode to see the doctor Zaborski who told him that everything will be alright, gave him some medicine but it didn’t help much. Though not very well, after Christmas he decided to go to his cousin Jonas Kuliukas and finish threshing the corn. It seems in those days everybody was very stingy and economical. As the people were saying, Jonas mother had some 10 year old sausages and bacon. She told our dad that he must eat well and all his illnesses will go away. She fed our father well with these sausages and bacon. When he went to bed that night he never got up again. Doctor Zaborski was called for, who said:

- I will mend you.

However things didn’t improve. They brought another doctor from Pandelys but he coud not help either.

On 14th January1929 father died, and then we felt what it was to loose a  father. Especially mother. She became very detached and for a long time could not accept this loss.

We had a big funeral. The priest led the mourners  from our home to the church. The procession of neighbours and acquaintances stretched from Pilviđkes to Alizava, as it wasn’t easy walking beside each  other on a hard winter road. Some were driving in  carriages. The church was packed as all relations from far and near wanted to show  their  last respects to our father. The priest mentioned in the sermon that he never seen so many people in his church during a simple farmer’s funeral.

It was not easy after father died, especially for  mother.  Father’s brother helped us for some time (as I mentioned before mother didn’t interfere in farming and, she said, I am not going to start now). So the running of the farm was taken over by Afemija with help from neighbours. Afemija was 19 years old. Although young she managed to farm well. Later Pauliuse, when she completed her tailoring course, returned home where she started sewing and also helped on the farm.

When Pranute and I went to school, father’s well looked after farmstead gave a profit, so there was money available. Father didn’t trust banks and lent some money to the local neighbours using some guarantee bonds called “vekseliai”. He said these are better than the banks.

To the school march, march…

Earlier, in winter, when the weather was bad we were taken to school by carriage but now we had to walk, therefore I didn’t much bother to learn to be an altar boy.

Pranute was in the fourth form and received a big book. In those days the schools received very few good books because they were very expensive. Most of the parents could not afford them. Father bought our books and those who could afford bought them themselves. The form teacher wasn’t very good to Pranute but she was successful in her studies and passed her fourth form examinations.

In this year we had a good farm labourer so everything went well. The only problem was sowing seed. Normally the farmer sows himself. Afemija said that now she is the head and she would like to sow. From the beginning she had problems but later learnt to sow well.

Pauliuse was doing well with sewing, and she had enough work. 

During the year we all did our share in the fields.  During the summer I tended the livestock.

I started the fourth class in the autumn.  I did well, especially in arithmetic.  But the teacher always found someone to pick on, she gave much homework and accused me of copying from my sister’s workbook of the previous year.  Several of us stayed behind after class to do extra arithmetic.  Eventually the teacher said I should go down a class, go to the third class.  I was there for about a week, and repeated the course of the previous year.

Mother knew the teacher’s housekeeper, who advised that she take a gift to the teacher.  Early in the morning we filled a basket full of sausage, other smoked meats, a chicken.  The housekeeper awaited our arrival. And so that is how I returned to the four class.

The school head was  very strict.  She would have pupils remain after school, would make them kneel in a corner on dried peas, sometimes hit our hands with a ruler.  But everyone respected her, and we taught the children well.

It was not good at home without father, but we had to get used to this.

Pilviskis had quite a number of very pretty girls.  Our house was always full of them:  my three sisters, Pakđto two daughters, Strutinsko Kaziűnëk, Misiűno Bronë and others, so Saturdays and Sundays there were plenty of young men around who lived in our area.  Mother did not allow any dancing or joviality.  She said we must be in mourning for our father for one year.

Pauliuse and I loved to read books.  The government of the day had closed the Ateitininkai movement  (The Futurist movement).  The movement had  a large library.  We dispersed the books so that they would not be taken by the government.

We received a lot of homework from our teacher during the Christmas holidays

- You must fill two school books of how you spent your Christmas holidays, what your did and so on.

I told everyone at home about this and had no peace, so I had to write.  I managed to complete one school book only.

After the holiday, teacher collected our school books.  During one lesson she brought them in, put them on the table and asked each of us to read what we had written.  She asked me to read my work.  I did so and she congratulated me on my good work.  Teacher was not pleased with other pupils work so they stayed behind after school, but she allowed me and Jokűbkaite to go home.

 The year’s anniversary of my father’s death soon arrived and the commemorative mass was attended by all his relatives, friends and neighbours.  They all attended the commemorative party afterwards.  The next day the young people came together which meant that the mourning had finished and they could enjoy themselves  even with a glass of ale.  This happened at every homestead:  when the year of mourning was completed, it was then possible to dance and to sing.

Our room was used for parties because it was big enough for dancing.

The teacher used to bring some work for my sister and  mother promised to let me attend secondary school but that depended a lot on Pauliuse. She was friendly with Jonas Baronas. He was a good man and wanted to marry Pauliuse. If he married her I would be allowed to continue my education..I was then 12 years old and coud not start in the first form. Starting age was 11 years. I had to be prepared privately for exams to start in the second form. In Martinoniai there was a very good teacher who promised to prepare me for the necessary examination. He taught my cousin Petras Kuliukas and my friend Alfonsas Đidlauskas. They both passed the exams. For me also everything was prepared - school uniform and lodgings in Kupiđkis. I don’t know even now what happened but either Pauliuse or Baronas started to mistrust me. They said that when I finish my education I will still demand my share of the father’s estate. I didn’t know what to do. I went to see my uncle but he also didn’t want or didn’t know how to help me. I started thinking that my life is at an end and decided to hang myself. It didn’t come off - the string was to weak and broke. I accused Pauliuse but later got to know that it wasn’t her fault. Baronas married her friend Marcinkevičiűte from Strođiűnai. After a couple of years  when I was a bit older I met him at the flour mill. He told me: -You don’t know what mistake I made by not marrying Pauliuse. He asked me to tell my sister nothing and he told me what sort of live he was leading: -I am like a slave. My wife and her mother always shout at me treating me like a hired labourer.

I wanted to tell him that it was a very good lesson for him.

Routine business and worries

In 1930 would have been 10years since we moved from Strođiűnai to Pilviđkiai. The tenants Vilkas and Markincevičius refused to the rent for the rented farm. Juozas Vaitkevičius helped us to find a solicitor who advised us to take them to court before the 10 year period is up. We went to the court in Kupiđkis but before the hearing the solicitor advised us to settle out of court. We did as advised and received 1500 litai settlement.

That summer I was tending to the grazing animals. It was my last shepherding year. We did all sorts of things. Even tried to smoke. Sometimes we managed to get some cigarettes and one used to go further away to see if the smoke can be seen. We were frightened that parents would get to know. I sometimes took some eggs from home and we took them to be exchanged for cigarettes.

About the same time Pukđtienës brother Einoris returned from America. Their house had no chimney (smoke used to go up the hole in the roof) so for some time he lived with us. He was not young but a pleasant man. He used to tell us stories how he worked in a car factory, polishing car components. From this work his hand shook and he had a special heavy spoon so he could control it better. When he had a drink his hands did not shake so badly.  He  complained that for some time he didn’t earn much and therefore he did not bring a lot of money back with him. He was not married and it seemed that he had a hard life in America.

At that time everybody admired young Strukinskas lads, saying that they were the best in the area. Jasius was tall and good looking, Petras - shorter but quiet man. Some said that they were “đlëktos” (Polish gentlemen). The girls took to Jasius like bees to honey but he, like most of them, liked a drink.  Sometimes he  got involved in  fights. There were fights in every village. Some groups of men fought the others.

Petrođkis was a good blacksmith. He could drink a lot. He had a group of strong men who could beat anybody. For the fights they would be prosecuted, not jailed but deported for a few months to the different parts of the country.

The surrounding area was being ameliorated. The river Pyvesa was being dredged. Men working there were up to their waist in water. They earned a lot of money and there were continuous fights.

The old villages were being divided into farms, so it was difficult to get farm labourers. In 1932 Pilviđkiai village was divided into farms. New farm buildings had to be built. The farmers had to demolish the old village farm buildings, cut down all the old trees. Only the fruit trees were allowed to be uprooted and taken to the new farmsteads. The old apple trees did not survive the uprooting and replanting. The government was supposed to pay for the old fruit trees that didn’t survive but very few received compensation. The farmers weren’t very happy.

When our village was divided into farms the land surveyor stayed at Vaitkevičius and there were rumours that he helped them to the best pick. When the village land was divided the farmers competed  for the best land, better place. The first farm was the smallest. Pranas Vaitkevičius took it. Juozas Vaitkevičius wanted the plot by the pine wood where there was less arable land but the others also wanted this plot. Strutinskas took 31 hectare plot. The largest plot was 35 hectares.

Mother wanted us to take the plot nearest to her mother’s land. We took the Paplintaukis.

From village to farms

When the Pilviđkiai village was divided into farms, everyone started building new farmsteads. First we dug a well because our farm was right in the middle of growing crops and that summer we could not do much. We could not prepare the land properly for the winter crop and the autumn was very wet.

We planned what and where we should build. The advisors were plentiful. We decided next spring first to build a barn, later the stables and a shed. In the village we still had a lot of buildings to demolish and in Strođiűnai we still had a barn and a corn storehouse which were nearly new and only needed to be brought over. The corn store had good timbers. We cut a lot of timbers into boards for which later I was very sorry. When we built our house we were short of these timbers. Later we had a lot of trouble to get some more timbers to finish the house.

In the spring we demolished the barns and other buildings and brought everything over to the new farm. Though the village building material was old we managed to build barns and stables. The 1933-1934 winter we spent living in the village while the animals were at the new farm. Jonas and Steponas Misiűnai from Vainiukiđkis built a very nice corn storehouse. We lived in it until our house was built. We did the cooking  outside where we had our temporary kitchen. Bread was baked at the village where we still had an oven. You may say that we spent that summer like gypsies. This year we managed to complete only one end of the house but it was quite large so there was enough room for all. Sometimes Pauliuse had three girls to learn sewing.

As usual during the winter months the young farmers used go round proposing to the girls, were looking for wives. Obviously the girls with biggest dowries had most proposals. Our Afemija had some proposals for the last couple years. At the end she also found herself a husband. He was Ramusis Gabrënas from Patrođkis village. He was 18 years older than Afemija but he had a nice farm and was a orderly man.

The people talked that she kept on choosing and in the end chose an old man. The others were saying that she liked his farm better than the man. So in January 1935 we had a big wedding. She had seven or eight bridesmaids. But, because only one end of the house was lived in, we we a bit short of space. We invited all the nearest relatives, neighbours and friends.

I was very upset because I was not allowed to be the best man because there wasn’t a bridesmaid for me. My bridesmaid had to be Valiusë Kalainaitë but their family did not attend the wedding. They didn’t like that Afemija was willing to help Ladziune Glemţaite  perform abortion. People were saying that Juozas Murolius had raped Ladziune and she became pregnant. He wanted to marry her but her grandmother was against it as he wasn’t much of a man. Ladziune asked Afemija to find a woman who could perform an abortion.

We made plenty of beer and food for the wedding. The house was full of people. To dance we went to the neighbour. The wedding took place at the Alizava church. After that we partied until midnight. On Monday we all went to Petrođiđkiai, to the bridegroom’s place and continued partying. There were still more people. We slept in the barn. On Tuesday evening we returned home. So this was Afemija’s wedding.

In 1935, after Afemija’s wedding, I took over the running of the farm, became a farmer. Earlier I wasn’t very keen and from beginning it  was very hard but Pauliuse helped me a lot and in the end I got used to it quite quickly.

Our plot didn’t have much arable land so we to labour to prepare some more. While we still lived at the old village we could not sort out our farm properly. Our fields where divided into three plots: resting land, winter crops and summer crops. Now we divided our fields into six plots, later I wanted eight. At present it was not possible to do so because the land further away from the old village was neglected, summer crops didn’t do very well. There was a lot of work until we managed to get the land into shape. We collected the big stones, chopped down old bushes, dug drainage ditches. The new laws required all the land to be properly drained. The surveyors told us where the ditches had to be dug and every farmer had to dig his own land - immaterial if it was helpful to him or not.           

Oh Youth how beautiful you are!

To tell the truth, the times were not happy for me, although I was 17 years’ old.  For my age I was not tall, and everyone thought of me as a shepherd boy.  I was not pleased, because my friends with whom I went to school, and others, younger ones, were fully grown men, and I still looked like a child.  The girls, particularly the younger ones, did not want to dance with me during the summer hops, or other dances.  It was so hard.

In those days when anyone died, the neighbors men would be asked to be gravediggers.  The grandmother of Misiűnas died and I was asked to dig her grave.  It was said that everyone had to dig a minimum of three graves, to be certain that he would not remain above ground.  When we were digging the grave one neighbour, several years younger than me, began sniping saying that a shepherd was a gravedigger.  Others egged me on saying am I not going to doing anything about these jibes.

- Give him one in the jaw - they egged me.

I ran closer - but he did not take notice of me.

- Come on, if you want a fight - he said.

And to this day I do not know whether I was afraid of him, or did not want to fight - I returned to my gravedigging.

Several more years slid by, and I grew up, and gradually accepted my life.

In 1937 Pauliusë completed her cutting and sewing course in Kaunas, and received a diploma.  This resulted in her having even more work, and always had a few girls learning the trade.  Pauliusë at the time was friendly with Alfonsas Đalkauskas.  He was in charge of the Juodiniř mill and sawmill, he was a gifted man, good mechanic.  If anyone’s thresher broke down, he repaired it.  There were no automobiles or motorcycle in the village.  It was good for anyone to have a bike.  In those days very few could even ride a bike.

For several years there was a draught.  Nearly all the ponds dried up, and it was difficult to dip the flax.  We laid them out in the fields, but the fibres were not so good, and we got less money for the linen.  Even in winter we had to carry the water for the animals from the pits.

After the summer work I found a specialist well digger who also laid the sides of the well with stone.  He advised drilling so as not to be short of water.  We drilled about half a metre and found sand, and water gushed out, so we dug to sand level.  It was evening so we had no time to line the well with stones.  We prepared everying for an early start next day.  When we arrived the next morning we saw that the well was full of water.   For  two nights and two days we emptied the water. For a  day and a night we lined the well with stones but the water rose.  It was a good well, and there was never any shortage of water.  All the neighbours took the water from our well.

At the time the regions farmers had established themselves in farms and lived quite well, although sometimes it took a few days whilst queuing at “Maistas” (Food) reception points before the pigs could be sold.

But we also enjoyed ourselves, often organised dances, evenings with plays and dances, parties.  It was a pity we could not go to every party, because it was a custom to have entertainment at one’s house.  Every year we organised on or two parties at home.

My weakness was that I used to get drunk very quickly, so often made a feel of myself.  I tried to drink as little as possible, but to no avail.  Neighbour Pakđtai organised for the first time a big party.  Not far from their farm, there was a dance organised and their relative taught me all sorts of dances.  Truth to tell, I was not that good a dancer, and used to practice in the barn with a pitchfork.  So the next day when their guests were leaving for home, I helped Ramusis to harness the horses for the leaving guests.  One guests hors was a little wild and I could not control it as it kicked high breaking the lightening cable near the house.  I came the next day and repaired the cable.  In this way I mended my wrong-doing.

In the region of Alizave there was established a self-help from fire society, and members were required to pay a fee.  There were few members at first.  If a house burnt down, the society would provide funds for rebuilding.  When the village was divided into farms, fires often occured mostly from lightening.  Lightening conductors were not cheap, so not many farmers had them, and those that did - this fire prevention device did not always work.  There was a big storm one night, with lightening criss-corssing the skies, and even the earth seemed to tremble from the thunder.  More than 20 fires could be seen in the area.  Not many helped to put the fires out as they were afraid to leave their own homes in case lightening struck.  After they everyone wanted to insure themselves and joined the Alizave fire prevention society.  The society and we had members from neighbouring counties.

Once Jasius Strunskis, Ramusis Pakđtas and I decided to make some ‘moonshine’.  We brewed about a hundredweight of malt.  Everything went well.  I took the barrel to the woods, but the lid did not fit and Jasius had to bring his own.  The evening came and it was too late to start distilling the ‘moonshine’.  We hid everything as best we could.  Early in the morning I sowed the rye in the fields and went to the wood to see if all the appatus was safe.  Apparently somebody had followed us the night before and had taken everything as soon as we had left.  So my first attempt at making ‘moonshine’ in the woods failed.

Me and Pranuse were of the same mind. Sometimes I also went to see Afemijŕ. Ramusis was very good to me. From beginning I could not understand why. Later I found out that he didn’t like women very much. He prefered men. Once he tried to pick me. I told him: ‘You are a married man, Afemija is a fine woman’. He told me that he will not touch her as he wants to make sure the baby is his.

By 1937 summer all the boards have dried. So we finished the other end of the house, the carpenters made a very nice room. We had a very big house warming party, probably the biggest we ever had.

The days rolling by the mashland

During the threshing time all the farmers made some very good beer. In those days threshing was done by big machines so there was a need for a lot of helpers. We used to manage to thresh one farm during a day. The people of Birţai knew how to make good beer so we very rarely run out of beer. There even was a saying: ‘Merga padvilë, apačioj skylë, kas pakarđtavos, tas padëkos’ (merga - beer glass, when you remove spigot - plug from the barrel there is a hole and who ever tastes always says thank you.)

Pauliuse and Alfonsas agreed to get married during Christmas. They wanted to have a big wedding. As I was saying Alfonsas worked as Juodiniai flour-mill and saw-mill manager. Jieţiauskai (the owners) promised to arrange a wedding because he worked for them for several years. Obviously, we weren’t going to be out done. They wanted the party to begin at their place on Monday. I did not agree. It would look as if they were marrying into their business. At the end they agreed that the first day we will be partying at our place and only the second day we will go to their place.

I found a good beer maker from Sabuliđkes - Balzas. We also wanted a good musician but Christmas were not far away and it was difficult to get one. The only one left for us was Kuliukas from Garbučiai.

So during the 1937 Pauliuse got married. The wedding was beautiful: the church full of people. Many bridesmaids and their partners. My bridesmaid was Pranutë. Pauliusë used to sing in the church. She was a chairperson of a catholic youth organization so people liked her. Alfonsas was not a catholic but the priest didn’t say anything.

After the wedding they moved in with us. Pauliusë carried on with sewing and Alfonsas worked in the flour-mill. They were planning to buy their own mill. Jieţiauskas knew his plan and wanted him to finish work as soon as possible. They did everything to make Alsonsas resign, so he would not be dismissed as it would have cost them more money. Alfonsas said that he will last couple more months.

1938 summer was very nice. In Alizava during the St.Anthony day used to be big church festival. We had a big open air dance party. We were also invited to a few parties ourselves. One of them was especial. Vindzë from Ginočiai who used to live near Rokiđkis got married to Ţeiţis. When Ginočiai farm was divided into separate plots she received her share of the land as a dowry. In 1938 this special party was to celebrate Ramutis Ginotis release from prison where he served 10 years for killing his father. He looked very nice and polite. He looked more like an office worker than a farmer. Nobody mentioned his past. Obviously he didn’t know us at all. After 10 years we all looked different - grown-up men and women. Later this year Bronë Pakđtaitë got married to Petras Misiűnas from Vainuniđkis. They had a big wedding too. Pranutë used to be friendly with Jasius Strutinskis. He just return from the army having done his military service and becoming lance-corporal. When he returned he liked a drink and many girl friends. Mother liked him very much and Pranutë, I believe, was in love with him.

One autumn day we saw people rushing past our house and some shouted: ‘Why don’t you go and help to put the fire out? The mill at Juodiniai is on fire.’ We lived not far from the wood so we could not see the smoke. When reach there the fire was out. The flour-mill and some outbuildings were gutted but the motors and the saw-mill still stood. Jieţiauskai accused Alfonsas of starting the fire. The police came down to our place but on that day when the fire started they were away to have a look at a flour-mill at Đimonis which later they bought. Later there were some rumours that the owners themselves started the fire as they receiver a lot of money from the government insurance.

We all went to see this mill at Đimonis. It was in a very poor condition. When the flour-mil worked all the building swayed. The only good thing was diesel motor “Ruson”. Sister’s husband Alfonsas said: ‘Don’t worry, I will repair it and will be different.” The saw-mill was in the similar condition. They decided to live there. I used to down often to help Alfonsas with repairs and to help in the saw-mill. Later we realized that the mill wasn’t in all that bad condition. Alfonsas was very good mechanic and done it up himself. People started bringing con to mill and timber and board to saw.

If I received call-up papers I am a man.

In spring of 1939 I received call-up papers to do my national service in Lithuanian army. Before, if there was only one man in the household, he was exempt from national service. Later the law was changed and men were allowed one month leave in every three months to do the farm work. I was hopping that I will not be suitable for army.

The work on the farm went very well that year. I had many worries until I paid my sisters’ dowries. Afenijas dowry - 3000 litas - was paid off and Pauliuses - 1.500 litas. When they bought the mill I had to borrow from the bank 500 litas. The debts now were paid off. I made an effort to ensure that next year, when I was in the army, everything would go as well. I was hopping to get a good farm labourer so I didn’t have to lease the farm on half-and-half bases.

In May 1939 I had to present myself to the recruiting commission in Vabalninkai.

The town was full of men, mostly drunk. The district office - recruiting point. The recruiting officer, distant relation Cloaks. I thought he was going to help me. He just asked me in what branch of the army I would like to serve.

  - Artillery or armoured detail, - I told him.

He put it all down. I was hopping to get what I asked for. After the medical I was told that I am fit for service.

I returned home. I had to enlist in the autumn. Since I was born in the first quarter of the year I only had to serve one summer. This summer flew like a dream. In the autumn - commotion, the army at an alert, Germany started war with Poland, all the horses and the carts mobilised, and all reservists call up. November was approaching. My call-up was suspended: I must wait. Later, at the end of December I was informed to report at Birţai commandantura.

I knew than that I will serve in the army for more than one summer and had to find a good farm labourer. At that time was very difficult to find farm labourer. We decided to lease our farm on half-and-half bases. That meant we had to sell two horses. A young mare we decided to keep. In the autumn I took our ten-year-old mare to the market to sell. It was pity to sell her. My father reared her. When I sold her I went to have a drink. It seems I had too much to drink because I could not remember how I got home. Mother asked me how much I got for the mare; I gave her my valet and went to bed. The next morning she told me that my valet was empty. It seemed that somebody robbed me. I had no mare and the money was gone.

In 1939 Lithuania regained Vilnius and the region.

In 1939 Germans and Russians beat the Poles. It was very unclear what was waiting in the morrow. All sorts of rumours were flying about but the press and the government said nothing. Later was announced that Russians were returning Vilnius and its region to Lithuania. There weren’t any clear indications of what the conditions were, but all the Lithuanians were overjoyed on getting back their capital. We read in the papers that people there were living very poorly and “Lietukis” and Pieno centras” started taking food to Vilnius and its region, while in Lithuania there were difficulties in getting diesel oil for thresh the corn. Alfonsas could not get enough fuel to run his mil and therefore decided to sell it. But there weren’t any buyers. He made an arrangement with the previous owner that he will take over the mill and Alfonsas will take the motor. It was decided to take the motor home. I organised a collective assistance as we wanted to bring everything home together. However, the winter in 1940 was very harsh and we the transportation had to be postpone. It is a pity that I had to join the army and don’t know what happened, but the motor was brought home.

Time flew by and I had to prepare the farewell party as the time approached to join the army. The same beer maker Balza brewed some beer. In our neighbourhood were a lot of new recruits so we decided to make the journey to the recruiting centre together. Afenijas husband Ramusis promised to take me. We were joined by Antanas Vaitekűnas and we promised to take also Đvelniukas.

We had many guests, all the relations and neighbours arrived. I tried to get drunk so I could forget everything but wasn’t very successful. The beer maker Balza cut my hair short and mother said: - ‘This will some sort of remembrance’.

She also wanted to bless me but I managed to avoid for what I was sorry all my life. However she managed to cross me and I said good-bye to everybody. I felt as I was saying good-bye foe ever. During the handshakes everybody pressed some money into my hand only Pauliuse didn’t. Later she saw that I collected  quiet a lot of money so she took a bit of me. She said I was going to waste it anyway. I collected one hundred and fifty litai. I finally said my last farewells, outside I embraced my horse, kissed him and started crying. I felt that wasn’t going to see it anymore.

We all sat in the sleigh. Ramusis took me to Birţai, Jasius and Napalis accompanied me up to Vainiűkiđkio where we pick-up Antanas Vaitiekűnas. He had a farewell party also. We stopped here for a bit and by the time we reached Đvelniukas he had departed already. Half way down the road we met the other recruits from our area. They also stopped at some wine making place. We joined them. Seems I had too much to drink as on reaching the Birţai I noticed that my fur coat had one coat tail ripped. Ramutis somewhere found a tailor who stitched it on again. In the town all the restaurants and pub were closed as the new recruits weren’t allowed to drink.

At the recruiting centre they started calling out names and told who is to join which detail. I was detailed to join the lst Infantry Grand Duke of Lithuania Gediminas regiment. In Vilnius. I shouted that I wanted to join the artillery regiment. Policeman asked me if I wanted the police to find that regiment for me.

Later I said good-bye to Ramusis and the others as they were detailed to other regiments.

So on 28th of February I finished my civilian life for unknown period. What the future will bring nobody knew.

Vilnius, the Holy city!

Most of the resident of Birţai were sent to Vilnius. A large part of the new recruits were from Điauliai, Radviliđkis and Kaunas. We reached Vilnius late on 1st of March. The station and the city were in darkness but we managed to reach the barracks all right. Our room was large. We spent the night as best as we could.

Early morning as soon as it was light I went outside. Through the mist I could see Gediminas hill and on top the red castle tower. I rushed back inside.

  - Men, the castle of Gediminas is nearby, - I shouted in a coarse voice.

We all rushed out into the barrack square. We shouted from excitement, some started crying. All shouted and nobody listened. We behaved like small children.

After a while a sergeant told used to fall in line in the yard with our belongings. He started calling our names. Nearly all were divided into companies but I still stood and waited. Finally my turn came. A lance corporal, not very tall, looked like hare, presented himself as the lst regiment of Grand Duke Gediminas first company’s platoon commander. In our group were over 30 recruits. He told us to take our belongings, to fall in line and from Đnipiđkes barracks marched us to Kosciuđka street barracks not far away from Gediminas hill and the castle.

barracks marched us to Kosčiuđka street barracks not far away from Gediminas Hill and the castle.

We climbed to the second floor. The barracks were large. One building housed an entire company. Downstairs - heavy machine-gun company. Our two platoons were housed in one room. There were four rows of bunk beds. Each one was allocated a bed, told to leave our belongings under the bed, take off winter clothes and go to the mess-room for a meal.

After lunch our hair was cut short and we were issued with uniforms. Now we became real soldiers. Dressed in uniforms we were taken to the public bath. When we returned it was already dark. After the evening roll call the sergeant major told us to sleep in the beds we were allocated earlier.

   - Tomorrow we divide you into platoons and sections, - he told us.

Whistle - time to bed. Soon  after the lights were put out and only stayed on in the corridor where the guards were.

The whistle woke us. Order to wash.  More sergeants and lance corporals appeared. All giving orders, rushing us to dress, to make the beds, to tidy up - that made us all sweat.

After the morning roll call we were led to the mess-room for breakfast. Later we were told to prepare for parade.

The sergeant major gave an  order: attention! Three officers entered one of them our company commander. He, with the other officers, inspected us, said something to one or two. Then the sergeant major ordered us to attention! All the officers left and the sergeant major took over. Sorted us in rows according to the height: tall ones to the right, small ones to the left. I was in the middle - number twenty-one, that meant I was in the second platoon, third section. My dream to be in the first regiment, first battalion, first company, first platoon was not fulfilled because I was only 1 m 68 cm.

The sergeant major introduced us to the platoon commanders. The first platoon commander was a tall sergeant. Our platoon commander was the sergeant, who as I mentioned before, resembled a hare but was a very good platoon commander. Our section leader was a lance corporal Popendikis and his assistant - private Đulcas. They were both from Klaipëda area from German extraction.

That’s how I started the life of a new recruit. It was not easy from the  beginning but later I got used to it. Very soon the three months of military training went by. On the May 15th we swore the allegiance to the State and not just somewhere else but on the Gediminas hill in the shadow of the castle. Later I stood here several times as the guard of honour.

There was good discipline in the company. The company commander was very stern. The older soldiers told us that to please him you had to be disciplined, not ask for pass out, do not request to go on holiday and be a good shot. He was a very good shot himself. I liked shooting. Once we had in the company shooting competition. I got the most points. The company commander told me: - You shoot well. I didn’t say anything. He repeated that again. I still didn’t say anything. A lance corporal standing nearby whispered to me: - Say ‘For the good of the country’, unless you want to be penalised.

So I shouted: ‘For the good of the country’.

After a while the Russian detail vacated Đnipiđkes barracks. Then the first battalion was moved in there. They were new, recently built by the Poles, single storey with a modern kitchen. Only we could not use it because the Red Army took all the equipment and what they could not they smashed up.

Dark clouds over East… Occupation

We didn’t stay for long in Đnipiđkes barracks. On 14th of June1940 we received an order to get ready for action and wait for further orders. We sat around till morning, some listening to the radio.

Our company commander gave an order to surrender all the ammunition and battle equipment: - The government of Lithuania surrendered to the Soviet ultimatum. Russians crossed the Lithuanian border and soon would be in Vilnius. Do not try to resist.

He could hardly hold back the tears.

All went quiet. Not a sound. The soldiers looked like stone figures. And only when the sergeant major ordered to surrender arms, people started moving. Most surrendered their arms with overflowing tears.

The 15th of June was very nice and warm day. Most of us climbed on the barrack roof so we could see further. After a while we could see Russian soldiers approaching our barracks. They looked very tired, hardly able to walk. They all sat down on the grass. Some were eating whatever they had, the others thirstily drunk water.  They stripped off even their undershirts.

We watched them all the while from the roof of our barracks. Later we came down and walked nearer to them. They smelt horrible. They were shaking their undershirts - seemed like they were killing lice. Others slept where they sat.

We were told not to approach any closer.

Second day we received an order to leave Đnipiđkes and return to the barracks on Kođciuđka Street where we were earlier. On the other side of the street was a large Polish prison. Earlier on, after engineers removed the bars, the prison was used to house 2nd and 3rd battalions and the new recruits were trained in the prison yard.

From beginning it looked as if everything would carry on as normal. However, as soon as political leaders emerged, discipline went overboard. Rumours were rife that all the officers are exploiters (buoţës), landowners, set against working people, they exploit soldiers, torture them. We were incited not to respect the officers. Officers understood what was happening because they were respected and, may be said they were loved. We were allowed to go into town without a pass. Just had to a get number tag, tell the guard and off we went. Now we had a better chance to know Vilnius and its historical sites. Many soldiers went on home leave without permits and later they suffered for that.

Members of my family wrote to the new minister for defence asking to release me home to see to some matters on the farm. The company commander gave me four days leave.

On the 27th of July I left by train and next day I was at home.

At home I was met in the back yard by my mother and sister. I did not realise how fast I had run to mother, kissed her hand and embraced her. I was so moved I could hardly speak. I don’t know how long we would have stood there if Pranutë have not invited me in.

The farm was leased on half-and-half basis (the lessee worked all the farm and gave half his harvest in lieu of rent) for, as without me there was nobody to work the farm.

I didn’t notice how fast those four days slipped by.

Monday morning I was back at the barracks and just in time. The guard told me that everything is changing: very stern discipline was introduced. It was forbidden to go freely into town and those late coming back were heavily penalised. Some older soldiers had been released home.

On Sunday we went out into town. We always would go to St. Johns (đv.Jono) church. There would be a lot of people, especially Lithuanians. The priest said beautiful sermons and after the Mass we sang National Anthem. The church rang with the sound as we all sang as one. There we could forget what was happening in the country. We still hoped that everything would turn out all right.

Even later the church used to be full of people and soldiers. At that time it was forbidden to sing the National Anthem. Probably that was the reason for even more people to come to the High Mass because there they still sang The National Anthem and patriotic songs.

The occupant’s fist hardens

The communist political leaders in the companies started organising communist meetings, demonstrations with placards. Established, as it was called, a red room.

Soon the food changed. Once they brought for dinner some very nice looking fried mincemeat balls. We all waited to be served but when we tasted them we found that they weren’t meat but fish balls and tasted awful. Not many ate them. The other time we were deceived by the gruel. We taught it was rice - so white and nice but it turned out is like sawdust tasting millet gruel.

Sometimes we used to get smoked fish. Once we took all the fish, stuck four matches in each as legs and put them in line like soldiers and sat at the tables not eating them. The political leader entered the mess-room, had a look and walk out. The clerk later told us that the political leader went into the office and told him to get out, as he couldn’t control his temper. Later interrogated to find out whose idea it was.

In September the first Company was sent to work in Vilnius airport. We billeted in  Kirtimai village with the farmers.

On Sundays we still used to go to St. John’s church. There were still a lot of people but not so many soldiers. The political leaders strictly forbade soldiers to go to church. So

After the mass we quickly dispersed but the political leaders kept watch on us.

There were few soldiers in the other companies from home. After one Mass Dauberis, Đvelnis, Đëlis and I went to a pub for a drink. We had a few and became merrier and more chatty. A civilian sat at our table and started talking. He spoke not bad Lithuanian and said he was from Vilnius. He puled out a wad of money and asked who wanted what to drink. He kept buying us drinks and cursed Russians asking us to sing patriotic songs. Not far from the door stood a few Russian officers. I noticed that they were watching us. The waitress passing by nudged me indicating that I should follow her. I thought that there is my chance to meet a nice girl but it wasn’t like that.

   - See those Russian officers, - said the waitress. - Outside there are some Russian soldiers and they have asked for reinforcements. Go outside through the back door one by one, only watch that the officers don’t notice too quickly.

I went in and told the men what’s happening. Our civilian friend asked who told me. I said, let’s go outside and I will tell you.

So one by one we left the bar and through the fence managed to get to the next street.

We watched from further away as a Russian army wagon arrived and soldiers surrounded the bar. If caught we would have been heavily penalised as none of us had a permit to be in town. Fortunately everything finished all right. I had no more chance to visit that bar to thank the gallant waitress for helping to avoid prison sentence.

In November our company was sent to Panevëţys for work to build Pajuostis airfield. The Lithuanian barracks were occupied by the Russians. We were allocated one room where beds had just wooden boards. The airfield was not very big and large Russian planes used to turn over on landing.

We had to cut the trees and pull the stumps. We had to work with axes and spades without any mechanical help. The Russians were widening the airfield.

My home was not far away from Panevëţys. I received a letter that “my mother was sick”. With it I went to see the company commander who gave me two days leave. Again I had couple happy days at home.

On returning I was told that the political leader was angry why he wasn’t told about my leave.

In the airfield we worked until Christmas. On 24th of December we left by a train by way of Kupiđkis, Rokiđkis, Daugpilis to Vilnius. Christmas was spent in the train. We returned to the barracks to find nothing changed…

What the New - 1941 Year will bring

The New Year started with sterner discipline and still poorer food.

In the beginning of February we were told by the company commander that there would be divisional exercises.

   - The first company will represent our regiment. We will have to prepare two battle ready sections: one for attack and one for defence: - I want volunteers who think they will be good group leaders. Hands up. The first to volunteer was an able private who had lost his sergeant’s rank (don’t remember his name), and second lance corporal Popendikis.

A few days after the exercise, our company commander told us that we had won first and second places.

He read the regiment commanders order.

   - The first place was won by the attacking group. The able private will get back his sergeants rank and Juozas Cloaks, as he has not done his leadership training, commendation. The defence section took the second place and its leader Popendikis and his assistant Đulcas received commendation.

In the middle of February 1941 some officers and soldiers were being arrested and later some released into reserve. On February the 15th first company, third platoon commander lance corporal Popendikis and his assistant private Đulcas were arrested. Both were residents of the region of Klaipëda. Apparently they wanted to immigrate to Germany but were refused permission. They went to see the German ambassador and asked for help. It seemed that they didn’t get any help because the same day they were called to the regiment headquarters and we never saw them again.

At the young leaders school

The company was called to assemble in the hall and the political leader told us that he is short of two candidates for young leaders course.

   - I need two volunteers. Raise hands those who want to join.

Only one not very clever a fourth platoon soldier raised his hand. The political leader repeated his request again and again the same soldier raised his hand. The political leader wasn’t very pleased.

   - I am going to the office and until I come back I want you to think again, - warned the red ideologist.

When he returned there were no volunteers. Then he told me that I have to go on this young leaders course.

   - You won the regiment’s prize so you must go on this course.

I told him that I did not want to go because those finishing this course had to serve one extra year in the army.

   - My mother is old and there is nobody to look after her.

The political leader didn’t say anything and left.

Soon I was called to the office.

   - Ask around and find somebody wants to go in your place, - I was told by the political leader.

I asked around in the company if anybody wanted to go on this course but could not find anybody. The political leader told me: - You are not a real soldier if you do not want to be a general. In the army a soldier must obey orders

So that’s how I came to be on the young leaders course.

We reported to the training school office across the street.  This used to be a Polish prison.

The company leader informed us that we are detailed to the second platoon. The clerk took us to the barracks second floor. Here introduced himself to us a sergeant. He said "I am the second platoon fourth section leader." He showed me my bed.

That’s how I started young leaders (sergeants’) course.

Whistle. Company to fall in. The sergeant major’s order: ‘Attention’. Then entered - company commander, political leader and three other officers. The sergeant major reported to the company commander that all company is present. Who in turn introduced to us the new company’s  commander gen. staff major Juozas platoon commanders: first platoon - tall lieutenant (his name I cannot remember, second - lieutenant Jonas Juđkaitis Navickas, the political leader Russian, and third - mortar and heavy machine gun lieutenant Balis Raugas). The political leader’s assistant later was arrested: for being 15 minutes late to report back to the company, was sentenced to 15 years in the concentration camp. He was replaced by a Russian from Kaunas, who, we found out later, was not a communist.

At the training centre nobody paid much attention to us. It looked as though we were going to stay here forever. We were training tactical fighting. Once during the exercises I was walking in the snow and felt something pierce and injure my foot. After the exercise I removed my boot - sock was full of blood. The orderly started dressing my foot. The company commander saw it and asked what happened. It was explained to him.

   - When we return from the exercise he must immediately  be taken to the military hospital. Everything is rusty, he may get blood poisoning.

Soon after we returned, a horse drawn carriage arrived and I was told to take whatever I needed as most likely I will be staying in hospital. The doctors in the military hospital were Russians. The hospital was full of patients. Some were sitting in the corridor, some lying down. Somebody said that there was an explosion somewhere and a lot of them were burned.

Until my turn came I had to wait a long time. Russian doctor examined me, the first aid man dressed it and I was told to come back day after tomorrow. We got back quite late. The next morning I was taken to hospital again. The same doctor had a look at my leg, which didn’t look too good, it was swollen. He told me to come back after couple weeks: - Meanwhile the regiment orderly will change your dressings. I was given a walking stick but told not to walk too much. Our own doctor-captain had a look at my leg and asked me:

  - Which doctor is treating me?

The orderly gave a letter from the hospital

  - I don’t understand how these Russians can do that to their own soldiers.

I was ordered to the hospital and stayed for some time. They gave me some medicine and after a while got better.

In April the weather was very warm and nice. The exercises were not very hard. We all waited for the examinations.

One day as always we were at the tactical fighting exercise. Two officers came from headquarters to see how the young leaders were being trained. The platoon commander reported to them. He was told to get three best and three worst trained soldiers. He selected two threes. I got into the three worst. The officers then interrogated us one by one. Later one of the officers said:

    - If your best are same as the worst then they are well trained.

One officer asked me if I was at divisional exercises.

I said: - Yes, comrade.

Later the platoon leader asked me what does that mean. I explained to him that I won a commendation. From then on he never thought I was one of the worst.

We are moved to Pabrade manoeuvre grounds. You could smell the smoke of war. War.

At the end of May our regiment was transferred to Pabradë summer manoeuvre grounds. We stopped in the pine forest next to Ţeimenos river. We pitched up a large tent where we could get in all the platoon. The river was so close we used to wash in it. On the other side of the river was based a Russian artillery regiment.

It was in midsummer. Nobody knew when we will have to take the new leaders’ examination. At the moment we were doing all sorts of different exercises.

The mood in the company and the regiment was very low. Rumours were going round that during the night  officers, sergeant and soldiers were disappearing. A black car used to come and take them away nobody knew where. Platoon commander used to inform us of what was happening in the regiment but only those he trusted. Sometimes he used to mention  our staff sergeant who had a radio that was strictly forbidden to listen to.

On Sunday, 22nd of June, as always, the early morning bugle sounded: time to get up. All the soldiers ran out of the tents to the river for the morning wash. I stayed to tidy up the tent. The platoon commander walked in and straight away I understood that he wanted to tell me something good.

   - You know, - he said, - the war has started. Germans crossed the border in few places, bombed Kaunas and Vilnius airports, and the railway station. We have to trust God that everything finishes well. He told me not to tell anybody as in the regiment very few knew about it.

Shortly the bugle sounded again. We had to assemble at the place were we used to have meetings. - in the pine forest, close to our tent. To address us came our colonel and the commissar. As always the latter attacked the English imperialists, praised the German national socialists. At the end he told us that some new soldiers have come from the friendly republics and we will have to put up some tents for them. We dispersed to obey the order.

When we finished work another meeting was called. Again the commissar addressed us. Again praised Hitler and cursed Churchill and the likes of him. Thanked the company for putting up these tents so fast. After the meeting the platoon commander told me:

   - Most likely he knows that the war has started but hasn’t been to told to tell the regiment.

Not long after that we heard the bugle again. This time to the meeting came more officers and political leaders. The colonel and the commissar stepped on a platform. The commissar didn’t praise Hitler anymore but informed us that ‘the villains Germans started the war.’ He cursed Hitler and said that the Red Army repelled enemy army, liberated Klaipëda and other towns. Our colonel told us to get ready for war action. Issued three-day food rations.

We assembled by our tents. The platoon leader told us that the company commander  gen. staff major J.Navikas will do everything possible to stop us being mixed up with Russians because they don’t care much about their soldiers.

It must have been near midnight when we were told to leave camp. We passed the railway line and stopped after  a couple of kilometres. Our training company was detailed to guard regiment headquarters. We took the positions at the edge of the forest. We dug in, positioned the machine-guns however we had very little ammunition. At the daybreak we heard planes roaring overhead.

The political leader said: - Nađi! (‘our’). At the same time we heard exploding bombs: The Germans bombed our camp we left and the railway station.

Retreating to nowhere…

In the evening the company assembled, was on full alert and started marching through the wood. On the edge of the forest we dug in again. Didn’t have to wait long: on horseback came the company commander and the political leader. They were arguing about something. Not long after that colonel appeared with the commissar. He started shouting at the company commander and the political leader why the company is not retreating.

   - The regiment is already marching towards Đvenčionis. The training company should be at the front not sitting here.

We had to march fast through the wood, the sand dunes so we could overtake the regiment. That wasn’t easy. By the time we reached Đvenčionis we were very tired: it was the second night without sleep. It was daybreak before we managed to overtake the regiment.

The section leader and the others came back from the meeting at the staff headquarters. They told that there were about 10 men. The political leader told them to leave all the weapons because we will not need them anymore. Section leader and the others refused to part with their weapons pointing out that: - What is going to happen if the German paratroopers attack. We will not be able to defend ourselves.

The political leader did nor say anything and just walked away. He didn’t show up again. They were left on their own and didn’t know what to do: some suggested disappearing into the wood, the others said - go with the regiment. Only later it became clear that if they had surrendered their weapons the political leader would have shot them. The platoon leader warned:

   - If you hear German planes and they start bombing, jump over the ditch and disappear into the wood.

The planes though did not come anymore. Rumours were going round that the German planes would not bomb Lithuanian soldiers.

We were all very tired. Some couldn’t walk anymore. We were told later that those who stopped behind the KGB police shot dead.

We reached Đvenčionis about midday. We stopped behind the town in the wood. Our company settled at the edge of the wood. We were so tired that nobody even talked about food. Just laid down and slept.

After a while came the platoon and section leaders and took us three to one side.

- The company leader gen. staff major Navikas is taking over the regiment and we will march back to Vilnius. You will have to see that nobody interferes at the change over. Wait for further orders.

The battalion leader captain Balčiűnas did not agree. He wanted to lead the regiment but the others did not.

After some time the section leader returned: - The company commander ordered to post a guard outside the wood. You will be in charge Kuliukas!

I returned to the wood where the soldiers were resting. Not one soldier there. I got hot under the collar. Everything scattered about - rucksacks, trench coats and all other military paraphernalia. Even the guns and light machine-guns were left behind. Obviously everything had to be left in a hurry.

I looked around. I saw in the wood the platoon commander with the section leader, a bit further company commander gen. staff major Navikas. The third machine-gun and mortar platoon commander lieutenant B. Raugas. I was going to call out but heard behind me approaching horses. I looked - the company’s political leader with interpreter Petrovas.  The first one pointed his handgun at me and asked what I was doing here. I lied that I posted a guard and came to see what they were doing. Petrovas translated. The political leader was very upset and started shouting at me. The interpreter told me to call off the guard and go to the regiment line-up.

The last days of the regiment

The political leader keeping the interpreter between him and myself and pointing his gun at both of us took us both to where the regiment was. There were some more soldiers but they didn’t look as if they were Lithuanians.

There was nothing else for me to do but return to my men. It wasn’t clear what to do next. All sorts of thoughts crossed my mind. We discussed what to do: there is no way out, I had to return to the line-up because I saw at the edge of the wood Russian soldiers lying down with their guns pointing at us.

We returned to the wood. The political leader was waiting for us. He took us to the clearing in the wood were all the regiment was lined-up. We found very few soldiers. From our teaching company out of 120 were only about 30, the third platoon leader, not one section leader or officer.

I realised then that the mistake I made - I should have disappeared with them. Soon we were told to march. We left the wood - on both side of the road were cornfields. The remains of the teaching company marched the end of the column. Passing by on horseback adjutant of the regiment Adolfas Zuba said: - Bad, men!

The German planes dropped some bombs further away, opened fire. Some men managed to escape. Some dropped their light machine-guns in the ditch when nobody was looking. We all felt really very tired. After couple of kilometers we got into another wood. Rest. The political leader ordered to set-up camp in the clearing of the wood so he could see everybody. At last we thought we would get some rest because we were three nights without sleep. No such luck. We heard some single shots then later machine-gun fire. Then artillery shots started exploding all around us. The political leader shouted that they were saboteurs and urged us to get out of the wood. As we got out we saw an empty field. The political leader told us to dig in behind the hill as the saboteurs could attack from the wood. Not long after that a large group of men emerged from the wood. They told us that there were no saboteurs.

A good friend of mine told me what really happened: The adjutant of the regiment shouted to the men: - Brother Lithuanians, enough of slavery to the Russians!

The soldiers responded thinking it was a signal to rebel. The captain killed several political leaders, KGB (NKVD) political soldiers. He was joined by large a group of men and started shooting Russians. However the Reds had superior guns and there were a lot more of them, they followed our men who had only shotguns, surrounded them and killed them. The others saw the captain’s and the others bodies being repeatedly stabbed by KBB soldiers.

We marched all night without sleep or rest. It seemed that the political leaders were everywhere urging us to go faster. You could go to sleep while walking until we fell. We approached a wood and could see a tank and truck column, more like the remains of it. Marched again. The political leader told us to give up all the ammunition. We went to war without it…

The political leader came on horseback with his interpreter and said that we are marching in the wrong direction. We had to march to the north yet we were marching to the northwest. At the same time a lieutenant approached us on the horseback.

   - This is the new regiment adjutant, - said the interpreter.

The lieutenant got off his horse, jumped over the ditch and observed how our column was turning back. We stood on the other side of the transport wagons. Our political leader, stinking of sweat, stood next to me and slowly pulled his handgun out of its holster. I thought he was going to shoot me but he raised his gun and fired two shots at the regiment adjutant killing him. Nobody dared move to see if he needed any help. He put his gun back in the holster and stood as if nothing happened, motionless watching the blackened soldiers passing by. We understood then what was awaiting us…

It’s the fourth day of marching; it is Wednesday, June 25th. The food, distributed to last three days, has run out. Very hot, no water. We drank dirty water from the ditches. Most of the soldiers got diaorrhoea. We stopped in a village by a dried up little brook. I had a bellyache. I jumped over the brook, undone my trousers, prepared for everything…On the other side I saw a Russian, probably KGB soldier. He was only a few yards away watching me, to see if I was trying to run away. When I relieved my stomach and not very pleasant smell reached his nose, he started swearing. I thought he was going to shoot me. If it was our political leader I am sure he would have killed me.

Later we marched during the day and rested during the night. The Germans did not bomb us.  Every morning as we marched, beside a ditch alongside us, there was a line of Lithuanian soldiers’ corpses who had tried to escape during the night.  On several occasions I saw several of our men who had been shot. 

We arrived at a crossroads in a wood.  Here we saw disbanded artillery items.  Close to the road lay dead two artillery soldiers:  one had a Lithuanian captain ‘s  badge, the other’s rank could not be seen.

We marched through Polock.  Later we marched during the night.  One morning we stopped to rest.  The place was obviously once a beautiful center of a large estate.  A small brook babbled in the valley and a road wound up the hill, and further along some huge gates now broken upon which hung a notice board with the name of a collective farm.

The political leader and Petrovas rode to the collective farm.  They returned after a while seeming very pleased:  they had a sack each from which they drew a Dutch cheese and bread. Everyone shared the food.  I told the political leader that this type of cheese could not be found in Lithuania.  Petrovas asked his leader if this was the collective farm talked of in the political lessons.  His leader confirmed that it was.

- So how do the poor farms look, if this place is wrecked?  The cows are lean.  The goats look better in Lithuania - said a surprised interpreter Petrovas.

The political leader reddened put his hand to his holster, but did not do anything.

- Poidom - (Let’s go) - he said to Petrovas and, mounting their horses, they rode away.

We never saw Petrovas again.  We know what fate had befallen him.  A pity, as he was not trusted by any of us.  He once wanted to say something to me, but held back.  My name was not yet in the black book.  I then understood why I was not called with the others to join the regiment leaders.  It appears he hated the communists the same as we did.

We marched to the East.  It rained heavily in the night, and we were wet through.  We stopped in a wood. The political leader stopped some wagons returning from the Front and we rode into a town where we found some Lithuanian solders from another ‘regiment’.

That is how finally the 1st infantrymen Grand Duke Gediminas regiment was destroyed, together with its training company.

Prepare for fight

The political leader through his new interpreter explained to us that we will receive Russian uniforms and arms. By the road in the forest - large heap of guns, machine-guns and heavy machine-guns. Here we had to leave our arms as well. We thought that we had come to end of the road…We were issued with Russian arms and had to learn how to use them.

Far away we could hear artillery and bomb explosions. At night, towards Nevel could be seen glare of fires. The first and second battalions were sent to the front line to defend Nevel on the same day, the third was left in readiness. The returning men said that one battalion contacted the Germans and surrendered, the other was very badly beaten.

The third battalion and the teaching company were reformed into regiment battalions. I was in the sixth company. Before separating we made a promise that after ten years, if we stay alive, we shall meet in Kaunas by the Unknown Soldiers monument. I do not know if anybody did get there. So that’s how “the teaching company” finished its days. We said good-bye, exchanged addresses and went to our own companies.

In the tent at the table sat one civilian and a few military men. They made a list of the future company’s soldiers. I told them that I was from the teaching company but had no rank. I, Đlekas from Rokiđkis, Obeliai, a Pole from Suvalkija and a fourth (his name his name escapes me) were in the sixth company.

In this company were very few Lithuanians. Soldiers and officers - Russians. Most of the recently mobilised men had no uniforms or arms. Many soldiers escaping from Germans threw their guns away, some still had uniforms. Our company commander - medical assistant Vasiljev (after the war I met him couple times in England, Manchester: by then he had a doctors degree.)

Everything disorganised. We retreated away from the front at night. We were very tired, hungry, without sleep. At every rest stop we dropped off to sleep like dead. The political leaders run about, shouted and urged us to march.

We were retreating now for couple days. Near Toropec the third battalion was sent to the front line. The platoon leader and the other Russians, having heard that we are from Lithuania and lived not far from Germany, kept asking us if the Germans going to win the war, how do they treat prisoners of war, what sort of people they are. We all wished that the Germans beat the communists. Many said they would join Germans in a fight against Stalin.

Lithuanians are unreliable

Near Toropec-Astađkov all Lithuanian soldiers from Lithuanian 29th territorial rifleman corps were separated and disarmed. We were taken to another place were there were more Lithuanians from other units, artillery regiment soldiers. There were about 500 Lithuanians. We were transported to Astađkov and taken by boat to an empty village with only a few civilians. At later date we found out that we were under their supervision.

The next day they brought some Ukrainians and Bielorussians whom before the war lived in Poland. It seemed that the Red Army didn’t thrust us. Commissars divided us into companies, issued spades and picks. Formed a labour battalion and ordered to dig anti-tank ditches. When we finished these, we cut some trees and made machine-gun and artillery pits.

From Astađkov we were transported by train to Kalinin. We were fed. During the meal we heard piped Lithuanian music and then A. Snieckus started speaking. He urged to work well so the Germans could be beaten quicker and Lithuania liberated.

We were divided into groups and worked in suburbs.

We were billeted in the collective farm run by a teacher. She was very pleasant woman, hated Stalin and was waiting for Germans to come. She told us that her brother was fighting on he Finnish front. She was informed that he has disappeared without trace but her relation, who was a guard in the Novaja Zemlia camp, said he saw her brother in there. Apparently, no one, who was captured by Finns, was released from captivity home, but sent straight to the camps.

The Germans put some more pressure on the Russians. We dug some trenches for the soldiers. When the Germans got nearer we were being driven back and had to make some more reinforcements.

While our battalion was working in the Kalinin area two Bielorussians absconded. After two weeks we were informed that they were captured. There was an open court-martial and they were sentenced to death. After lunch our battalion was taken to side of a wood. We were lined-up in a triangle. We saw at the edge of the wood two escapees digging their own graves. The commissar urged them to dig faster. It was just after a snowfall so we could see how the earth was being thrown out. Finally the commissar told to stop and stand at the edge of the hole. The political leader read out the sentence and ordered: ‘fire’. We could hear the shooting but the poor souls still stood. It seemed, that the firing squad were aiming at them. The KGB soldier jumped forward and from his handgun fired few shots.

We were very depressed. It was not the first time we seen soldiers being shot dead but not like these two men.

We were sent to build a defence line by the Volga-Moscow canal. We started building defence line between Kalinin and Moscow because the Germans weren’t far from Russian capital. We saw every night German planes and artillery bombarding Moscow.

Cold winter by Moskow

The winter was horribly cold. Most of the men had their feed frost bitten. My toes had some wounds, the nails fell off, and you could see the fingertips. Until the frost bitten men numbers were small they were excused from work, but when most of them were frost bitten, they were forced to go to work. The political leaders didn’t worry about our wounds. Sometimes we could not even get bandages for them. We had to work immaterial what our wound looked like. I couldn’t put my boots on. I cut an anorak sleeves off used them as boots. The wounds were very painful in the morning when they started freezing. You could not stamp them, as it was unbearably painful. Later when they froze the pain disappeared but later on after few hours, when I went to bed I had to bear indescribable pain. One Jewish soldier had his feet so frozen he had hardly any skin left on them. He used to scream like an animal. He was shouted at by the political leaders that he was faking.

When we worked in a forest, we used to build a big fire and could take our under shirts off. We used to hang them close to the fire and then shake them. The snow around used to get black from the fallen lice. We had so many of them that the shirts used to move on the shoulders.

We marched again to Kalinin. We reached the town late at night. Slept wherever we could. Early morning after very small breakfast were ordered to start building defence line. After a battle the Germans were pushed some way back. Walking through devastated the town we didn’t see many destroyed German tanks or lorries only three dead German soldiers. They still had their trench coats on. Later when we returned in the evening the coats were missing. Next morning going to work we saw that one of the dead soldiers had his foot cut off, somebody probably couldn’t get his boot off.

Back to Astađkov we were transported during the day. Not far from the road we saw hundreds of German tanks and military vehicles stood nicely in lines. They were not damaged - the motors froze: by the end of December and beginning of January there were from 45 to 50 degrees of frost. Besides - large heaps of ammunition and missiles.

Stage to 16th

One morning we received an order to transfer to another place and start digging snow. We stopped at some school. Along came the political leader and an officer. We were lined-up. Lithuanians were separated and Lithuanian Jews taking to another room. We were told that there is being organised Lithuanian 16th Riflemen division. And we will have to march to Astađkov and from there by train to Gorky area, where the division will be based. We were all searched. I was searched by the political leaders himself. He was very thorough. I was frightened that he may find my notebook where every day I used to write my dairy. I had a lot of underwear and soap for which I had exchanged my tobacco rations. He confiscated everything even a hair-cutting machine. He reassured me all of it is military goods - although I explained to him that all that I brought from home. Everything to no avail. He left me and walled away. He didn’t find my notebook.

On 16th of February 1942 I finished my duties with Soviet Army labour battalion. I don’t know why they separated Lithuanians and left Lithuanian Jews. Nobody knows what happened to them.

We were issued three days rations. We had an order to be in Astađkov on 18th of February. There weren’t any closed ranks or any leaders. We marched as we wished. We were always four: Antanas Đlekas. The Pole, the third’s name I can’t remember and i. To Astđkov 20 kilometres. We decided to walk the first day as far as we can.

It was a real pleasure to be without any political leaders. We didn’t know what the future held. Didn’t think about as we were very tired and week.

The second we stopped at some house. In the morning we saw that one of us was still sleeping. We shook him. Dead. We laid him on his back. Saw that lice are coming out of his collar, his sleeves. Probably some hundreds of thousands. Most likely, when like blood is cold they don’t like it, unpleasant and they leave. I know that this youth was from Kalipëda area.

When we reach the town most of the others were at railway station. Presumably the others were working in different areas. Amongst them were some Lithuanian officers and political leaders. Most likely from the divisional headquarters. They had all the list and checked our names. We informed them about the soldier that died last night. They said it will be sorted out. Not far away stood some cattle trucks. At both ends of the trucks were bunk beds and in the middle iron stoves and large amount of logs. We were allocated trucks and issued with three days rations.

In Balachna

Not long after our train moved off. After long, nearly 15 days journey, we left the train near Balachna. The next day we were regrouped in to regiments. I was interviewed by a Lithuanian artillery officer. Said he was from Kupiđkis, name sounded like Juodelis. The four of us were assigned to the 249th Rifle Regiment that was based at Gorodec.

I was in the anti-tank rifle company (PTR). I was asked if I wanted to join the teaching company but I declined. My friend A.Đlekas put his name down. From beginning I was excused from line-up because I could not put my boots on. Every day I had to go the first aid post for redressing. At that time I was mostly in the room with civilian (who seemed then a pleasant person by name of Genrikas Zimanas. He said very little about himself but wanted to know everything about me. He was not detailed yet to a regiment. Once he came into the room with the political leader uniform and said:

  - I have got a placing at the regiment’s headquarters. I wish you to get better soon. You have to finish the teaching course. All the best!..

The company received six horses and they needed three drivers. I offered to be one. These horses looked like asses: so thin that the bones were visible through the skin. When the wind blew harder they fell down and had to be helped up.

The company leaders were changed couple times. At first we had lieutenant Lithuanian. It did look as if he was a communist. Later Bielorussian lieutenant by the name of Parđas (transl. Swine). He was very cruel - real Swine. Still better we received the political leader a Lithuanian, as he called himself, a lowlander from Scotland (can recall his name). He was sent from England to Archangels to fight communist which he later joined. He fought against the ‘whites’ and helped to destroy the Russian exploiters.

The company was formed from three platoons. In the first and second platoons were Lithuanians and Lithuanian Jews, in the third - Russians and other nationality soldiers. I was in the second platoon. The platoon commander was sergeant Valiukas, good man. He, the first platoon commander and staff sergeant together with their families withdrew from Vilkaviđkis. Our platoon leader often told us that they were KGB soldiers. The staff sergeants wife had a rank of orderly lieutenant. When the Soviets occupied Lithuania they were employed catching high-ranking Lithuanian official trying to escape across the border to Germany.

After a while the horses looked much better then the other companies’, however my mare died. I had a lot of problems with her. I was call to the headquarters where I met my room ‘mate’, now a political leader who interrogated me about the dead mare. After some time decided that it was not my fault. I was replaced by another driver. The regiment received more horses but they were put in quarantine and the company commander put me in charge of them.

The division is thrown into Oriol front

At the end of August - beginning of September the 249th regiment was transferred to the south of Tula. We established ourselves in the wood and dug in. A new company commander, a Lithuanian from Radviliđkis and a new political leader - a very stern Russian. were appointed. He invited to his office one by one and asked about the others: what is their mood, what are talking about and similar. It was necessary to go to his office every week. He told me that we always say things about leaders, never about soldiers. Once a little Jew, very fine fellow, smaller than me, told me that he refused to answer any more of his questions. Since that time we became, you may say good friend, although from beginning I didn’t thrust him. We all didn’t thrust each other any more.

At the beginning of November we were moved to Tula. Here we had still sterner discipline, various exercises, we were being prepared for front line.

About at the end of December we were officially informed that the division will be sent to the front line. At that time food, as always was very poor: bread and potatoes Russian but meat, mostly tinned, from Argentine and other countries.

Just before going to the front line the soldiers and officers were promoted to higher ranks. We didn’t have much time to pin these promotions to uniforms.

At the end of December, during Christmas the division was sent to the front line.

We left Tula late at night. The weather was bad; it was snowing and freezing.

The transportation was behind; we were getting food only seldom. The soldiers were very tired. Going through the snow you sometimes slipped, fell down and went to sleep straight away. If nobody woke you would freeze to death. In our company nobody froze because we kept an eye on each other.

Later we stopped for a longer time at the collective farm. We had an order that each company had to send some men to the wood to cut some logs and deliver them to the railway station. We had to chop some logs so it would be enough for couple weeks. After a while all the men were called back and we started to march again towards the front. We stopped at a previously had been a large manor. We could see the building foundations; marble laid paths, large cellars. Here were establish regiments headquarters but we were sent to the wood to very well made dugouts. Inside were bunk beds with built in stove. When we were here the sergeant major took me to ride to the warehouses to bring something for the company. Here I met divisional driver who gave me to read secretly published paper. There were all sorts of different news, not only what was happening in our division, but around the world. It said why the division was sent close to the Turkish - Persian border and that the Americans didn’t want Ballets to be sent to the front lines etc.

I met him once more before the division was sent to the front line. He told me that there will be no more of these fliers as they were printed in the divisional headquarters supply section, called ‘Sniečkaus brolis’. ‘Sniečkaus brolis’ (brother of Sniečkus”) was a secret underground group. I heard later that most of its members were arrested and shot.

One morning came the jolly political leader, the Scotland’s lowlander and distributed to everyone leaflets.

  - Read how the Germans were beaten at Stalingrad. Entire German 6th Army with its leader von Paulius surrendered. Soon the war will be over and we will get back to Lithuania. Our division is well prepared for fight in the front. We will give them some fire…

After couple days we left for the front. The weather was very poor. The snow was drifting so badly you could only see couple steps in front. All day we couldn’t manage to get very far. The soldiers were very tired, hungry and could hardly drag one foot after another. Late at night we stopped in a field, in ready dug out trenches. We all knew that the front line is not very far away. As the weather was so bad we could march during the day. Finally by the evening of the next day we approached the front.

Preparing to attack

On reaching the front we felt uneasy. Nobody talked anymore. Company commander and the political leader told us that the regiment colonel ordered that we had to replace the present front line soldiers. Promised to get some food, as we had nothing to eat for two days.

It wasn’t quite dark when we saw some soldiers walking back in the field. They didn’t look as if they were soldiers - unshaven, tired, dirty. It seemed that must have been on the front line for some time. We asked them how is it in the front, where are the Germans. The just replied:

  - You will see soon.

We had to take over the front line before dawn. Our platoon commander, young officer didn’t really know what to do, where were the positions. Probably nobody really new where the font line positions were? We dug in the snow so it wouldn’t be so cold.

Early morning the platoon commander received an order:   - The platoon to do reconnaissance.

We got dressed in white overalls. The weather was atrocious: it snowed, the wind was blowing snow about. It was impossible to see anything in front.

It seemed we have gone quite a long way. We saw a soldier, which run across from one place to another - it was a German soldier. Shooting started from machine-guns but not very fierce, probably didn’t want to show their real positions. The platoon commander order us to retreat. We crawled back through the fog for approximately one kilometre. It was dark.

The platoon commander most likely had gone into the village. We all supposed to have gone to the village to report back and to get some food. We were all tired and didn’t want to carry heavy anti-tank guns and ammunition. We knew that tomorrow we will have to come back here to start the attack.

The platoon leader suggested to leave the guns and ammunition here.

  - We need a guard. Who wants to volunteer and stop here? - he asked.

We looked at each other but nobody wanted to volunteer. Then I said : - I will stop.

There was a lot of snow. We dug a deep hole, put the ammunition in first then the guns and masked it all well. We left enough room for me. I got into the hole and laid down. It was snowing hard and after couple minutes our hole was well covered.

To tell the truth I am no hero, but I was so tired that I resigned to it all and just wanted to get some rest. Also I thought that the Germans may come and take me prisoner of war. When I laid down it became so pleasant and warm. I didn’t know how I dropped off. My lice probably were also tired because the left me in peace. I slept like a log. Even if German overrun my hole I wouldn’t have awoken.

In the morning the platoon commander found me and told me to go to Panskaya town.

  - You could warm yourself by the fire, he told me.

By midday the division had to start the attack. On the way to a collective farm I passed a lot of young soldiers going towards the front. I found the collective farm where the company commander and the sergeant sat by the fire too.  The cook gave me some very nice soup and a tin of meat. The political leader came in and announced that: 

- The attack will start soon. The Germans are week and it will not be difficult to take their positions. It is an artillery regiment; I saw a lot of tanks.

But his face showed some concern

It looked strange. The Germans were only couple kilometres away and it was so quite. No an artillery shots or other shouting, not a sound - not like it was at the beginning of the war, by Nevel. You could hear then like a thunder and now - like quiet winter day in the village.

After a while our company got up.

The front line wasn’t even - hills and the walleyes. The village, which we had to recapture, was not visible because it was behind a hill. The political leader told us to move forward and so we did by advancing and dropping to the ground. Then the Germans opened the fire. You could say the whole hell broke loose. The political leader was close by and I saw how he was hit, probably in the chest because he fell backwards and all his propaganda leaflets flew out. Later on there were rumours that he was shot by one of the third platoon Siberian-Lithuanians. There were two of them - strong as oaks. One spoke Lithuanian quite well, the other not so well. One of them always said he will repaid the political leader who used to live in Siberia and destroyed ‘the white’ fighter’s units.  The family of one of them had a big farm in Lithuania but during the Tsar’s regime were deported to Siberia. The Lithuanian deportees in Siberia organised themselves into an army that they were going to be sent to Lithuania to regain independence. However the communists deceived them, destroyed their leaders and their army and later their nationally orientated community.

The attacking field was cover with dead bodies. The living ones were hiding behind the dead ones. The artillery fire mixed the earth with snow and blood; the explosions were tearing the air apart. My friend Brusokas was firing from the anti-tank rifle and I was bringing him ammunition. We managed to get a bit further. Bursokas was slightly injured.

The first blood ‘christening’

I was left on my own. The gun of Bursokas I left where he was wounded. Here were a lot of dead soldiers but more wounded ones. Badly wounded ones were calling for help. You had to step over the dead ones to reach them. I was trying to help when I felt something hit my foot. Got me. That was on 25th of February 1943.

I thought that shrapnel hit me. I concentrate hard and managed to jump in largish artillery missile made hole. In it already was a wounded soldier. He argued that it was his hole but when he saw that I was also injured he quietened down. There was enough room for both.

When I looked at my foot I saw that there was a piece of the felt boot missing. I took it off and saw a big wound on my calf. Strange: no pain and no blood. I took the first aid package, bandaged my foot and put the boot on it again. I looked round to see which is the best way to retreat. On one side there was a hill and the other a valley. Here I saw more shots exploding. On the hill there was more snow: the artillery did not bombard it so much. The bombardment stop.

I left my hole and crawled dragging the rifle. I thought of using it as a stick but when I started to walk, I felt the pain. I had to leave the rifle. Then I crawled on all fours. Straight ahead, were I could see the white of snow. In the valley the soldiers going to the front and back, the first-aid men were dragging on the sleighs injured ones to the back.

I also turned that way. After a bit of crawl two first-aid men saw me and asked if was wounded. I told them yes. They put down my name in their book.

  - Where is your rifle?

  - I left it where I was wounded. It’s a anti-tank gun, it’s very heavy - I could not carry it.

They put down the number of the rifle and told me that with every injured man they had to bring his rifle back.

I laid down on the sleigh and they started taking me back without a rifle. After a while they spotted a discarded rifle. They brought it onto the sleigh and altered the report - marked that I have a gun.

  - Neither you nor we will have to explain the missing rifle, - they said.

While we were sorting it all out, two soldiers passed by - injured but happy. They just got a bit further when an artillery missile exploded nearby, injuring them for the second time - this time very badly. They asked to be helped. At the same time artillery missiles started exploding all around us. The first-aid men told them that they have a injured one but they will back very soon. When the missiles are exploding at a certain places everybody wants to get away from there.

They took me a bit further away from the front line to the first dressing point. From here the first-aid men were taking the wounded ones by horses further behind the lines. At the first dressing point worked our company’s sergeant’s wife, first-aid lieutenant, who had a look at my wound.

  - The bullet passed lengthways through the flesh. Good it did not catch the bone, -she said.

She bandaged my wound but couldn’t get my felt boot on. It had to be cut off.

All the injured ones were given papers to pass on to the doctors.

The first-aid drivers took a few of us to a village and took us into a house. In it room full of wounded ones, no room even to sit down. An orderly told us that a doctor will be coming soon and disappeared. There was nobody to look at us. Somebody found a candle. So we stayed like that till the morning when a first-aid man came.

  - Who can move, come with me, - he said.

Only those stayed who could not move. We never saw them again.

We could see that the injured ones were being taken somewhere but we didn’t now whether from the front or from one place to another. A few of us walked to another house. Here we found a few officers. We asked them what we are suppose to do: nobody cared about the injured ones, for some time we had nothing to eat. They couldn’t tell us anything concrete.

After a while we were taken to another end of the collective farm. Everywhere injured people. We stayed in one room full of moaning and dying soldiers.

  -Wait here ambulances will be coming, -we were told.

The weather was horrible. Snowdrifts blocked all the roads. We had nothing to eat now for couple days.

After few days weather slightly improved. Few lorries came and took us through the fields because the roads were all blocked up by snow. It took us day and half to cover ten kilometres.

At night we were left on the street. Frozen and hungry we just could manage to move. With difficulty we opened a door of one house. Could not get inside. Full of injured people. We tried another house - same story. We were a few dozen of us. We all dispersed trying to find somewhere to spend the night.

Then we noticed a light in one of the houses. Through the window we could see that there was some room. We walked in. Some political leaders and officers started shouting that we had no right to walk in there as it was the staff’s room. We did not listen to them and just walked in. One of our men explained to them that we had nowhere to go and we staying here till morning. They quietened down.  A few Russians and four Lithuanians spent the night there.

We wander about

The next day one of the officers found us some rooms. We, four Lithuanians, put up at one house where there were some Russian soldiers from another division. The officer told us that we have to register ourselves so we could get some food.

The other soldiers weren’t very friendly to us but told us where we could get everything. We weren’t very badly injured but, after such a long journey without any food and medical attention, didn’t feel very good. I seemed to be the better one of the rest of them and, though not very good at Russian, rushed  out to find the place where to register.

In the office they took all the details: who we are, how many of us and who  was looking after us. They put down my name because I would have to take care of all of them. I registered eight wounded ones and received a slip of paper for food. I brought home some much food that we had not seen for a long time. My foot was aching and was badly swollen. No medicine was provided. My bandages were soaked with blood. When I took them off I saw how many lice there were around my wound. I was seized with horror…I told them that tomorrow someone else will have to go to fetch food.

In the morning we had to go again for food. We looked at each other - to go or not? Nobody wanted to be without food, to be hungry. Everyone’s wounds looked so bad, mine probably a bit better, so I went again.

First I went to the first aid post. Fortunately there was a doctor who had a look at my foot. He saw my blood soaked bandages and told the first aid man to clean it up and told him to go with me and have a look at the others.

We stayed here about a week. They started to pay more attention to the injured ones. Once they called up all the group carers. The commissar ordered to make lists of all the injured ones.

One soldier came to me. At first I didn’t recognise him. He was my former platoon commander Valiukas.

   - Kuliukas, what are you doing here. Where are you staying, - he asked me.

I told him that I am staying in the other house.

   - Would there be enough room for me as well?

I told him that in this house we are only four and the room is quite large. He started begging me to accept him.

   - There isn’t any  order here., - he told me. - I get very little food and the weaker ones some times don’t get  any at all.

I remembered how he told us that in Lithuania he was a cruel KGB man, was stationed on the German border and used to catch Lithuanian officers and civil servants trying to get across the border. I looked at him. He was  so impoverished that I couldn’t say ‘no’. When we got home he was surprised that we had food and something to smoke. He was really badly injured. A bullet was stuck somewhere in his back bone and he could hardly use his hands.

Soon those who could walk were taken to a field hospital. There was a big tent full of injured soldiers. Here we had better order, sometimes we would get our dressings changed.

From hospital to hospital

From here they took us to the railway station and from there to Tula. Ambulances took us to one hospital where we got proper medical attention.

Later we were transferred to another hospital. This was a real hospital. Here we had to undress, to hand over all the military gear, later we were shaven and had a haircut. Everything was done by nurses. We had a good wash, were issued with pyjamas, dressing gowns. The wards had clean beds, sheets and soft pillows. I felt like newly born.

A doctor came, inspected my wound, put on a dressing. Food was brought to my bed. When I laid my head on the pillow, I immediately dropped off to sleep.

How long I slept - I don’t know. The sister woke me for breakfast. It was like this every day: the sisters used to wake me, feed me. For about three days I didn’t know whether it was morning or evening. As long as I live I shall never forget this, how pleasant it was not to have any lice, to have a soft and comfortable bed and not be hungry anymore.

But everything comes to an end. After a week the hospital was closed.  We were transferred to another hospital. Here were a mixture of badly and lightly injured soldiers. From the beginning I could not understand why I was  treated so well. A former Lithuanian sergeant (pity I can’t remember his name) very pleasant man, told me that he was very friendly with the head doctor and therefore he wasn’t sent back to the front. Apparently the doctor worked in this hospital for a long time, he hated communists (he was a former Tsar army doctor). The sergeant took care of everything in the hospital.

Two Lithuanians came to the hospital once: one in officer’s uniform, the other in civilian clothes. They were most likely political leaders or from the special forces. They interrogated all the 16th Lithuanian division soldiers. I was interrogated by the civilian. He asked me where I lived in Lithuania, what did I do. I told him that I was a farmer from Birţai. Then he started interrogating some more. Later I found out that those whom they liked were sent to rehabilitation and rest camps near Moskow and from there they weren’t sent to the front anymore. They were being prepared as partisans to operate behind the enemy lines. I didn’t suit them as a farmer and was classed as a capitalist ‘buoţë’

About the middle of May I and one Jewish man were discharged from hospital. We received documents, train fares and food rations for three days. We had to proceed towards Oriol.

Back to division

The train stopped at some station and didn’t go any further. We all alighted. At the station we had all the documents checked and told to wait. After a while came two KGB men. They started asking us why we weren’t here yesterday. We were taken to some sort of tunnel. In the office a KGB man started asking where  we had been.

   - You do not want to fight, to go where you are detailed, - he reproached us. It was good that my friend, the Jew, could speak good Russian. We started to explain. Told him that yesterday on the way to the station we had got lost.

Probably the KGB man  noticed that my friend was a Jew, and that helped us a bit. We were released but we had ourselves to find the recovered (in health) battalion. We had to walk.

When we left the station I spotted one old acquaintance who  worked in the divisional supply group. It was the same soldier who used to give me  the secretly printed ‘news leaflets’ to read. We met like real brothers. I told him that I had to report to the battalion.

   - Don’t be a fool, - he told me, - there is very poor food and from there they are sent straight to the front line. Go to the division. They are now recovering behind the lines, so you wont have to go to the front for some time yet.

On the 15th of May, after three months spent in various hospitals,  I returned to the same division. It was impossible to know what tomorrow would bring.

It was very pleasant to meet my old friend. He told me a lot, also that our division was destroyed near Aleksejevka and only about a third was left. I told him that I will have to go to the detailed battalion. He said:

   - Don’t take any notice. You are not the first one that we have taken to the division. It’s still better. We can take you directly to the divisional headquarters. Divisional headquarters asked us to do that.

We stopped a little further on, near a wood. They had enough food.

   - We will leave a bit later, - after a meal my friend told me.                   - During the day the German planes sometimes pay a visit. We will be able to have a good talk on the way. We all knew that we could not trust anybody. A few soldiers had deliberately injured themselves and they were executed.

He also mentioned about the ‘news leaflets’ that we used to get. They printed stories that prisoners were being released from camps and prisons. There were a few in the Balachnoy division, where they were being trained.

He talked to me about crossing front line together and surrendering to the Germans.

   - Just the same, - he said, - it is a very small chance to stay alive until the end of the war and to return home.

The next day we were taken to the 249th regiment headquarters. I was detailed to the same PTR company although I wanted to join the artillery or anti-aircraft unit. They just would not let me. I said good-bye to my friend and went in search of my company.

I found it. Still the same company commander and the sergeant major. I reported:

   - Sergeant Kuliukas reporting back for duty.

They were all asking me about everything. The were surprised that I returned to the same unit. It is a very rare occasion. I was the first one to report back. It was clear that there were very few left of the old company. Many were wounded, the others were undergoing treatment in field hospitals. Very many got killed.

I was detailed to the second section, the same as before. In charge was a different section leader, the other sections had the old leaders, one of them a Jew. In our section from the original seven there were only four old ones left, the others had got killed.

 The third section had suffered most. Our company suffered less than the others.

In reality I had to report to the recovering injured battalion. The regiment doctor had a look at my wound. It seemed that it had not healed properly. It had to be frequently dressed. Food was very poor.

The front destroyed everything. The fields weren’t being worked at. We used to go to the field where in the previous year potatoes had been grown. They were now frozen. But in the spring the potatoes above the ground had dried up, and only starch left. We used to rub them and used this to fry pancakes, even without fat. But it satisfied hungry men.

Preparing again for a battle

In the second half of June the division received an order to prepare for battle. It had received reserves from Balachna. There were very few Lithuanians left in the division, mostly Jews, Russians, quite a lot of women, a few released from prisons or concentration camps. The soldiers were very poorly prepared for battle.

The front was quite near. It seemed, at that time there weren’t any big battles, we couldn’t hear any artillery ‘thunder’, and seldom plane’ dog-fights’ could be seen.

After couple days we put up at a collective farm, in a valley by a brook. Nice place. Here you could feel that the front was very near. You could hear artillery shots and machine-gun fire. Behind the wood was the front line.

Early in the morning we received an order to replace the front line division. Probably during the night the artillery and other heavy gun units were replaced. When we got nearer to the wood we met the retreating soldiers.

The first line started in the wood. The same as on previous occasions, our second section was detailed to the second company. The second company soldiers occupied the trenches - we after them. The trenches were dug zigzag, fairly deep, so you could walk standing up.

To this day I remember how everybody became silent when they occupied the trenches. Especially the new recruits just sent from Balachna. The older soldiers who had been in the war  were also very nervous. When  bullets whistled by everybody got closer to the sides. The high sides of the trench guarded against a sting from the little ‘bees’.

At night we dug new trenches. The leaders told us that they wanted to establish direct link because the old trenches were dug around the high point. We had to go to an open field and dig. It wasn’t pleasant at all - the German front line was very near, very often we could hear bullets whistling by. To begin we all dug a little hole first just for the cover and then started digging a deep trench.

The second battalion had taken the positions to our left. They were closer to the German lines. Right at the front were positioned  the ‘discipline’ battalion (prisoners and such). They took up the most dangerous positions, near the German lines. In front - the barbed wire and mines  (they themselves had to put up barbed wire and mines), behind - KGB soldiers with heavy machine-guns.. If somebody tried to escape - they were shot without any mercy. The leaders of these were mostly KGB men who themselves had committed an offence. If a soldier committed an offence he was told to get out of the trench and walk about standing up. Then the Germans used to shout:

   - Don’t be afraid, we know you are being punished. We won’t shoot you.

Mostly they were shot by the KGB men.

When we replaced the division, we saw by the edge of the wood a hanged soldier. On his back and front were boards with writing that he was hanged as a German spy. The political leaders were saying that he tried to take across the front to the Germans a ‘Katiuđa’ rocket.

When we were at the front line, we could hear through the loudspeakers Lithuanian music and speeches, urging us to cross the front to the Germans.

  - We are eating white bread with bacon and you are starving all the time - they were saying.

At the end of June - beginning of July there were more  German planes. They sometimes had dog-fights with the Russian fighter planes. The Russian planes were better and faster than the German planes, however more of them were shot down than the German.

At night we could hear heavy motor rumbling which indicated that they were massing tanks. We were under heavy artillery fire more often. We had a feel that something was going to happen.

Our section had to guard the regimental staff bunker. It was very deep, well reinforced and masked, on top were  a few rows of thick logs.

We took the position right by the entrance to the bunker. When the Germans started heavier bombardment we could go inside and take cover from the shrapnel. The regiment Colonel Antanas Đurkus worked in the bunker. He often spoke on the telephone to somebody.

The battle of Kursk

On the 4th of July we could clearly hear movement of the motorised units. The messenger brought to the regiment colonel an order from the divisional headquarters. It seemed he was warned about the German attack because we could hear the colonel giving an order to the battalion leaders to prepare to resist the enemy attack.

At night the Germans increased their fire on to our positions. Around 2 am all the hell broke loose: heavy artillery, mortar, all sorts of rockets exploded continually. You couldn’t breathe for gun powder smoke. When the bombs exploded, the earth started to burn releasing very acrid, choking gun powder smoke.

It was dawn for some time but you could not see the sun. It looked as if all the front was burning. After a while the explosions subsided and we could see a bit further on.

German planes appeared and dropped some bombs by the regimental staff bunker. Mostly they bombed a bit further along at the end of the valley where the first battalion and our company’s first platoon were positioned.  Later on the Germans again started heavy firing. We could see that they sent the tanks into the valley. There were very many tanks. Through the thick gun powder smoke we could not see them very well, but we heard from the regiment’s staff that during the first attack they sent in twelve tanks. A few were destroyed and the rest had to withdraw. When the smoke subsided we could see more tanks, followed by the German soldiers. We could see few blown up tanks. The valley was very well mined. All our artilery with full calibre were firing at the Germans.

One battalion informed us that the Germans had broken through the first lines.  Reinforcements were requested. The colonel ordered the third battalion to send some support.

Not long after from the wood there appeared the third battalion which was mostly Russian. The started counter-attacking where the Germans had broken through. The Germans opened still heavier fire - from all sots of guns. Approaching planes could be heard. They passed right over us but we could not see them through the smoke. It was midday. The sun looked just like a red dot which kept disappearing as thick smoke covered the horizon.

Shortly after we had a word from the battalion staff that the German attack was repulsed. They asked what to do with the German prisoners of war  which were captured (about twenty). The regiment colonel A.Đurkus ordered them to be taken to the rear and there to be interrogated,.

The firing quietened down a bit.. The third battalion suffered most, a lot killed and even more wounded. You could hear cries for help from the trenches and the field but the first aid men were nowhere to be seen to help them.

After some time everything quietened down. On our part of the front line the Germans were firing more towards the right of our division. They managed to break through there because our 16th Lithuanian Riflemen division held their positions against the attack.

Later the regiment colonel A.Đurkus ordered the staff liaison men to find out what happened to the German prisoners. He rung the leader of the first battalion. Soon he received a reply: before the colonel’s order reached the unit holding the prisoners, they were all executed (shot to death). He got really mad and shouted into the phone why they didn’t obey his orders.

In the air, just above us there were dog-fights of the planes however in the evening  our part of the front line became quieter while to the left of the front the fight was in full swing. Later we found out that the first and the third sections of our platoon were almost completely destroyed. When the Germans had broken through they had separated our third section which fell into German  hands.

After this Kursk battle our division was replaced by an armoured division, a lot of tanks and “katushas” (rocket launchers) placed on lorries which I had not seen before. It turned out to be that the modern tanks and the lorries were American. Even planes and the food were foreign made and only the bread and the biscuits were Russian.

When we took on a new position we realised how much our regiment had suffered. Many dead, still more wounded and a lot just disappeared. The regiment received large reinforcements from Balachna.

After a week the regiment received another order to prepare for launching an assault. Our second section, a few that were left, had to join the second company, based not far from the rye field. When we started the attack and  got out of our trenches the Germans increased their fire power. We moved to the left into the rye field. I fell on my stomach. I spotted in front of me a stretched wire. A glance to the right - there was a  mine, like a hand grenade stuck a couple of centimetres into the ground - waiting for a sacrifice. If I had touched the wire my fight would have been  over. I stepped over that wire and ran a few paces forward. The Germans were shooting without any mercy.

It was getting towards  evening. My friend Jankauskas from the ex-riflemen corps complained that he, when it gets darker, becomes blind. He said it was from poor food. I helped him to get about and at the same time had to watch not to step on a mine.

We decided to wait until it got light. To the left - our company’s first section, it’s leader my good friend from ex-29th territorial riflemen  corps sergeant Markevičius. We talked about our experiences.  I sat at the end of the trench. He was going to get us some breakfast from the company’s kitchen. We asked him to bring some for us as well. Then we heard a shot. It seemed like it was fired from our side.

   - I received one, - I said to the sergeant Markevičius.

   - Received what?

“The little bee” didn’t spare me

I showed him a little hole in my trench  coat’s sleeve where the bullet passed below the shoulder through  my arm. He shouted to the men to stop firing. When I took my trench coat off, we saw that it was a German sniper’s shot. If he had aimed a few centimetre to the left it would have gone straight through the heart. How daft I felt for sitting so high in the trench! My hand started bleeding. I had it bandaged. I wished my friends  good bye and they wished me the same, rejoicing that I would not need be for some time in the front line.

And so on the 17th of July I started my journey to the field hospital. I said goog-bye to the first section men and through the communication trenches crossed the rye field. Not far off - the first First-aid post. Here they sorted out my wound dressings, gave me a paper saying that I was wounded in the Front and had not wounded myself. It was important to get such a certificate in order to avoid facing a court-marshal.The field hospital head sister was the same sergeant’s wife. She remembered me and was glad that I stayed alive once more.

Early next morning I was issued with three days rations and told to go to a field hospital. In our group were only lightly wounded ones. We reached that hospital in a couple  of days. It was set out in a large undergroud dug-out, not far from some collective farm.

In this field hospital lightly wounded ones weren’t kept for very long. After they got slightly better they were sent back to the front. I saw some wounded and paralysed soldiers crawling about and not getting any medical attention. They weren’t useful anymore. The hospital staff did not care much about the injured ones. In our bunker there were few sergeants who were in charge. Their duty was to send as many back as possible every week to the front. They used to make a list and pass it on to the hospital office and the doctor used to call them and sign them out. One morning I was called to the office. The sergeant asked me:

   - Is this your name?

   - Yes, its mine.

   - I thought it was a Caucasian name. I didn’t know, you could have stopped a bit longer in the hospital.

Back to my friends

In our group therewere about ten soldiers. We were issued with three days rations and told where, when and how we should reach the recovery battalion. When we reached the designated place there we didn’t find anybody - the battalion had moved closer to the front line. After three days we ran out of food buy we still had to find the battalion.

We walked a bit further, where the front line had been in the winter and saw a barbed wire on which lay dressed in white overalls dead Red Army soldiers. Most likely here was a bit of a  battle. The notice boards said: ’Mines”. We did a quick turn about - didn’t want to fly into the air. For some days we were without food, but there was nowhere we could get some - all the villages were destroyed.

Finally we managed to catch up with the recovery battalion. At the time the Germans were being pushed back and they just followed behind.

We stopped in a wood. Doctor gave us all a check-up. Those of us who were a bit healthier was sent straight to the front. Nearly all were accepted as fit to fight…

When I returned to the front I met my regiment soldiers. They told us that our division was retreating to get some reinforcements and rest. I asked where the PTR company was. They told me the street. In the town’s square there were more soldiers. I asked my group leader to take over my duties and I went to look for my company. I found it. A bit off the road lay or sat the second platoon soldiers. Amongst them - a lot of unknown faces. I spotted my friend, the Jew. We both were delighted that we were still alive. We were together right from beginning when the company was formed. I asked him where were the others. He really didn’t have to answer - I understood without the need of words.

   - The sergeant major, the cook and the company commander are the same., - he told me. I quickly went to see them because I didn’t have much time. I didn’t want to be classed as a deserter. They already were waiting for me. We met like long lost brothers. I told them that our group was being sent back to the front. Soon we went to the town square where everyone was being lined up. My group was already in line. Our company commander and the sergeant major went to see the other company commander and explained everything. The other company commander was a good man and he let me stay with my old company. When I returned to the company I found out that there were only four former soldiers.

On the 17th  of August 1943 I returned to my PTR company. We all wanted to talk about our experiences. I wanted to know what happened during the last month to the other men. I was told that there was  very fierce fighting before recapturing Orlion, many got killed, more wounded.  The division was reinforced from Balachna. The first and the second platoons of our company ertr still almost unchanged but the other companies -- very mixed.

Once, while the front line was fairly quiet, the second platoon commander sergeant Prunskevičius, the first platoon commander Mackevičius and others came to the second platoon trenches to talk and have a smoke. While they talked and smoked a large artillery cannon fell directly into the trench amongst them and they were all killed.

As I mentioned before, the young Jewish soldier and I were good friends, together we joined the company when the 16th Lithuanian Rifle division was formed in Gorodec. He, alone in the company, had not yet been wounded, whilst the others were injured, or their feet or hands frozen.

The company had just left the front line and stopped for the first rest period. I was so happy to be with them again.

The next day all division was withdrawn for a rest and reinforcements. Some men had to have more training because some of them had just been mobilized. In our company we had Lithuanians and a lot of Latvian Jews, the other companies - a mixture: many Asians, Russians.

I was assigned to the same fourth section. The leader , a young Jew - not a bad man, was recently sent from Balachna, where spare regiments were kept. He told me that he knew our ex-platoon leader Valiukas.

Soon our division reached to the railway station. We were told to board the wagons

   - We will return back to Tula, - our leaders told us

We all got into wagons and waited for the train to start moving. There I saw walking Genrikas Zimanas. He was overjoyed at seeing me, shook my hand and asked how I was getting on. He wasn’t expecting to meet me here. He started asking questions about everything. I was much more careful in answering him, chose my words more carefully before answering. He didn’t urge me to write home anymore but urged to join the communist party. He seemed changed, very strict. He not only urged me  but intimidated:

   - Do you think that by being injured in the front line you will not be touched when you get back home? That will help you very little if you do not join the party. You said that you love your mother and all the family and wanted to help them? You must join the communist party and then you will be able to help them more.

He said he would write a request to a regimental political leader so I could be accepted into the party.

   - I will give you a good reference because we know each other for a long time. Everything will be all right.

I told him that would not be accepted into the communist party because I had a large farm and some relations abroad.

   - That’s not important. I had a few shops before the war but I belonged to party. All the big leaders such as Lenin came from a wealthy family and Stalin came from well-to-do family. I also have some relations abroad.

After saying that he suddenly changed, probably said something that he should not have said.

   - Think carefully of what I said. Will meet later on, - he stressed going away.

Some German planes appeared at the same time and opened machine-gun fire. Nobody was hit.

Rest in Tula

The sergeant major ordered me to release the kitchen watch. By the time I got ready I forgot all about G.Zimanas. I don’t know what happened but he didn’t come back anymore as promised.

Soon the train started. In the evening we stopped at some little station allowing the trains going towards the front to pass. Early in the morning we begun moving towards Tula.

When the train stopped at Tula station we all got out. Our company was taken to the suburbs. We could see a lot of destroyed houses because here had been a big battle with the Germans. The company stopped where some room could be found. Our section settled at one little house. Here lived a woman with a little daughter. Her husband was called-up at beginning of the war. It was a long time since she heard from him.

Whilst our company was based here we did some training for the next battle. When we used to come home in the evening this young woman was very pleasant and merry, talked to everyone but in the morning she was unhappy. Probably everyone knew why: the young soldiers did not engage in any activities with her.

One day we were taken down to Tula station where there was a special train with a bath and disinfection facilities. First our hair was cut then all our clothes deloused. For a time most of the lice were destroyed.

When we returned our sergeant major informed us that tomorrow we would be moving on.

Our abode was very small. We slept close to each other on the floor. By the door stood the woman’s bed. I got up one night to go outside. It wasn’t easy to get out over the sleeping soldiers. When I was passing the woman’s bed she stretched out her hand so I got caught on it. I took her hand and she pulled me towards her. It didn’t need a lot of pulling. I laid in her bed. She became happy, she was whispering to me all the time, didn’t want the others to hear.

The next morning when we got up she was very happy. She provided everybody with water to wash and was very sorry that we had to leave. I realized that she didn’t know who spent the night with her. I was so sorry for her and also pleased that she didn’t know.  I didn’t have much time because they were all lining up for the march. I entered the room and she run in after me and started crying.

   - I thought that you won’t show up - she said and kissed me.

She gave me a little bag and kissed me again. I was unfortune not to see her again but the men  pulled my leg for a long time.

We went further away from Tula. We stopped at what looked like a little town or a collective farm. For couple weeks we quietly prepared for further fighting. By the small brook, in the meadow we did various battle exercises. It was September. The weather was nicely cool. While we were here the girls in the town organized dances. Sometimes we were shown films. For us, soldiers it was very good, we could pick the girls we wanted. In the army there where a lot of girls and women by in the front but they didn’t want to speak with the soldiers but only with the officers. Even in the first front lines, when the shells were exploding around us,  they didn’t wait until the fight was over… Now the girls didn’t bother about ranks.

The sergeant major assigned me to the kitchen watch. It seemed he thought that I was section leader’s assistant but the section leader wanted his friend to take up these duties. They joined the company at thesame time and both were members of  the Young Communist League. The sergeant major didn’t like them.

Sometime later the sergeant major mentioned about G.Zimanas application to the regiment’s political commissar. I told him that I knew nothing of it. I truly thought that this business was finished. I was waiting to get to the front as soon as possible. I was more frightened to return to Lithuania with the Red Army. I didn’t know then how the Bolsheviks were treating ‘freed’ nations. And I didn’t know how the Germans were treating the prisoners of war, Jews and all civilian population in occupied countries although the political leaders told us all sorts of horror stories. We thought it was propaganda.

Soon we received an order to march towards Tula railway station and from there via Kaluga go to Nevel-Vitebsk front line. It was the end of September 1943.

In the front line at Velikije Luki

At the end of September our train stopped at a small station not far from Velikije Luki. To reach the front we had to march. At that time our marches were better organized than at the beginning of the war.

In our regiment there weren’t many Lithuanians and Lithuanian Jews. Mostly it consisted of ex-prisoners from concentration  camps and prisoners pardoned by Stalin, the, so called, criminal prisoners but in fact they were political prisoners of various nationalities.

We put up at a collective farm, not far from Velikije Luki. The locals showed us some Lithuanian cigarette packets and empty vodka bottles. They said that some Lithuanian units had been stationed here. They praised our men.

In the fields you could see heaps of sheaves because there was nobody to take them in. All the men were called-up or retreated with the Germans. We saw many civilian prisoners being marched by KGB men, who told us that they were German henchmen. We weren’t very busy, therefore we helped the farmers to take in and stack the wheat.

One old farmer worked with us for a couple days. He kept swearing at the political leaders. Once he told our political leader:

   - Why the hell did you return. It was better under the Germans.

After that we did not see him again. The people said that he was shot.

Our regiment was sent to the front line. We replaced some other unit. As always after the battle, there were few soldiers left. They  had chased the Germans out of the village. The village was completely destroyed. In front of it there were two large lakes and between them a narrow strip of land. On the other side of the lakes - a large village where the Germans were entrenched. To attack straight ahead - guaranteed death. On the right - a swamp. One unit was sent through the swamp. Didn’t get through. The unit was regrouped and ordered to attack again. No tanks could be seen (you could say that we did not see any tanks helping our division to attack). Not that many heavy artillery guns either, mostly light machine-guns and mortars. So after regrouping we started a fresh attack. From the beginning the Germans did not respond very much. We couldn’t hear the six barreled rockets ‘Vaniuđas’.

Our regiment consisted of many young and inexperienced men, many Caucasians. If a Caucasian got wounded or killed they rushed to give him a hand. Then another artillery shot would kill them all.

We managed fairly easy to take the German trenches. Probably it was just a small unit. The trenches were not badly damaged. We found a few dead Germans, many light guns, ammunition, some food and German cigarettes. In one German’s trench coat  pocket I found his soldier’s book and knew that his name was Freitag.

The attack went well. The artillery shells landed in the bog and not many exploded. The battalion did not suffer much. By the time we took over the German positions, it started to get dark. We received an order to prepare for a night attack.

Our platoon and automatic weapons unit were attached to the second company. So they formed a strong light weapons unit.

Not far away we could see a hill, a bit further on - a village. The order was to capture that hill.

When it got darker, the company took an attacking position, ready for the night attack. Our section leader, the young Jew was very nervous, he really didn’t know how to lead the section.

We didn’t have to wait long for the order. Soon came the order ‘forward’. Before we reached half of the hill, the Germans opened hellish fire. The men started running back. They were jumping over us because we were a little lower on the hill. We had to retreat to the trenches. I was on my own in  one trench. When the fire subsided I returned to the rest of the company. They all thought that I was killed. The men said that the Germans were superior and had staged a counter-attack and we were forced to flee. I had to agree. I told them that when we started shooting, the Germans ceased attacking. Political leader wrote down all sorts of nonsense and made me a hero. It was very unpleasant. I could not tell them that I was waiting for the Germans to surrender. Later I got to know that two Lithuanians from automatic weapons unit crossed over to the Germans.

When I returned, the platoon commander Jew,  was very sad. He asked me if there were any Germans in the trenches. I told him ‘no’. Then he admitted to me that he left in the trenches a bag with all his documents (he was the company’s communist youth secretary). The section leader’s assistant also left an anti-tank gun. So the next morning, while it was still foggy, they both rushed out to get their things. When these were returned they were very happy.

The next day the Germans were chased out of the village without a big fight.

Later our division was pulled back for reinforcements. We received them from Balachna - men from stringent concentration camps and Ircutsk prisons.

In November we were back in the front’s first lines. The first battle. We received an order to capture a small hill. Our regiment’s artillery and mortar guns gave us a cover. We captured the hill quite easy. To the right was a village that went from hand to hand and was completely destroyed.

The battle in full swing

For couple days it was fairly quiet. The Germans fired one or two artillery shells as if to remind us that they weren’t far away.

Finally one day all the German artillery opened fire. The tanks appeared. A real hell broke loose! We expected the German attack from the front but they were attacking from the left flank where we had the automatic weapons company and signals platoon. Our platoon, all that were left in the trenches, rushed to help them. All the soldiers, seeing the German tanks, retreated, even leaving the anti-tank guns. The grey tanks were getting very close. I picked up an anti-tank gun and aimed. I didn’t have the chance to fire when a German shell exploded about a metre from me and covered me with earth. I was lucky the platoon commander was close and he pulled me out.

We retreated to the other side of the hill to join the other of our units. The platoon leader thought that we may escape when the fire subsided. We got into a bunker at the side of the hill and watched what was happening around us. We spotted that our anti-tank trench was full of retreating soldiers. Couple of German tanks stopped at the end of the trench and opened  machine-gun and cannon fire mixing everything with the earth. These tanks were only a few tens of metres away. They resumed their attack forward, followed by the German soldiers with automatic weapons.

Not far away was another deep trench. We had to run  there. I kept quiet and didn’t move: it was clear to me what I had to do. Obviously, I could not tell the platoon leader what I had in mind. He said:

   - I will run and you follow me. Poor chap, he could not manage to run even a few yards when a German machine-gun laid him to rest for ever. Now I knew that there wasn’t any chance to escape. I hid back into the bunker and waited to see what will happen: will I get killed or taken  prisoner of war.

Realisation of my dream

Way back, at the end of June, when I was at the Oriol front, before the German attack, I dozed off in the trenches. I had a dream that I was with the friend that was already dead. A large German bomb exploded and we were all covered by the fallen earth but a German passing kicked the earth off me and pulled me out. Now I thought that the dream will come true.

I didn’t have to wait long. Soon I heard:

   - Ivan raus, raus! /Russians were called by the name Ivan/. The German was shouting (Russian, out, out!)

I didn’t wait for him to repeat - raised my hands and came out.

The German said:

   - Russian come here!

I came nearer to him. He felt around me and said:

   - Go away!

He showed me where to go. After a few steps another German look me over but didn’t search me. He showed me to go to the left.

That was on the 11th of November 1943.

To tell you the truth I couldn’t tell you how I felt. There was a wounded soldier nearby and he said:

   - Where are you going?

What could I do? Had to listen to what the German was saying.

On the hill, in front some German tanks were moving. Followed by the soldiers. They paid no attention to me. I wanted to get away from the front line as far as possible. All around me I could see German soldiers who kept chasing me to the back of the front line.

In a difficult situation

After a while behind a small bush I saw a German soldier waving to me:

   - Russian come here!

I came closer. There behind a bush sat another soldier. He showed me to sit next to him. He told me that they are not German but French. He kept poking me in the chest and kept repeating:

   - Stalin good, Hitler caput!

I understood what they were trying to say to me: when it gets dark we will ‘go to Stalin’. I tried to explain to them that Stalin is no good but Hitler is good and I don’t want to ‘go to Stalin’, that I am not Russian but Lithuanian. We could not make each other understand. The French had a light machine-gun and two boxes of ammunition. It seemed that they planned to go across to the Russians. I got in a very difficult situation. I kept arguing with them.

At that time firing started. Close by a shell exploded slightly injuring one of my new acquaintances. Then they forgot the Russians and probably Stalin as well and said to me:

   - Russian come here!

The Frenchman hung a light machine-gun and a rifle around my neck, the wounded soldier his ruck-sack, gave me two boxes of ammunition and pointed that I should follow them. They walked fast and I, loaded with all the gear could hardly follow them. They looked good, not like us, tired ‘Stalin’s paradise’ soldiers. We reached the former Russian trenches which the German tanks had levelled off. A few  mutilated bodies could be seen.

Then we reached the deep trenches. They were full of German soldiers. They were very friendly: gave us some cigarettes, one brought a pot of soup, a large piece of bread. The wounded one gave me a wave and walked away. Soon came three that appeared like German soldiers. They were French too. They started to explain to me that they will help me to escape from the Germans and together with me will cross over ‘to Stalin’. They didn’t wait long. Started walking towards the Russian trenches and indicated that I follow them. I returned to the trench, sat down and showed to them that I didn’t want to go to the other side.

They left me, but soon returned four - one of them a sergeant. He pulled out a pistol and waved me on so I would follow them. I had to. Two walked in front, one at the back. It was getting dark and my situation was really difficult. If we managed to go across I would be in trouble, if we didn’t - not too good as well. Falling into the shell holes we managed to get half way to where I surrendered to the Germans. We met a German officer with soldiers. He asked them where are they taking a Russian prisoner, he started shouting at them. The sergeant put his pistol away. The officer ordered them to go towards the front and to me he said:

   - Ivan, come here

I had to follow them. We reached an anti-tank trench. Not far away were a few houses. The night wasn’t too dark so I could see not far away a few dead Russian soldiers. Well, I thought, I reached  the end of the road…

What is awaiting me

At night the house  looked big. They took me inside. The room was lit by a paraffin lamp. There sat two well dressed Germans in military uniform. I thought they were officers. Under the jackets you could see the white collars. They indicated for me to sit on a chair near the door. Those who brought me in joked about the Frenchmen then left.

One of the German spoke good Russian, he probably was the interpreter. He interrogated me asking my name, from what unit, company, the company leaders’ names. When I told them I am not Russian they apparently knew that I was Lithuanian. They wrote everything down. Also asked if I surrendered to the Germans of my own accord, did I have the leaflet (the German planes used to drop leaflets saying that when you surrender and show this leaflet you will be better treated). I told them that I didn’t have one of the leaflets

and that I did not surrender voluntarily. He then advised me to say that I voluntarily surrendered it will be better for me. They had their supper brought in and they ate. It looked as if they didn’t think of me as a human being, as if I wasn’t there. I could see loaves of bread. I was very hungry but daren’t ask for any food. Most likely I wouldn’t have been given any even if I asked. They did not offer any to me.

Into the room walked a soldier with a pistol in his hand. They talked about something then said to me:

   - Ivan, out - and showed the door with the pistol.

The soldier walked out first. It was dark in the corridor. I honestly thought that I would end up in the yard with the other dead Russian soldiers.

The soldier opened another door. When I walked in I could not see anything but heard my name called out. Apparently there were at least ten Lithuanian soldiers voluntarily prisoners of war. They were from the automatic weapons company and from signals. Amongst them was a  company commander. They all wanted to tell me how they managed to get away from ‘Stalin’s paradise”.

These men were at the left flank of the front, from where the Germans attacked our positions. They were all in the bunker when the Germans attacked. With them was one Ukrainian, one Belarus and a Jew.

Beginning the life of prisoner of war

The next day we were ordered to go outside. We were lined-up. A German officer came. For the first time I saw a German officer who looked different from a Red Army officer.

The officer asked where is that small Jew. He stepped forward. The officer said:

   - Don’t be frightened, I need an interpreter.

Then he started calling us one by one inside for interrogation. Later he said that the Lithuanian officer and the Jew will have to travel separately. We said good-byes.

We were taking to the nearby dark looking wood. The German army was everywhere. We were issued with half a loaf of bread and full plate of carrot gruel. It wasn’t tasteful but, being hungry, I ate it all. We could see here more prisoners of war. They were driven away but we Lithuanians were left. For some time we were working in the wood. You could say that we weren't very stringently guarded. I don’t know why we didn’t try to escape. We weren’t there for very long. As it got colder we were taken to the collective farm, promised transport and take us to Vitebsk. We all wished to get further away from the front. However the next day we were informed that the Russians had cut us off and are trying to surround us. Rumours spread that we will not be able to get away from here. We all, not just us Lithuanians, became very nervous and wished to get away from the front. Vitebsk was not to far. It looked as if there continued big battles, because after some time we were informed that the Russians were pushed back and we were taking away by couple  of lorries.

The town was very badly damaged. Somewhere in the suburbs was a prisoner of war camp - a large area fenced in with double barbed wire. Behind the first gate was a big house. In it were those prisoners who surrendered voluntarily. There were over ten Lithuanians, quite a few Russians who had the German-dropped surrender leaflets. We found prisoners - Lithuanians from our division who were taken as prisoners of war earlier when they tried to break through the swamp and cut the Germans from the lake. They failed and The Germans surrounded them. They fought courageously and the Germans lost a lot of men. From then the Germans treated Lithuanians harsher. Soon they brought some more soldiers of our regiment. One good friend of mine from the automatic weapons company told us that at that time when we were taken as  prisoners many soldiers lost their lives in that anti-tank trench. Our entire platoon was destroyed. They assumed that I was dead.

Meeting with my friends

Once two Lithuanians came to see us, they were serving in the Lithuanian Self-defence battalions (savisaugos batalijonai) under German command. They were very friendly, brought us some food and told us that some of their units were guarding the German military headquarters, others - railway lines and other different installations. Promised to visit us again. The next day the same two Lithuanians came with three German officers and an interpreter. They started asking us questions. Two officers spoke Russian. Sometimes they were asking questions in Russian but mostly in  German. The interpreter translated the questions and the answers. Checked our Red Army documents. The clerk put it all down. One officer was very stern.

They interrogated all but they were mostly interested in those who were sentenced to 10 years imprisonment and who were released from prison or concentration camps to join the Red Army. There were four of them amongst us. One was a forester from Paneveţys, sentenced to five years imprisonment because he had a shot gun for hunting, the other - from Raseiniai, a co-operative manager. He took home some fabric and also was sentenced to five years.

They checked my Red Army book as well. The officer said that I was a sergeant. I explained to them that I served in 1st  Infantry Regiment of DLK (the Grand Duke Gediminas)  and for 9 months had attended the leaders training company but the war stopped me finishing it.

One of the officers, who all the time stayed silent and looked senior, suddenly said in Lithuanian:

   - So men, do you want to join the Lithuanian Self-defence battalions?

We were surprised because we thought he was a German.

We stayed silent. Surely nobody wanted to jump from one boiling pot into another but we didn’t want to say directly ‘no’. The first to reply was the forester.

   - I am too old to start afresh. I had suffered enough. I very much would like to return home to get a bit of rest.

The others said they would like to join the Self-defence units. It seemed that the officer only wanted to hear that.

   - We have enough soldiers, - he replied after a pause. He took all our documents. - You won’t need them any more - he said.

Then we all started asking for his help to get somehow out of prison of war. We would have liked to join the units if only we could get home for a brief moment.

   - We can not help you. All the prisoners of war will be moved from here, most likely tomorrow. If you happened to stop in Kaunas ask to be allowed to approach the Adviser general Kubiliűnas. He may be able to help you.

When he mentioned Kaunas we calmed down. The others asked if we would go through Vilnius and he replayed ‘obviously’.

They all left us but later on brought us a lot of food and told us to share it.

Journey to unknown

Soon we heard the Germans shouting:

   - Ivan, Raus! Raus!

We were taken to the railway station not far from our camp. There was a long goods train, specially prepared for prisoners of war. We were all climbing into the wagons but they were still shouting to hurry up. Our wagon wasn’t full so we had enough room. We had to wait for the train to move. Started getting light. At last we have started to move. We Lithuanians were all convinced that the train will stop in Kaunas. I cannot remember if we were given any food. I think not many of us were thinking about food when we were travelling towards our homeland via Vilnius to Kaunas. The windows were very small, nailed up with boards and barbed wire on the outside, so we could not see very much. After a while we all fell asleep.

Honestly, to a prisoner of war time is not important, all days look the same. And they are so short that we didn’t notice how the first day went by. Train stopped very rarely.

When the train stopped at some station it was night time. Through the gaps in the boards we only could see the railway track. Some said they saw the inscription ‘Vilnius’.

The German soldiers went by checking the doors. Soon we were on our way again, however there were no light in the town and we could not see anything.

At day break the train stopped again. We could see the railwaymen walking about. We asked them in Lithuanian if this place was Kaunas but they did not understand. We asked them in Russian, Polish but they did not reply. Some German soldiers appeared. One of them said we were at Eitkűnai. We understood then that we passed Kaunas and we were being taken to Germany.

Prison of war camp in Germany

Soon the train started again and after a couple of hours stopped. We could see a small station, a platform. Soon there were more soldiers around the train, we heard the doors being unlocked and the usual shout:

   - Ivan, raus! Raus!

Our door was opened and the same shout: ‘Ivan, raus!

On the platform stood many prisoners of war - maybe thousand, maybe more. It became clear that this little station was  the prisoner of war camp. It was surrounded by a few rows of barbed wire, around it high watch towers with guards in them armed with machine-guns. Not too far a very large gate. We were herded into the square. Further away rows of barracks each one separately surrounded by a barbed wire fence. When we left Vitebsc it was very cold, plenty of snow about, here - not cold, green grass still could be seen by the barbed wire fence.

The prisoners of war (that is, us) were divided from each wagon into separate groups and allocated a barrack which was completely empty. By the door stood a couple of tables. Here we were all listed. One prisoner boasted that he surrendered voluntarily but he was warned by the man making the lists not to say that:

   - Here those people are not liked very much.

After this we were told to get our eating implements and we were taken to the kitchen where we were given something to eat. We received about half a litre of very thin soup and little piece of bread. We noted that here we will not get fat.

Later we were issued with prisoner of war uniforms: pieces were cut out of the trousers and sleeves and patched with different colour material. On the back written in  large letters: K.G. (Kriegsgefangene - prisoner of war).

We were about twenty Lithuanians. The sergeant in charge of the barracks boasted that he was from Klaipëda, he spoke good Lithuanian.

We took off the Russian uniforms and piled them in a heap. Later the sergeant  and  others gave us a thorough search: we had to take everything out of pockets and put it on the floor. Informed us that the prisoners of war had no right to have any papers or documents. Confiscated everything. I had some note books. I hoped that the German will let me keep them but I was wrong - under no circumstances he would do that. I begged of him:   - I risked my life for them. If the political leaders would have found them they would have certainly shot me.

I was very sad that I had to give away those nearly four year dairies.

We were asked if we would like to send home some letters through the Red Cross. We were allowed to write only that we are healthy and are in  German prisoner of war camp. To exchange letters with home would not be allowed as prisoners of war had no such rights.

Later we were taken to another barrack where we stayed for some time.

Sad days

I made friends with one man from Raseiniai (forgot his name). In the Red Army then we didn’t trust each other very much. Now it was different. The man from Raseiniai was very clever, he managed to get many things, especially tobacco as we were very heavy smokers. The food was terrible therefore after a while we all weakened. Whoever had anything to sell they  exchanged for food. The men from the other barrack behind the barbed wire were being sent to work. Probably they had been  here for a long time. There were some that didn’t look to bad. From them we could get anything but you had to have something to exchange or buy.

There were rumours going round that prisoners were disappearing from the barracks. Everybody thought that they were managing to escape. The guards were increased, searches in the barracks were carried out more often. It appeared that mostly those disappeared who went to work on the farms. It was being rumoured that they were killed by the local bandits and their meat made into sausages. When searches were carried out in their barrack everything was found there. A few of the Russians were shot, the others transferred to somewhere else.

I had a pair of good shoes which I exchanged for wooden clogs. They looked very nice. Tried them on and they fitted. For the shoes I got quite a lot of food but later I was sorry: when we didn’t have to walk far it wasn’t too bad but on a longer walk - they caused blisters. However it was too late - I had nothing more to buy a pair of shoes with and had to struggle with these clogs

When I and the man from Raseiniai used to go to the kitchen for our soup we used to bring a spare pot hidden under the coat because sometimes we managed to get an extra portion. A supervisor noticed this once, he grabbed my pot but I wouldn’t let it go. He then hit me with his bayonet on the hand. I thought he was going to cut my thumb. Even today I still have the scar.

Sometimes good comes out of bad thing. When he cut my thumb it started bleeding. A Russians run out of the kitchen and said to me:

   - Come on, it needs dressing.

He spoke good Lithuanian because as a prisoner of war in Lithuania he worked for a farmer. He took me to the camp stores. And coincidence - the storeman was a soldier from Klaipeda, a Lithuanian. He dressed my thumb and gave me a big chamber pot:

   - Don’t be afraid, it is clean, it’s not been used for a long time.

Then he let me choose a pair of boots from a big pile. I found a good pair. He also gave me a cap worn by soldiers under the helmet which was very useful to me. Then he took me to the kitchen and filled this chamber pot full of better soup.

Working for Germans

Soon they started taking men to work from our barrack. Once our group was taken to work to a German farmer. He was a good man. Before beginning work he took us to the kitchen where on the table was a big plate of sandwiches, rye bread with smoked sausage. When you are hungry everything is tasteful but these sandwiches were really good, just like mother used to make them.

We did all sorts of jobs. Later they started listing who could do what job. My friend said he was a baker and I said I worked in a flour mill. Some of us were sent to work very soon. I heard that my friend was sent to the area of Klaipeda.

Once a supervisor came to our barrack and took us three: two Russians and me to the office where a soldier was already waiting. We were taken to the Elstain railway station where we boarded a passenger. Soon the train got on the move. I felt ever so good: we are travelling as if free citizens, soft seats, our guard a pleasant German soldier. We wished that the train would never stop.

We reached a station with a big sign: ‘Instenburg’. The guard told us to get out. He didn’t say: ‘Ivan, out’.

Then he took us somewhere outside the town, to a small prisoner of war camp. By the camp - guard room, further on - two barracks surrounded by one row of barbed wire. In the office a young sergeant spoke good Russian. He told us that we will have to work in a mill, explained the conditions, and  the camp rules.

He showed us the barrack. Inside were about twenty bunk beds. We found free beds. In the middle of the barrack was a large iron stove.

Soon came a man, dressed in white. We followed him through the gate. Not far away were some tall buildings - there was the mill where we had to work. Here was a tall, middle aged cleanly dressed man waiting for us. He was the master, in charge of the mill. In the office they took our particulars. The boss spoke Polish, but none of us could speak either Polish or German. Later he explained what we would have to do. Three Frenchmen, prisoners of war, already worked here. They did not look friendly. One elderly German showed what we had to do. My first job - to replace bags of flour when they became full. They were milling some rye. I filled my pockets with the flour, hoping later in the barracks to cook something. That day I had very little to eat.

When we finished work, the same man took us back to the camp. Nearly all prisoners were back from work. In this barrack there were about twenty prisoners, the same in the other one. The majority of our barrack men were cleaning the rubbish in town, driving four horses; the others looked after the horses. All the men were very friendly. It seemed they had been prisoners of war longer. They gave me some bread with syrup. The food wasn’t to bad, you could live on it. Also, everybody brought something from work, therefore nobody was hungry.

The next day I weighed myself: fifty kilograms… After some time I gained weight, became fat and weighted probably twice as much, but still didn’t have the full strength.

Later we used to bring home from the mill different sorts of flour, semolina grain which we could exchange for something else. Those who were removing rubbish said that the civilian people used to put into the rubbish bins food, cigarettes so that the Gestapo men wouldn’t see because it was strictly forbidden to give anything to the prisoners of war, especially food.

Unexpected acquaintance

Near to the mill was a big saw-mill. The flour-mill and the saw-mill were driven by a steam engine and the ovens were fired by  coal. Often the coal wagons were brought to the mill and we had to unload them into horse driven carriages. The work, for us tired men, was fairly hard and I sometimes swore in Lithuanian. The driver, who sat at the front of the carriage, used to urge us to work faster. He asked me once:

   - Do you speak Lithuanian or just swear?

I was surprised because he asked me in Lithuanian. I replied:

   - Of course I can speak Lithuanian, I am Lithuanian.

After that even the work became easier. We exchanged our life stories. He said, he lived not far from Klaipëda, had a large farm but, when the Germans occupied the region of Klaipëda, they confiscated his farm because their family hated fascists. They sold whatever they could, kept the horses and carriages and moved to Instenburg. Here he started work as a coachman.

   -  My family lives here, I have two daughters.

I told him everything about myself, how I got here. He asked me if I would like  him to write a letter to my home. I did not expect that. I gave him the address. He admitted that he could not write very often but, being four people in the family, everything would  be all right.

Not long after we heard that the Frenchmen were being released from the prisoner of war camp. They used to deliver the flour to local and regional bakeries, so we had to take over their jobs. Two of us were assigned to the job, the third was younger and a bit weaker. The job required really strong men who could lift hundred kilogram bags. A lorry used to take twenty bags. We were required to take these bags up to flights of stairs, sometimes to a cellar, which was even harder. From beginning for a few days I couldn’t lift my arms. In the morning it was always very difficult to get out of bed, and I didn’t even want to eat. After a couple of days I got used to it. This job was really hard but also useful - we could get not only bread but all sorts of  cakes. When we finished work the driver used to take us straight back to the camp. He was a very good man and never asked what we had under our coats. Once we took one bag of flour from the mill more than we needed. With this bag we returned to the camp where the others were waiting. We had a good camp commandant so he and the other guards had  extra rations also- they were getting very poor food also.

A lot of Frenchmen worked in the flour-mill and the saw-mill. When they were released some Russians were brought in. They looked terrible,  could hardly work, so they were given extra rations at work. From then we didn’t have to unload the wagons.

One Sunday I was called into the office. There was my acquaintance - the Lithuanian coachman. He had a little parcel for me: a biggish piece of bacon, a sausage and a letter from mother and the other relatives and friends. I just could not hold my tears back for the joy. The coachman asked the sergeant to allow me to write a letter home. The camp commandant agreed. That Lithuanian (pity I forgot his name) really didn’t think it would be so easy to persuade them. As I found out later my relations kept sending me parcels but then I was moved on and did not receive them. Also, by the spring of 1944 the Bolsheviks weren’t far from Lithuania.

When I was delivering flour to the bakeries I met more Lithuanians. Some of them didn’t want to talk to a prisoner of war. Maybe they didn’t trust me as everybody at the camp knew that I hated communists. But there were some that used to come on Sundays to the fence to talk to me. After a while the authorities stopped civilians coming near the camp.

Several Russian prisoners of war urged me to escape. They said Lithuania was not far away and it will be all right when I reach my country. I could help them to get home. I asked them what will happen when they get home. They would not believe me when I said that they will end up in Siberian concentration  camps.

Instead of home, new camp

One day a sargeant came to the camp from the office.  He said that I would be going home. I did not believe him but got ready.

Later a soldier came to take me away. I was taken to the Instenburg station. That’s how the job at the mill ended.

I was on my own with this young German soldier who looked pleasant. There were more people at the station than at the time when we arrived a few months back.

All my thoughts were about home. Will they really allow me home as the mill boss had promised? Though I could not speak Polish but I could not forget his words. All my youth as though a mirage flashed through my mind.

I don’t know how long we were travelling. The soldier woke me from this pleasant dream. When we alighted from the train I felt a sense of foreboding. I cannot remember what station it was, what was happening. My guard put his rifle on his shoulder and said:

   - Lets go to the prisoner of war camp, it’s not very far.

I could see from far away a large camp. He took me in through a large barbed wire gate, like the other camps. Around it were watch towers with machine-guns and spot lights.

He took me into a barrack. In there were some more prisoners who had just arrived. All were listed and very thoroughly searched. The guard took me to a table, gave a soldier some sort of document and left. He wrote down something and told me to stand in the queue.

Here were all different nationality prisoners: Russians, Poles, Frenchmen, civilian men and women. When I was called, my name was pronounced very correctly. It felt a bit better when I knew that this soldier was Lithuanian. He started searching me. I had a lot of food and one or two little bits that prisoners of war weren’t allowed to have. He pushed it all to one side and didn’t take anything away. He told me that he served in the Ist regiment,. He said I have to go the office and take and sign some documents.

The Germans told us that we will have to stay for a time  in the quarantine area and then later join the others.

Evening came before everything was sorted out. I wasn’t properly told if I would be allowed to go home. There were quite a few Lithuanian prisoners of war, they were all taken to the quarantine premises and had to wait till morning. Although the nights at that time of year were short but to me it seemed that the morning would never come.

In the morning I had to wait until the offices were opened. At last a guard came and showed me  which table I had to go to. There sat two: a soldier and prisoner of war. It appeared they both were Lithuanians. On the table they had some documents.

They asked my name, first name, mother’s name and maiden name, when and where born. I wrote it all down.

They told me that in Lithuania they had made an application for me to be released home. I became very happy. Now I really believed that I was going home to my own.

They checked documents - everything was in order. They showed me my birth certificate. Said I can keep it (which later on was very useful to me). Gave me a note to collect a few parcels from the stores. For the time being they kept the documents. Also told me that in the camp there were many Lithuanians. They would all will be released as soon as transport was available.

   - But you will have to sign a document promising that when you get home you will not participate in any anti- German or local government activities. Think! If you agree to the demands you will be released if you don’t - you will not ne released.

They gave me this document.

A German military man told me that I will not have to go in to the quarantine area as I had a good job and was healthy. I was handed over to a man in charge of the barrack, who was an interpreter also a prisoner of war. He was Lithuanian from Klaipëda named Mueller. The barrack was large, holding about a couple of hundred prisoners., mostly Lithuanians, Estonians but not so many Latvians. There were also some Cossacks and Tartars.

The next day I had to go to the office to sign that loyalty promise document. On the document it also said that when I returned home during the first 48 hours I promised to return my prisoner of war uniform and everything else to the German war commandant.

After I signed the document I went to the stores to get my parcels. The storeman told me that I am the first Lithuanian to receive parcels from home. I took it to the barrack. As far as I can remember inside was a piece of bacon, some sausage, Lithuanian cigarettes and other things. Everybody became interested how could I get parcels from home. In this barrack were more soldiers from the 16th Lithuanian division but young different nationality soldiers. One German from the Volga region ASSR soldiers spoke very good Lithuanian, his name was Sontagas. Later he volunteered into the German army. He told me that there is no choice: if the Germans lose the war it would make no difference whether you were a soldier or prisoner of war.

At that time not many believed that Germans could win the war. We kept receiving news that the Russians were getting closer to Lithuania so not many wanted to go to Ryga. Everybody wanted to be as far away as possible from the red hell.

The barrack was not separately fenced in so we could go to to see the other nationality prisoners. They used to receive Red Cross parcels every month and parcels from home. You could say they lived well but not all were friendly, specially the Belgians and the French. They didn’t want to have anything to do with us. They said we were German henchmen. The best were Poles. It wasn’t clear why the Germans kept Baltic country prisoners of war together with the other nationalities but not with Russians. We were forced to work, mostly for the farmers to clear the fields or do other jobs. Here we could not manage to get anything.

It was annouced that transport to Ryga was cacelled. That meant we weren’t going home anymore. We knew that the Russians were getting deeper into Lithuania, were nearing East Prussia.

We noticed that the Russian barracks became empty. They took us there to clean them out. When we went in all of a sudden we became black, covered in millions of hungry flees.

In July of 1944 an order was received for us to leave the camp.  It was very hot.  Very few had cans in which to carry water.  We soon found how difficult it was to march being hungry and without water to drink. On the way  we would stop at other prisoner of war camps.  Passing the kitchen where barrels of leftovers were kept, the prisoners of war, mostly Caucasians and even Estonians, would grab at them in search of scaps of food.  We tried to restrain ourselves knowing that there would not be any food around, only the fear of getting dysentery or some such other disease.  Later many  prisoners died whilst marching.  Few Lithuanians had gone near the rubbish, so we survived.

I do not know how long we marched sout-west.  We came to a large German motorway.    We marched through Vysla and came to Dancing.  We were marched to the railway station.  Here were many prisoners of war.  Everyone was pushed into closed wagons with barbed wire covered windows.  It became clear that we were to be taken deep into Germany.  It would be about the end of July - although it was difficult for us to know  this -  as dates were of no importance to us.  At this station many wagons were filled with prisoners - so many that we could not see the end or the beginning of the line.  It looked as thought we were driven by several train engines.  The train rarely stopped and we were given very little food or water.  The weather was good but it was very hot in the wagon.

After a few days the train stopped at Stutgart station.  Here we were allowed to take some food and water.  Later a few wagons were taken off and we were taken to Liudvigsburgh.  The remainder of the eschelon was taken to a large empty prison - a large room without any furniture.

It began to darken.  A siren was heard.  Danger from the air!  From the windows we could see hundreds of American aeroplanes - the heavens were full of them.  Anti-aircraft artillery was in full force - the air battle was fierce between the Germans and Americans.  Many fell.

Our guards locked us up and then disappeared.  We heard anti-aircraft artilllery fragments, or may be bullets fall on the roof, and even came through into our prison room.  We prisoners did not know what to do, the room was full of dust, and several severely wounded prisons began to wail.  When the air battle ceased, a bright light could be seen in the distant horizon.  Later I saw what destruction Stutgart had undegone.  Our railway station was completely destroyed - just a pile of rubbish remained.

The following day the prisoners from the Baltics aand a few others, pershaps about 150 in all, were taken to the same station from where we were driven closer to the Alps.  From a small station we were forced up the hill.  The road was winding and very steep.  Everyone was hungry, tired and and weak.  Several fell.  The guards kicked and hit out at them shouting to go quicker.  I do not know how far or for how long we walked until we reached the summit of the hill.  We stopped at a small prisoner of war camp.  A commandant met us.  He held a woven leather whip in his hand.  As we saw later, he showed no mercy and would lash out across a face, a head.  We were formed in a line.  The commandant said this was a discipline  camp.

Further along could be seen rows of wooden barracks.  Italian army unit could be seen standing there.  They were being prepared for front line duty;  they underwent various exercises and always with a song.  It looked as though a severe discipline prevailed.  We sometimes met up with them.  They were very friendly, but the Germans behaved as though they were prisoners of war.

Very quickly, it seemed, they were sent to the East Front, and we then had to clean the barracks.  We god the impression that they lived more harshly than we prisoners of war.

The food was very poor.  We became weaker, although the work was not  oppresive, but when one is hungrey everything seems too hard.

Very little grew in the area, just certain rose bushes with red berries.  They were not very nice, but anything is good to a hungry man.  Sometimes we managed to collect pockefulls of these berries.  If the commandant saw us he immediately told us to throw away the berries and as a punishment would close us up in a small barbed wire enclosure.  Everyone would go to fetch their food, but the punished ones would only watch, even unable to collect water.

During a clear day the Alps could be seen.  It was said that beyond the hills about 80 kilometres away, is Italy.  Many spoke of an attempt to escape.  Some tried to escape, but were soon caught and were severely punished.  Two managed to go far in their escape, but were nevertheless caught and we taken to a camp in Vilingen where the region’s headquarters was stationed.  The escapees reported what was happening in our discpline camp, the harsh treatment received there.  A higher rank German officer came to see the conditions and how we ‘lived’.  The next day the Lithuanians were taken to a railway station (about 100 of us) and were transported by tran to Vilingen prisoner of war camp.  There we found two Lithuanians from Vilnius.

We were driven to work, mostly to clear the town after the American air raids, and to unload the wagons in the railway station.  Here it was possible to ‘calculate for oneself’ quite a bit.  Once we had to unload wagons which were full of sweets and special chocolate for soldiers.  We filled our pockets full and returning to camp ate our fill throwing the sweet papers on the streets.  We were later searched, and some sweets were found.  The camp commandant had said that he trusted Lithuanians not to steal, but it seemed they were not different from the rest.

We were sent to do another job.  Apart from that we could visit other nationalities - French, Polish, American, English.  We recovered somewhat at this camp.

Later we were driven to a place between Baden-Baden and Freiburgh, near the Rhein, to a gypsum quarry.  The work was hard, but the food was somewhat better.  Italian prisoners of war worked here.  With compressed- air drills they would drill and detonate the quarry and we would have to hack these down into smaller boulders and put them onto wagons which we pulled down the slope and then tipped them into waiting lorries which carried them to the factories.  There the gypsum was fired.  The superintendent constantly encouraged us to work harder.  He would show a piece of smoked sausage to us with a promise that it would be given to the one who filled the most wagons in  a  day.  Antanas Kairys from Paneveţys wanted to ‘show’ himself.  In the night we taught him how a prisoner of war should work.  Later there were no further ‘showmen’.

The Front is nearing, and hope of freedom is growing

The rumble of cannon fire was getting louder and nearer. For the prisoners of war it was hard to get any reliable news but we all knew the end of the war  was near. Although the Rhein valley is wide but the Allied Forces artillery started reach us. By the factory there was a rail track. One day we were herded into the wagons and taken further away until we reached Basel. Here we were under heavy artillery fire. We climbed out of the wagons. The guards rushed us to move faster. We by-passed the suburbs of Basel. On the other side of the town, over the Rhein was Switzerland. There was no more artillery fire. The guards found us another train, herded us again into the wagons and took us further away from the front.

The train was moving by the Rhein. On the other side was Switzerland, at night time we could see bright lights in towns and villages. It looked very strange to us - over so many years we had not seen night time lights, peaceful life, where the people do not get killed.

In the morning the train stopped in some factory’s yard. It turned out that those rocks which we were breaking were transported here. The Russian prisoners of war smelted these rocks down and manufactured carbide and other military materials.

Here the Rhein was not wide. From the camp we could see Swiss farmers working in the fields and homesteads. I remember even today how difficult it was getting used to the idea that only a few hundred metres away people lived normally, weren’t frightened of aircraft or artillery attacks.

Nobody would allow us to stare at the other side for a long. The guards would start shouting: ‘Ivan, raus!’, we had to fall in line and go to work

As I mentioned before the river here wasn’t wide but rapid. In the middle of it was a little isle.  Prisoners of war brought earlier were telling us that some were here during the whole of the war. Many prisoners of war tried to swim across to Switzerland. Not many succeeded - some drowned,  others got shot at by the Germans. At the beginning of the war the Swiss used to return the prisoners of war to the Germans but now they didn’t anymore.

One man was trying to talk me into running away before the water got too cold. However I could not swim so I didn’t have any hope. He said he will help me. Probably I was a coward not trying to escape - he managed to swim to the other side but one of his friends drowned, the other was taken away by the stream.

Later we used to be taken to another quarry up the river about twenty kilometres. Here the Rhein was still narrower but its banks were high. The rock here was softer, easier to cut but it was harder to work because of very poor food. The quarry was near a little wood. Many hazel-bushes grew here so we started making baskets. The Germans liked them and for them we could get food. One elderly Lithuanian made them very quickly and they looked very nice, I wasn’t so good at it. He taught me a bit and then I made them a bit better. I used to take them to villagers and exchange them for bread or sometimes even got meat. Once I was given a fox. I didn’t know if its meat is edible but I tried. It was tasty but smelled of wood. Anyway, it was meat and hungry men can’t be choosers.

This area had a lot of apple trees, covered with apples. We gathered bags full of them, the guards didn’t say anything and the farmers didn’t mind.

In January of 1945 there was a very heavy snow fall and it was very cold. The roads became impassable and for a few days we had to work in the factory. After the snow melted we returned to the quarry and noticed that the apple trees were still full of apples. We could not understand how the apples didn’t get frost damaged but had  become even  tastier.

Returning from work we used to bring some of these hazel-bush branches and weave some baskets. For some time the guards and supervisor didn’t say anything but later we were told to leave everything in the guard room and still later we were forbidden to bring any of the branches into the camp. Once the guard supervisor tried to take them away from me but he did not succeed. When I turned with these branches it knocked him down and he turned over couple times. He was tall and skinny. If that had happened a few  months earlier I don’t know what would have happened to me, but he only swore at me, threatened me and that was it.

At the end of February or maybe at the beginning of March the Swiss cut off our electrical supply. The factory stopped and we were left without work. We started digging some air-raid shelters in the mountain. The work was hard. We dug two tunnels. I had to operate the compressed-air drill. After drilling a couple of holes you could not breathe anymore. After a couple days of this I refused to drill. Our group leader promised to give me more food later and even threatened with the gun. However nobody took any notice anymore the end of the war was nearing and the Germans had to behave.

The Allied aircraft started bombing a little town not far from the factory. The Germans didn’t expect that - a town not far away from the Swiss border. We had to clear up some rubble and repair the houses.

Many bombs did not explode. Special prisoner of war groups had to dig them out. These prisoners of war had committed some crimes They had a choice: to be hanged, shot or dig out bombs. Obviously, everybody went  bomb digging. Why would prisoners of war be punished? If they became friendly with the German woman or raped her they would be hanged. But prisoners who cleared out bombed houses and stole something would be shot.

In  April of 1945 it was announced that most of the prisoners of war will be transferred to a bigger prisoner of war camp. The camp commandant selected a few prisoners he liked most and the rest, including me, were sent to Villingen prison of war camp. The town of Villingen was badly damaged. We were sent to clear the rubble and, where possible,to repair the houses. All prisoners knew what will happen to them if they were caught taking something from the houses but now not many were thinking about it. You see, in Germany every householder had a room in the cellar where they kept food, mostly fruit and vegetables. Even if the houses were destroyed the room in the cellar survived. We, the prisoners of war, very often took some food from there. Our barracks were surrounded by a barbed fence but the gates were open and you could walk anywhere in the camp.

One day they brought in by our barrack hundreds of Russian prisoners of war. The gate was shut and we could not walk about anymore. The Russians used to come into our barrack. We were warned not to go to Russian barracks because amongst them were a lot of KGB men. They had their own court and those who associated with Germans or were in the  German army were sentenced. A  were sentenced to death by these courts and the victims were buried by the barrack. We avoided the Russians.

We kept in contact with the other nationality prisoners. We heard the French army wasn’t far away. The camp commandant wanted to surrender to the French. The Poles did not agree that the Russian prisoners of war stayed in the camp. They wanted  the Russians to be sent away and that included us as well. A few from our barrack planned together with German officers to go across to Switzerland. I don’t know if they succeeded.

The prisoner of war is finished

At the end of April 1945 the life of the prisoner of war ended!…

We were ordered to leave the camp. We all swore at the Poles as the Lithuanians had been grouped with Russians We, prisoners, were divided into four groups and promised a Red Cross food parcel. The first group were issued with one each and they left through the gate, the second and the third received them also. We were the last. We marched to the stores to receive the parcels. All of a sudden we heard riffle, machine-gun and artillery shots. Few prisoners from the third group returned. In this group were a few Lithuanians. One was wounded - shot through the stomach. We all scattered and hid ourselves not bothering who’s barrack it was. Most hid in the anti-aircraft shelter. After everything quietened down I left the bunker, hoping to ‘hunt’ some Red Cross parcels.

The night was light, good visibility, behind the gate I could see that the German guards were being disarmed by the prisoners. When I saw that i rushed back into the bunker and shouted to all that the war is over although we still could hear firing.

Couple of us went to the stores where the Red Cross parcels were being kept. We wanted to go in but he German guard explained that the French leader told him not to let anybody in. He explained that if he allowed us in the French would shoot him. He turned round pointing his rifle towards us. It was doubtful whether he would have fired but we didn’t risk it.

The night went by very quickly. The next day the French took over the running of the camp and the German leadership, the leaders and the Guards were locked up. Everything was run by the prisoners, mostly French, Poles and other nationalities but the Russians were gone. We did not interfere, as the Belgians and the French didn’t like Balts.

The next day we were issued with  Red Cross parcels. The kitchen for the time being didn’t work. Most men started dismantling the barbed wire fencing because the French would not let us leave through the gates. Not far away was a large German barracks, a bit further - food stores. By the time we reached the store, inside were some Poles and other nationalities prisoners all ready.

First of all we went to the officers quarters. There we found everything, also large amounts of German money. Some strew the money about, some burned it because it was not going to be valid currency. But we all made a big mistake; though  of little value, you still could buy a lot of things with it. Later I was sorry for taking only a few hundred marks.

In the barrack area was a large food store. We tried to take some to our barracks but the French took everything away, saying that the food products were required for the kitchen.

Prisoners of war arm themselves

It was the second day and there still wasn’t a French or any army about. Later we got to know that the Allied Forces were still some distance away. From Villingen came a police officer and asked the prisoners to help keep order in the town. It appeared that  the prisoners, other nationality civilians and, probably, the Germans were committing robberies. Then the temporary camp authority, formed from the ex-prisoners of war, asked for volunteers to go into town to patrol with a promise of  a rifle and couple of packets of cigarettes. There were plenty of volunteers, I amongst them. We had to queue to be issued with everything. During this time there were brought back from the town some wounded and a few fatally injured men, apparently Poles. I then  thought to myself, now that the war is over why should I volunteer - to be killed? We found out that in town there were many German soldiers and a few Poles. We stood by the gate but to disappear unnoticed wasn’t possible. I looked round. What to do? Further away by the barrack I noticed a ladder. Without delay I climbed the ladder and went onto the roof and over the roof I ran straight to the barrack.

A few days passed. Neither the French nor the Allied Forces  appeared. Prisoners of war ran the camp. An order was issued to every barrack to form itself into a military unit - barrack leader, company commander, also to form platoons and sections. Nobody knew when the French army would come.

We were surrounded by large forests. The region was very mountainous. Stories were going round that there were German SS units who attack foreigners and kill them. There were also rumours that the two prisoner of war groups that left the camp were killed by the SS men.

The French and the other nationality prisoners armed themselves with all the weapons they could find. There weren’t enough arms for all but everyone had to do guard duties. Our platoon leader received an order to send a section to change the guard. He told us to go to the headquarters where we will get instructions.

At the headquarters there were many soldiers, prisoners of war with rifles and machine-guns. We were issued with rifles and ammunition, couple packets of cigarettes and were told to replace the guard by the food store. The other section - Yugoslavs were told to replace machine-gun guard.

By the store were crowds of  civilian  Germans and maybe other nationality people asking to give them some food, as they had not eaten for many days. They offered us some wine, spirits and other things. Young women promised other pleasures for some food. They showed us some nice champagne and bottles of cognac, the women - their legs. We felt really sorry for these poor people. We knew very well what it is to be hungry. We exchanged some food for couple of bottles. The Yugoslavs especially could not resist the wine. We were often checked to see that we were not giving away any food and for that reason they kept changing the nationalities of the guards. It was quieter during the day  but during night we could hear  artillery and rifle fire.

The next morning before the change of guards the Yugoslav in charge of the guard was fairly drunk. He offered me some wine but I didn’t like it and drunk very little.

When the replacement guard came, the Yugoslav looked very bad, started to vomit, complained of stomach ache. It appeared that the wine was poisoned. When we returned to headquarters we were all interrogated. It seemed that it wasn’t the first time that the Germans tried this sort of wine in exchange for food. I wasn’t very sick but vomited and had a headache. In the evening I felt better and dropped to sleep.

The SS men attack

I was awakened suddenly because we were being attacked by the SS men. You could hear artillery shells exploding. We didn’t know what to do. We grabbed what we could and ran out of the camp. Many had appropriated many things also radios.

When the shells started exploding around us we run out of the factory back gate not knowing where to go.  We just hurried to get away from the camp and SS men’s hands. We really didn’t know which way to run. The fields were full of prisoners of war, many thousands. I lost my friend who had woken me up when the shooting started. We couldn’t find one another as the night was so dark. The shells were exploding everywhere around us and we all tried to find a safer place but nobody knew where to find such  a place.

We retreated towards the north west. We passed some little homesteads but there weren’t any people. I don’t know how far we walked but it started getting light. We were all very tired. I  could hardly walk and I wasn’t feeling  very well yet either after that poisoned wine.

We stopped in the little wood to rest. As soon as I sat down I dropped off to sleep. I woke when the sun was quite high. Most of the people were walking further and I walked with them. It became a big gathering. After a few kilometres we reached a cross-road and didn’t know which way to turn. To the left it pointed to Scharzwald forest but there, as we were told, were SS units. We didn’t particularly want to walk that way although behind the forest was France. To turn right - deeper into Germany. The pointing arrow told us that in that direction was a town. Most of us turned that way. There were very few Lithuanian left in our group.

We reached Freudenstadt town which was very badly damaged. Here we met some civilians and prisoners of war. They told us that this town was taken by the French aa couple days ago but there wasn’t any order yet, very difficult to get any food.

We could see large French tank and other armoured vehicle columns, lorries full of soldiers were moving towards the front. The French military police told us to move away from the front. We turned towards Schwartzwald and stopped at a little town. The town mayor took good care of us. The food was good. It seemed that the Germans were afraid of our revenge and tried to do their best.. Some days later we were ordered to move on where we get  some transport and would be taken farther away from the front.

We walked higher and higher until we reached the top of the mountain. We could see big hotels. There were the French headquarters. We were stopped not far from the ammunition dumps and weren’t allowed to walk any closer. The guards told us to wait there until they got some transport. When the transport came, they unloaded the ammunition and told us to climb in. We  travelled on a winding road, down the hill.

Baden-Baden

They brought us to the suburbs of Baden-Baden and told us to get out.

The French soldier said something, pointed to the town and left. We were ten men in our group. Only two Lithuanians left out of the hundred. That night we all scattered and never met again. I heard that some of them turned back towards Schartzwald, were captured by the SS men and shot.

We stopped at a large multi-storey house. It was the foreigners’ camp: men and women together, all nicely dressed, all happy. Well, the war was over!

We were shown a big room on the third floor.

We were only two Lithuanians: Valaitis and I. We were together for some time but I knew very little about him. He was a very nice man, quiet, a bit younger than me.

Most were dressed in  civilian clothes, some wore the prisoner of war uniforms. Many were the same as us, just out of prison of war camp. We asked them where did they get their civilian clothes, they said they managed to find some, nobody was issuing any clothes. Apparently, when the French took this region they allowed prisoners of war a few days’ freedom, so they went into the houses and took what they fancied.

At this time the weather was very good. The cherry and apple trees were in bloom. Sometimes we used to forget that the war was still going on not far away. Here, at the camp were mostly young men and women. Some musicians and musical instruments appeared and we organised dances in the former university yard.

Once we heard through the loudspeaker that the war was over, Germany capitulated and the world leaders would speak over the radio. We shouted with joy as best as we could. It was further announced that Stalin would speak in the evening. There were quite a few who really wanted to hear him.

Churchill and Roosevelt spoke from London but not many understood what they said. Stalin spoke later. Everybody again shouted. Later on an all night party took place. There was plenty of wine and champagne as long as you had marks to buy it. Then I realised what a mistake I made by not stuffing my pockets with money.

We tried to exchange our prisoner’s clothes for civilian. In the stores there was all sorts of clothing: military and civilian but the better clothes were already taken. I found a pair of greenish trousers and the same colour shirt. I  didn’t know that it was the German military summer uniform. Later I had some unpleasantness over these clothes. I was asked a few times if I had been in the German units. Only the metal prisoner of war badge rescued me from another arrest and prison of war.

The streets were full of people. Once walking in the street I spotted one man wearing ‘Vytis’ (Lithuanian national emblem). I ran after him and asked him if he was Lithuanian. Apparently he was Belarus. I was very disappointed.

We went to a nearby village to buy some wine. We asked them who sold it but they were  afraid of Russians and denied they had any. One woman tried to explain in Polish and Russian but also used some Lithuanian words. I asked her if she could speak Lithuanian.  It appeared, that she was  Lithuanian, lived in Baden-Baden and had just came to the village to buy some food. I told her that I was Lithuanian and that we came here to buy some wine. I showed her the money. Told her not to be afraid and that all we wanted was just to buy something to drink. Our new acquaintance told the other women not to be afraid. I explained to them that we were also afraid to walk about on our own, as there were all sorts of rumours about the local people. Finally the wine appeared.

The next day I went to visit this pleasant woman. He told me that she used to live in Klaipëda. Her husband is a Lithuanian but was now in the German army. She gave me a student’s address, where a Lithuanian family lived.

I and Valaitis used to visit them frequently. They had a radio and used to tell us all the latest news.

The political leaders reappear

At that time the political leaders started to visit our camp, they were looking for ‘their own’. They asked who had what rank in the Red Army, who was in the prison of war.  They allotted us into companies, platoons and sections.

 I did not register at the beginning. I said I was a Lithuanian. They didn’t like this. My acquaintances Vanaičai (if I correctly remember their name) helped us a lot. They said that the French are going to return all the prisoners home whether they liked it or not. They advised us to go to Stuttgart where there are Americans and they don’t force people to return to the USSR. But later it became clear that even they returned their prisoners of war to Russians. I tried to talk Valaitis to search for a more secure place to stay but he wasn’t willing. I couldn’t understand why. I didn’t actually know how he became a prisoner of war.

The merry-making became less frequent, everybody became more careful.

Once in a street I saw a young man with a ruck-sack who was wearing Lithuanian flag on his chest and on the ruck-sack a ‘Vytis’ emblem. I decided that he must be a Lithuanian so I asked him. This time I was right. The lad had a very large ruck-sack and he didn’t look local. He asked me if I knew where he could stay for the time being . I told him where I was staying but he didn’t want to go the camp, so I took him to the student’s family. He stayed with them. He told us that he was walking to Wurzburg; there were a lot of Lithuanians and a Lithuanian embassy, having moved from Berlin. He was studying at Freiburg. Many Lithuanians left Lithuania and all the connections were broken. He wanted to know how the others were getting on. It appeared that the Lithuanians were everywhere but we knew nothing about them. I offered to go with him. He told me that to Wurzburg it was 500 kilometres. I replied that it was not nothing to me, I just wanted to see more Lithuanians and maybe I wwould find some relations or acquaintances. He mentioned that there was a possibility of getting a Lithuanian passport or any other document because everybody was advised to get some sort of personal document.

 

I set out on a journey

We, all Lithuanians. gathered at Valaičiai to decide what to do next. The new acquaintance advised me to set out on my own.

    - You haven’t got any relations here. You have a bicycle so you would be better on your own.

He gave me all the letters he had to deliver to the relations and friends in the Wirzburg area. He decided to return to Freiburg where  his parents and his friends lived. I tried to talk Valaitis into coming with me but he declined.

The student gave me a map and all the addresses where I had to deliver these letters. Then they all wished me a successful journey and, promising to return, I left Baden-Baden.

From the beginning everything went well. I reached Karlsruhe. In the evening I found a foreigners camp where I spent the night and I was back on the road. Unexpectedly I had a puncture. To mend it was easy but I had no pump. I pushed it for a while then I saw French soldiers sitting by a house and several bicycles with pumps. I asked  to borrow a pump to blow up my tyre but they just shouted at me as if I was a German. I didn’t wait and just kept pushing  along. The civilian German also didn’t want to lend me a pump. So I had to find a foreigners camp.

After couple days I reached the American zone but on entering it I was stopped by the French guard. He asked me for my documents. It seemed that these Algerians were more interested in my bike than in the documents. They tried to take it off me but I wouldn’t let it go. They took me to the guardroom but I could not understand them. An interpreter, probably a Pole, arrived who could speak good French. I told them that I was a prisoner of war. The French officer asked me for my documents. I only had my birth certificate which was sent to me when I was in East Prussia. The officer had a look at it and allowed me to go. I went into the yard and here the Algerians were riding my bike. The officer shouted something at them and they immediately returned my bike.

After a ride of couple kilometres I saw a large field enclosed with barbed wire in which were the German prisoners of war. There weren’t any buildings, not even a tent. The American soldiers were driving around in a jeep. Soon I reached Heilbronn town, completely flattened to the ground. You couldn’t see one single house. Late in the evening I reached small Neckarelz town. Close to the road was a large house  with a sign that this was a foreigners’ assistance centre. Closed! I carried on to Mosbach. I put up at a Polish army recruiting camp’s wooden barracks.

Unexpected meeting

We all went to bed. I didn’t’ realise how fast I dropped off to sleep. During the night somebody woke me up and asked why I am sleeping here. Although I couldn’t speak Polish but understood a litle. I sat up. The Pole was shouting that I should get out of bed to salute him. And also, why I was sleeping dressed ? One of the soldiers, a Lithuanian told him that I was neither a Pole nor a soldier. Then the officer told the guard to take me to the headquarters, to the commandant. He, presumably, was already asleep. After a while an elderly man came into the office. He asked me what nationality I was and where I came from. I told him everything. He then told the Polish officer to let me sleep here because he wanted to talk to me some more. The commandant spoke good Russian. He told them all to return to their posts. When they left the office, the commandant opened a cupboard and took out a bottle of spirits. He shook my hand and presented himself:

   - Daugila. We can have a drink now!

I was used to all sorts of surprises but this was a very pleasant surprise.

    - I am Lithuanian, - he said, - but I don’t want the Poles to know, they hate Lithuanians. There are a lot of Lithuanians in the town. Tomorrow we will go and see them.

I slept in his quarters. In the morning he ordered breakfast for two. After breakfast I went to get my bicycle. The guard wouldn’t give it back to me. He said it belonged to them. The commandant and the Poles around spoke to me only in Russian. When he got to know that they wouldn’t return my bike he shouted at them so loud that the bicycle appeared immediately.

On the road again

The commandant Daugila and I drove to the town of Mosbach where he, until the end of the war, was a railway station master. Daugila introduced me to the family of Kučinskai. The husband was the station master now. We all had a good talk about what we had lived through. They advised me to have a little rest. Daugila told me to register at the Polish camp, then I would receive food rations and after that would be able to carry on. On my return I would be able to make a stop here again. So I did that. They also advised me how to reach Wirzburg and the other places where I had to deliver those letters. They got me a pump for the journey. So I left Mosbach. It wasn’t very far to Wirzburg but I had to make a large detour to reach all the other places. The first little town wasn’t to far so I got there the same day. Obviously, these sort of postmen were welcomed everywhere. I was met like a relative. In the town lived two Lithuanian families. I cannot remember the names anymore. I only remember that one of the families was from Paneveţys, the husband - a secondary school teacher.

The other little town I reached the next day. There were more Lithuanians. They told me that in this area there were a lot of refugees, mostly from Eastern Europe, so the Americans were not allowing any more to come into Wirzburg. Guards  were posted at the roads and they turned everybody back. The wife of colonel Tomas Vidugiris lived in this town. She wrote me a letter in English stating that I was  there looking for relatives and asked  to allow me through. She also wrote a letter to her husband who lived in Wirzburg at the Lithuanian Embassy, which had transferred from Berlin. Not far from Wirzburg I was stopped by the Americans and refused entry. They were very unfriendly. They looked at you as if you were nothing and just chewed their gum. I couldn’t go any further. Even the letter didn’t help.

I found out that only the big roads were guarded and was advised to go round, using smaller roads. I did so. In the town I delivered all the letters, and found the Lithuanian centre in  a large house full of people. There I met my old acquaintance Jonas Glemţa. He hah lived in Germany for some time. He didn’t know anything about his folks back home. At the office I gave to colonel T.Vidugiris a letter from his wife which made him very happy. He was a very nice man. I told him that I came from Baden-Baden and wished to go back but I needed some sort of document and not just for myself but for four others as well. He issued me with the documents written in few languages.

At that time in Germany the Lithuanians organised their own camps. I visited one big camp but didn’t find any relations. Then I returned to Mosbach. After  a couple of days I had to return to Baden-Baden to take all the documents and, if everything was all right, return to Mosbach. I returned by the same road. When I reached the place where the French stopped me, I met the same Polish interpreter. He advised me not to go the same way because the Americans were taking over that area and they were placing all civilians and ex-prisoners of war into camps.

I had no choice and returned to Mosbach. Here I found some more Lithuanians.

After some time we had to leave the station and Kučinskai house. We three, Butkus, I and Tomas (I cannot remember his surname) went to live with the civilians.

Lithuanian camps are being established

We were informed that we would all have to go into larger displaced persons camps. Stories went round that we will be transferred to Mannheim displaced persons camp. We knew that according to the Potsdam conference decision all the Soviet Union citizens will have to return home. The news reached me that the USSR started taking them forcibly. People became uneasy. Nobody wanted to return. Some even locked themselves in the houses, set fire to therm and burned themselves alive, others jumped from high buildings alone or in groups to commit suicide. They said: ‘Better to die where the world can see, than to return and be tortured to death by the KGB.’

We were advised to go to bigger displaced persons camps so that our representatives could defend us from USSR KGB. We were allowed to chose where to go. Kučinskas family left for Mannheim, I - to Wirzburg. There wasn’t any room so I returned back to Mosbach. I lived with the Germans so nobody urged me to go home. Also, until Daugila was the commandant of the camp I was all right. But he decided to go home. He had a lot of Jewish peoples signatures showing that he had helped them and so worked against the Germans. He believed that this would help him. I tried to dissuade him but he didn’t  listen to me. I told him that as he had for some time lived in America that would be enough for the KGB to arrest him. He showed me that he had hundreds of Jewish signatures. I hoped it would help him.

I travelled to Wirtzburg. I stopped at the Lithuanian centre for a while.  For a few hundred marks I sold my bicycle to my neighbour Jonas Glemţa. We, four Lithuanians, decided to travel to the English zone. We were told that there everybody was being accepted. On the train we met with a few Lithuanians who lived in the American zone. They told us that there was more chance of being accepted but they advised us to stay in the American zone because later on it would be easier to emigrate to USA.

On November 1945 our train stopped at Giessen station. We went to see the displaced persons camp commandant. We were accepted because they wanted to get in more Lithuanians. So we started life again  in the camp. The new camp was based not far from the town centre in the German army barracks. There were more than a hundred Lithuanians, Estonians but less Latvians. The majority were Poles. There was a separate Balts group. The commandant was a Lithuanian as they didn’t want the Latvians to take over. There was an election and we elected a new commandant - Lithuanian veterinary doctor (I don’t remember his name). In the New Year this camp was closed.

In 1946 we were moved to another camp in a village of Alminfield, near Darmstadt. Formerly an agriculture school. We settled down and it was quite nice. The village was small. Gernsheim town and railway station was only  one and half kilometres away. From the beginning the farmers didn’t trust us but later became quite friendly: we could get fresh vegetables, milk. In other words - it was a good life. Later a few of us got jobs with the Americans. That was really good. We ate together with the Americans, lived in the university building. Some Poles also worked there. They didn’t like us and told the Americans that we are stealing from the stores. The Americans sacked us all including the Poles and started employing the Germans.

Amongst our own

Soon we were more than two hundred in number. In Giessen two families arrived from Lithuania with horses. They kept these horses for a bit then later sold them to the local farmers. Here the Lithuanians established their own police whose chief was a Lithuanian border policeman Ţura. I became a policeman. We were five. Later I had to guard two very good friends of mine who came with me to Wirzburg. The German police accused them of stealing a bike. They brought the arrested ones to our camp and we had to guard them. The former commandant, the veterinary doctor, told us to let them go, and that is what we did.

 More families came later, amongst them dr.Kupčiűnas and prof.Pakđtas, also some Lithuanian army officers. Soon we had an election for a new camp commandant. The families wanted us to elect dr.Kupčius and so we did. When the governing body changes, some of the officials loose their jobs. Ţukas refused to stay in the police so we all resigned. 

I was all right, I started travelling and trading on the black market.

The camp commandant dr.Kupčiűnas organised a three months long mechanics course. We had to learn to dismantle cars and put them back together again. When my business finished - I had no time to travel. After a few  days I received my documents to emigrate to England, to Inskip not far from Preston.

Good bye Germany, hello England

On the 17th of January I left Germany. In Holland, in Hook van Holland port we boarded a not too large transport ship. The same evening we sailed into Lamanche Channel.

It was dark, we could not see anything. It was my first journey by sea. I was advised not to go to bed so I would not get sea-sick. We decided to play cards - so the time would pass quickly.

By daybreak some were rushing to the toilet, the others couldn’t make it -  sea sickness struck us all. We started laughing at the others but soon we became sick ourselves. The weather wasn’t to bad but the waves were larger that the ship. If it wasn’t for  the sea sickness it would have been an interesting journey. After some time we saw the masts of the sunken ships.  And then at last - the shores of England.

Our ship docked in Harwich port. When we left the ship we saw  German prisoners of war. They were freed and were waiting to be transported to Germany. They shouted to us that we will be well fed.

They were all happy, singing because they were going home. We became really depressed. They were going back to their own ones, they were awaited by their mothers, fathers, wives, children, sweethearts, we arrived into the unknown. What was waiting us here?

The port of Harwich looked blackened, the weather foggy. All that was very depressing. We, about two hundred  men, were taken to some sort of warehouse. By the tables sat some officials. They checked our documents, gave us some English money, tea and sandwiches. Outside by the warehouse stood  a train which we boarded.

We reached London quite late. We spent the night at a railway station and in the morning arrived at Preston. Here waiting for us were double decker buses which we had not seen before. Everybody wanted to get on the top deck so they could see more.

The English towns looked worse than the German: a lot of derelict, smoke blackened houses. We were taken to a small Inskip village where was a large Italian prisoner of war camp, fenced off by a few rows  of barbed wire fences. The first impressions of our chosen country were very unpleasant.

There were no guards at the gate but the surroundings reminded us of the not so far past because it was no different from the other prison of war camps. The food was very well prepared but it wasn’t enough and we always felt hungry. White bread was brought from Preston but it was twice the normal price. Then most of us started travelling to Preston to buy the bread ourselves. It wasn’t easy to get because for everything you needed ration cards. I started looking for a small shop that baked the bread themselves. Once I went too far from the bus station and got lost. It was difficult to find the station not knowing the language, specially in a larger town. I understood then that here it will be more difficult to be understood than in Germany. The people weren’t so friendly as in the other countries that I happened to be.

A few weeks went by before all our documents were sorted out.

Agents-recruiters came from places of work, mostly from the coal mines and farms. These were the jobs for men, for women - hospitals and cotton mills. The coal mine agents told us that in the mines they only work thirty seven hours a week, get good wages  ‘you will receive more then the policemen’. They said that coal miners will be sent on a couple weeks English language course, their health will be checked and so on. The promises seemed good. I thought that if we didn’t have to work for a couple of weeks I would learn  English a little and will get better pay. And later probably I would not have to work in the mines after all.

Preparing myself to be a miner

Our group consisted of ten men. The Poles and other nationality men were taken to a coal miners hotel (most likely hostel) in Full-Sutton not far from York where the American airforce units were based.

During the medical check up some men where found to be unfit for this job. I also was told that I will get a lighter job. From here we were taken for the English language course to Great-Varley near Walsall. Here we were four Lithuanians: Armonavičius, Alfonsas Bruoţis, Karlas Kolosovas and I. Armonavičius and Bruoţis could speak English better so they were sent to the mines sooner. I tried to stay as long as I possibly could  so I could learn better English. I wasn’t rushing to work. After a couple weeks we also were sent to the coal mine to do some practice work. In some mines the unions didn’t want to accept DP (displaced persons), saying that we were fascists, nazis because most of the union leaders were  communists. We had to wait until a pit was found that would accept us. Until then we lived in hotels (hostels?) where the food wasn’t to bad and accommodation free. We received a couple of pounds a week. That was our ‘wages’.

In August 1948 we all had jobs in various mines. I was given a job in Barrow coal mine near Barnsley. From the beginning we had to travel to work about twenty kilometres but later the hotel (hostel?)was transferred not far from where we worked. Our group consisted of more than 30 workers.

The pit had a few layers (faces?) of coal, layer thickness - from two to six feet (70-200 cm.).

In the pit were narrow gauge railway lines and small wagons. At that time the ponies were still being used but in the main tunnels - machines, driven by compressed air. We used to harness these ponies and drive to fetch what was taken out of the layer. To drive in that tunnel was really frightening: all the steel reinforcements were bent, the wood broken, in places it was hardly possible to get through.. The Pole used to laugh at me. I thought that I stayed alive during the war and now here, deep underground, I will have to die.

When we moved to the hotel (hostel?) we found a couple more Lithuanians. First I met Stasys Vitkus. He was a very quiet man but strong as an oak. We are still good friends. Later on  three more  Lithuanians came along. One day I went to see them. One of them, presumably, didn’t like me. So he asked me:- Are you from the middle of the village? (meaning - very dim).I replied:- That’s true… but it looks like you are from the end of the village. We used to call them ‘gritelninkais’ (landless peasant).

Later I found out that he used to be some sort of high official. We often met these people who tried to show off. Everybody laughed at them.

In 1949-1950 the smaller hotels (hostels?) were being closed down. We were moved to a large  Barnsley hotel (hostel?) Broadway. Here there were many Lithuanians. Few of them worked in the hostel but the majority at the pits or other jobs. At that time every nationality had their own representative at the hostel.

Here we had an English language course. From the beginning there were many but at the end there were only a few stubborn ones left.

The coal miner

From start life was not bad but later we felt that the English didn’t like us. They made fun of us so I couldn’t  bear it anymore and abandoned this course although later I was sorry for it.

The work at the pit wasn’t bad. The English weren’t good workers. It was funny to me that they didn’t show each other how much they were earning.

The mines were not long ago nationalised so the English tried to work as little as possible. Or maybe they always worked like this? Once I and the Pole were sent to work with the English. We worked till the break, had something to eat then laid down and fell asleep. I woke up - the lamp was shining in my eyes. The supervisor was standing over me and said:

   - Joseph, I am very disappointed in you!   I said:

   - Why? We did more until dinner that they did during the whole day. After the break we will do as much again. And we only get half the money they get.

My English wasn’t very good but he understood.

Our group supervisor was not very young. When the mine was private he was the manager. When he walked away he told us to be more careful. After a couple days I and the Poles became the groups real workers. The following Friday we got paid twice as much.

I was assigned to work with an English man John Littlewood, an older miner. He thought himself to be smarter, always getting better jobs. You could say that he was a bit smarter than the rest because he had a little shop and besides that used to train boxers. When he was young he was not  too bad a boxer. The men of the other group didn’t like him, said that he was management flatterer.

When the coal cutting was finished all the machines and instruments had to be assembled and later the tunnel reinforcements dismantled. We were paid by the yard of how much we did. Not many tried to do much - the English said that the price will be cut. It didn’t matter what work you did you didn’t get paid more than  the fixed rate. That reminded me of the war time, in the labour battalions and in prison of war.

All the workers of that group were middle-aged men. Sometimes we didn’t do anything, just laid back and slept but the air quality was very poor and when you woke up you felt tired. The English were used to it.

The work was not bad. We could earn a lot but we had to do a certain amount which we occasionally did. Those who dug the coal rarely could do the norm if the others didn’t help them otherwise the pay was cut.

At the work place the foreigners weren’t liked very much  by the English . In town or on the bus they didn’t even want to know their colleagues. Sometimes in a pub acquaintances appeared but only till you were buying the beer. And you didn’t expect them to buy you one. They were very stingy.

I live independently

Some of our lads became drunkards or even alcoholics.

We used to go into town because we were all still young and wanted to find  girl friends. The majority wanted to find a friend for life. But it was not easy because the serious good looking English girls didn’t want to associate with a foreigner. We had to choose from those that were ‘left on the shelf’. Obviously, there were the other nationality girls but they seemed to be more spoiled because they had enough men to choose from - they were fewer and the English men didn’t want them.

Bradford - nearby town. There was a large Lithuanian community. They sometimes organised  National Day commemorations or other events. We used to come to these celebrations but it wasn’t enough time to get to know the people.

We also used to go to Manchester. There were a lot of  Lithuanians and they had their own club. My friend Stasys Vitkus had a good motorbike so sometimes he took me there. We drank a lot but with the girls I wasn’t very successful: I wasn’t daring enough and too shy.

I got lodgings with an English family not far from the pit. For many years I  had lived in various hostels, camps so to get used to this sort of life was very strange, and difficult to adjust. I returned back to the hostel. Here a lot of men liked to play cards and I was used to this. Often I worked just for the cards and a bottle. I liked pictures very much. On Saturdays I used to sit through three films. Often I watched war films. I felt close to tears watching films where the soldiers returned home. They were greeted by their loved ones crying from joy. I sometimes couldn’t hold back and shed a tear. I thought how lucky they are, able to return home. How nice it would be if I could do the same. But later, a  couple of glasses of beer helped to forget.

So the time went by.

At last I moved in with a Russian. He had bought a house on mortgage. I and Vladas Stankaitis rented a couple rooms from him. We cooked ourselves. Now we had more to do so stopped playing cards and drank less. At one time  Barnsley had about twenty Lithuanians.

We tried to start a  Lithuanian Association branch but then a few left for America, the others changed jobs. Jonas Stankevičius got killed in a motor accident. So we weren’t successful. During my life I wasn’t used to living in one place. I wanted to find a larger Lithuanian community and also to left Barnsley although I had  many card playing and a pint drinking friends there. I knew that many Lithuanians lived in Nottingham. I found myself a job there. I settled in one Poles’ house, later - with Lithuanian Viktoras Kavaliauskas family.

His house was double fronted. In one half lived Polish Ryll family in the other - Lithuanians Kavaliauskai:  husband Viktoras, wife Leny and two sons. Here also lived Leny’s sister Kristina, very nice girl. So we got to know each other.

The time flew, like the water in my country’s river Nemunas. I found some Lithuanian friends. Viktoras Kavaliauskas introduced me to Pranas Ivanauskas, Antanas Petraitis, Stasius Karalius, Vincas Remeikis but he was married to an English girl and associated with us less.

V.Kavaliauskas invited all this crowd to come and live with them. The rent would help his family. So we all moved in. The food and the conditions were good. My new acquaintance Kristina used to come every other weekend to see her sister.

I was successful at work and even the English men became more friendly. Besides, the work force consisted of a lot of foreigners, mostly Poles. In the first months my mood was completely changed. We helped each other and so could earn more.

Now the mines were being modernised, all sorts of new machines appeared to dig coal. The gases in the pits were reduced because all the machines were driven by electricity. The pit ponies were exchanged for machines.

For a while everything ran smoothly, I earned more than at the Barrow mine and had some more money left

over. Also I didn’t drink so often and hardly played cards anymore. I was thinking of buying a motorbike so I could see more of England.

I went to Nottingham where the Lithuanian were organising a Vasario 16 commemoration.

Viktoras kept asking me if I was thinking of marrying Kristina. I told him that there is still plenty of time, I was not thirty nine yet as was my father when he got married.

Viktoras once told me to find somewhere else to live. I told him that I will as soon as he returns the money he borrowed from me. After a week I found a room with an English family.

At the same time The Association of Great Britain bought Sodyba not far from London. All the Lithuanians in England were urged to buy shares to help refurbish the Lithuanian house.

Later in the summer at the Lithuanian Association’s Mansfield branch annual meeting I was elected branch treasurer. Then I met more of the local people, about twenty in all. With me lived two Latvians and one Englishman. The landlord was a middle aged man - good people.

Once the Latvian asked me if I wanted to go to a Latvian Independence meeting in Mansfield. I agreed. We went there. We went first to a pub where all the Latvians used to go. There I was introduced to Bronius Đipkinas and in turn he introduced me to the other Mansfield men. At that time The Lithuanian Association branch’s in Mansfield chairman was Karalius. They were all very friendly.

Finally came the decisive moment in my life too. In March 27th 1956 I married Kristina at the Register Office. Viktor Kavaliauskas and his wife were the witnesses. Soon I started looking for a house. We pooled our savings together, I received 500 pound sterling from the pit, took out a mortgage for thirteen years and bought a house. That’s how I planted my roots in England, in Kirkby-in-Ashfield.

Epilogue

After becoming a family man, Juozas Kuliukas  nicely rearranged his life: he bought a house, refitted it himself, bought furniture. Cosy family life replaced a single man’s loneliness, even more so as Juozas wife was expecting a baby. Soon a daughter Angëlë Irena was born and in 1959 a son came into the world, christened Algis.

And at the beginning of 1960 Juozas Kuliukas writes a letter to Lithuania - to his Mother. After three months he receives two letters: from sister Pauliusë and sister’s Pranutës husband Jasius Strutinskis. The news is sad: Juozas letter was a couple days to late because on the 18th of January his Mother left this world. Before dying she mentioned her son: ‘Where is my little son Juozas'.

When the Kuliukas family celebrated the New 1962 Year nobody knew that this year would bring Juozas another test: will he give in to death or will he survive?

It happened on the 14th of September. The author  remembers the black day like so:

‘I worked at the pit on the afternoon shift. The coal cutting machine used to leave a few inches of coal on the ceiling which we used to chop off. The same thing happened this time. When I started chopping I felt a thick layer of coal falling on my head. I tried to hold it but another heavy blow crushed me, bent my head to my knees, blood burst out of my mouth. My last thought was: ‘What will happen to my children, wife’! Then I lost consciousness.’

Friends pulled Juozas Kuliukas out of the ruins without any sign of life, they took him up on a stretcher where the ambulance was waiting. The verdict at the hospital: the chest, ribs and the back bone was broken, injured lungs, concussion of the brain. The doctors couldn’t tell whether he would live and survive. Not only the doctors fought for his life. When he got a bit better he fought for his life himself. This fight lasted six months. Only on  March 14th1963 Juozas Kuliukas returned home but he could not walk anymore. His legs were exchanged for the invalid carriage.

Date: 24/09/2002

Number of Words: 47620